Or is he really just in denial about it, like you say.
It's ok to feel like things didn't go that well. It sounds like it was at least ok. You probably had built it up, of course. It's good that he apologized to you.
It is so hard to not be able to voice concerns or issues that you think may be important but may make you look like the villain in your spouses eyes. Like biting your tongue just not to hurt thier feelings, because your afraid of going back to square one.
I think that is what they mean by walking on eggshells.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Good input hopeful and tink. Yes, he truly is in denial about he foreclosure. I don't know when it will sink in for him. Tink, I think you have a good point about my moving back into town but I am not really sure if I truly want to stay at my Moms or here in my hometown. I do miss it where H is, even if he's not pursuing me. I agree about the house and dogs; he wants me to clean up his messes for him so he can continue to do as he wishes. Kind of sucks. I will really have to let all of this sink in and try to use my words carefully. He's good at charming me into a "yes" when he wants something. I love my dogs as if they were my children but this is the kind of thing that makes me wish I didn't have to worry about them. They are all aging, I do not wish to re-home them. I will be getting my dog back soon and don't know how it would work out if I brought him here with me at my Moms (pottying issues); just trying to figure out what will keep me sane.
"I am not really sure if I truly want to stay at my Moms or here in my hometown."
Hi Debbie, I totally understand, you can do anything you want with your life whether it is moving back to his town or not.
But still say this to him and just act that way because he needs to feel the experience of you living your own life without him ever seeing you again.
Why should you not? He's untied you to him. He needs to do something to get you to be in his life. Not wait around knowing you're coming back and he can take or leave seeing you whenever.
Do you see? Right now he texts you in the middle of the night, OK, and then when you comfort him and he hears you'll be home soon, he's off to Iraq? He's comforted so now he can stop pursuing.
Just the fact that he was counting on flying away with his mom on your credit and feeling comfortable enough to ask you to watch his house (and dogs) while he flies away to Iraq. There's a lot of Peter Pan flying away going on here. And your always in the picture...providing him with free flights, providing him with a house-sitter. Maybe you could do his laundry while he's away too!
You need to ground him by removing yourself physically in his vision of your availability in his life; if he doesn't claim you, you could be the one "flying away."
You are right on the money tink. I actually took to heart what you said and wrote him an email. I told him in it that taking care of the dogs and the house by myself wasn't something I was considering as a "pro" on my pros and cons list. I also suggested that he consider other options and that I was "actually thinking about just staying here...". I didn't elude to when or why, but I let him get the idea that although I wasn't giving him the proverbial eye roll at his proposition; I also wasn't going to be his "yes girl" either. You couldn't have phrased it better when you pointed all of this out to me about his feeling comforted and then being off again to fly around in his dream world. I am getting stronger every day; I just hope I can keep my mouth shut while he keeps laying on the charm. Your support is so appreciated!
You're very welcome; glad we can help! Also fee free to have us check out your emails to him if you want any help tweaking them before you hit send. You are doing great!
Hi everyone, Still struggling to stop w/the texting and phone calls. I was doing pretty well until H started with the whole "I might go to Iraq" thing yesterday. I spent the day very sick to my stomach and depressed. It's not even a sure thing, I guess I just started missing the days when I was more than a flight benefit or a means to solve his problems. He did call me last night after I sent the email that said I wasn't too keen on the idea of house-sitting etc.; but I was busy and missed the call. Then for God only knows what reason, I started thinking about my dog (who he's taking care of right now). He was so skinny and frail looking when I had gone to visit on Monday and I got this mother-like concern for him late last night (I'm embarrassed to say it was midnight...). Anyway, I broke down and sent a text saying, "Jeffrey (my dog) seemed so frail,I'm worried about him; give him a special hug for me..." H texted back "Oh I will, he's laying in bed w/me now" To which I said "OK, good". I think H thought I was saying "goodnight" and left out the "night" part; so he just replied with a final "goodnight". "G'nt" I said. As I sheepishly sunk into my covers. I think it's safe to say that my visit with H brought out in me the same old behaviors I was just beginning to reform when I moved in with my Mom and started DB-ing. I will need you guys and your help to get back to really implementing those changes before I become a distant memory to H. That's all for now...
P.S.; It goes without saying that I will NOT be sending any more emails, text messages, or phone calls for a while. I am back to stage one..."Letting the dust settle" and "reducing negative emotions".
I have no idea. That's a good question. Just keep living my life in the fullest way possible. It's been kind of a depressing few days. I'm starting to feel a little hopeless.
