Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Help me, I'm so hurt.

AD,

Here is what I predict, you're going to change your mind about half a dozen more times at least, in the mean time, until you can settle on a course of action and stick with it, your wife is going to think you're nuts.

Realize that you're going to be a bit flaky until you become more even keeled.

I hear ya guys. But she's the one who's nuts and maybe I am too. How could she move to place she can't afford. Yesterday I went of her costs and her bills add up to more than she makes. She's ridiculous. I figured this might be a reaction. But like I said....I see three years of my life wasted; I knew but couldn't come to terms with it. Then the last year I basically threw my money away. I don't see me truly caring again.

Let's say six months from now, we try to make it work. Everytime I look at our finacial black hole, I'll get pissed. Everytime we try to get intimate, I'll think of how she cheated....I don't think I'll get past this. Don't know if I want to.

I do appreciate the support and I'll stay away from her and see what happens. And I understand everything everyone is telling me. But I also understand the "people" do divorce...happens all the time and everyone I know in person "family and friends" already assume we are getting divorced. I just don't know.

I hear every word you said.
I wrote every word you wrote.

Now I fall asleep with my wife every night in the same house.
I regret nothing that occurred, I am a better man for it, and my marriage is better for it as well.

Make your decisions wisely.

Choose your advice carefully.

Just a little update.

Yesterday was a good day. I took my D for a haircut and then we went to her future school's festival. That was kind of boring so we went to a near by church carnival. D said she wanted mommy there, so I called her to meet us. W came we all went on a few rides and ate a quick lunch. I never mentioned R and she mentioned that she her boss said she should delete her myspace account.

Then we all left. D went over to her friends house next door and i was alone (and lonely). Then D and her friend came over and I decided to invite her friend for dinner (they always invite Abby and we never returned the favor). So I made them dinner, played with them and then cleaned the whole house. I really had a genuinely nice night. Wow!

Then later I was watching D sleep and I thought "no matter what happens in the future, Abby is the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Guess you guys were right about my feeling coming in and out. The last few days have been just blah. Doing lots of stuff with D and I have spoken or seen my W briefly each day. The full anger is gone now and after my W leaves I do still miss her....well the old her. I can see she's so different now. But even when these missing feelings come and get passed them with anger. I'm angry at her for what she's done but I'm angry at both of us for allowing it to get to this point. I know why she got to the place she's at but I still can't believe this women I fell in love with was so weak to give into it.

Last night I was thinking of the holiday season and how that's going to work. No tears came but I was sad to think I might not be able to spend every holiday with Abby. I don't know where I'll be at in 6 months, but to spend a major holiday without my D is going to tear my heart out.

All this because of W!

AbbysDad--
Your post about your D are so touching. I know there are many women on her who wish their H's were putting their children first-- it seems that you definitely are and that is something that you'll have no matter what happens in the M--

Thanks confused,

She's the only that keeps me going.

I've been so down the last couple days. I've been reading everyone's threads and have had no mental energy to respond even though I feel for everyone here. So many have the same fears, anger and sadness as me and I want to lend support. I'm not doing a good job DBing and I need to reread DR. Last night I instigated a long text conversation with W. Of course it went nowhere. I think the reason I did was because unlike many WAS, she's not saying what she wants. The last time she mentioned anything was that we should go to MC, but then I found her with OM 2 days later so that's out the door.

To top it off, I have major teeth issues suddenly. Need a couple root canals and at some point I still need my wisdom pulled. I thought '07 was tough.

Again, I feel for everyone here but I haven't had the energy or time to comment. I'll try now.

I dont know how religious you are, if any but lastnight attended a DivorceCare support group (like my 3rd or 4th week). They were on the chapter of "Forgiveness". No matter how much you dont want to forgive wife, you need to try and forgive so it helps stop the angry you feel from her. Please quite blaming yourself, you both are responsibliy for you own actions. I'm not very religious myself, but since I have been going through this, I am trying to find where I stand spiritually. Forgiveness is a process.

We watch a video for about 30 minutes, then the instructor goes over stuff he has experienced and makes his comments. I wish W would go to one or start attending church regularly like she so wanted to during the M but never really made it priority. Now it feels to late, but hopefully its what helps me get through and maybe bring W back to the family.

AD--

Why is MC out the door? Has she said it is or did you decide? Are you done or not done? If you are still hopeful, ask her again about MC. Call around to counselors and speak to them about their stance on MC. Are they pro-marriage?

That was how I found mine. All my H said was he did not want a Christian based counselor. Other than that, I was free to choose. I picked one that catered to military and was pro-marriage, too. H is taking it on the chin but keeps coming back to the counselor.

Our MC suggested reading After the Affair. IF you have not read it, and since the OM is a new occurence I am sure you have not, please pick it up. If you think she would be receptive, suggest it to W, too. It is balanced and covers both the perspectives--the hurt spouse and the unfaithful spouse.

Keep your chin up and try not to beat yourself up over this. The OM is your wife's problem, not yours, believe it or not. That is what I have had the hardest time coming to acceptance on. But, by doing so it has made it so much easier to deal with my husband.

SMW

SMW

I haven't posted anything in a while, although I've been trying to keep up with everyone's sitchs. My W is just in her place, living the single life and besides taking and picking up D from school some days, she hasn't done much with her. The more I look at it, the more I feel like W needed "a break" from her life, not just me. I mean, W was spending less and less time with us before everything happened. W doesn't even like to take D to the park.

Since my last post I can at least say I've had limited contact. Most conversation she's begun and when W leaves i make sure to say "have a good night" with a happy face. But W really won't even look at me without averting her eyes. I really think she's feeling guilt/shame (probably because she knows OM is coming over) but who knows. At least for now, D is about 100% with me, so I know I should be happy about that. Just listening to her playing in her room right now comforts me.

Thanks to whoever reads this.