I know it sounds like im just whining and such. I dont plan on leaving anything anytime soon. I have put in to much time and effort just to give up now. What I was trying to say is that if things dont change that it is a possibilty. The reasons being is Im not feeling a lot of love from my W. I have found that I will do what ever it takes to show my W the love that she needs. I think pretty soon it will be time for her to do the same.
How about a break for you, Lee. Can you think of something to focus on besides what's going on right now? Can you get out and do something on your own one day, to take your mind off of all this? I can't imagine the flood of emotions you must be having. It's got to be so difficult to hold them in and keep acting as if, but I agree w/the others - do you feel you could make a good decision in this state you're in? The idea of cutting back a little on initiating any kind of touch w/her sounds good. You could "validate" her physical displays of affection for you, when she cuddles, etc., by responding to her. Kind of like listening instead of talking, and then validating what she "says" to you. Am I making any sense? Not sure. Maybe taking a break from initiating every physical contact would help you step back, give her some time, and keep you from feeling like you're doing all the work? Sorry you're hurting so much! (((Lee))) Hang in there - come here to vent. We're all pulling for you ~
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Lee, you started here about 4 months ago. In 4 months, you have gone from your wife dropping the bomb to you piecing. That is INCREDIBLE.
I am waiting for an ex-b who is chasing after OW stupidly until the end of the YEAR. I love him. I would be thrilled to death if he wanted me back, even if there wasn't too much sex yet.
I think im going to sit back and let my W do some of the iniating with the physcial stuff. I will try and do more of the iniating with the quality time stuff. See if me changing a little more will help her to show me what I need. Im also going to recharge my batteries this week. See if I cant go to the gym a couple of times and just make some me time.
Hey Gris. You know, I think this is just a natural progression in Piecing, as I felt the same way after my W "came home." I felt exhausted after working so hard to bring her back, then after she's back I "expected" certain things because we were officially "on" again. Thing is, Gris, that this stuff takes time. Rather than focus on what you're NOT getting from your W, perhaps focus on letting go a little bit. You don't have to DB with such intensity any longer, so you can start to kick back ever so slightly. This will relieve some of the pressure you're feeling, and probably your W will sense this shift and feel more relaxed around you.
I know what you mean about the sex. I tend to focus more on this myself, and not as much on the other physical things she's doing for me. Only recently have I begun to reevaluate this.
Just try and relax a bit. Back off the the DBing intensity, and let her come to you. Over time I very much believe you'll be getting more positive responses from your W about your needs.
Lee - FWIW - when I was suffering from fatigue and loss of libido from my thyroid problems, I really did feel just too tired and too crummy at the end of the day. Didn't mean that I didn't feel love and affection for my H, I just thought he would understand (boy, was I dumb! ). Maybe you would get better results if approaching your W earlier in the day, some time and place that is unhurried and when she doesn't have other responsibilities on her mind? Ellie
