Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Retrouvaille

Sounds like you have great kids. If you didn't have one with issues, you wouldn't be normal.

"Besides telling us a bit about your family, also tell us what your wife's complaints have been about you/your marriage, and what you were doing when things were good."

Now fast forward to today, she says she is just not happy. We have the regular problems most couples have finances, trust issues, and we have put our kids infront of our own marriage for so long we have drifted apart from one another. So like I said last year she had some friends from her home town come to visit, and they went out clubbing like 4 nights in a row. After that, she has gotten back in contact with her ex, and when i looked at the cell phone bill, they used to talk for 4-5 hours a call. She went on and on about how they was just talking and it was nothing. Then after I told her that she has no reason to be calling him and vice/versa she told me she would stop but didnt. Now finally after a few months it was another guy from her job she started to confide in, I asked about that, she sent me an email saying that the two were close but it is nothing. So from that I fast forward to today. She is having an affair, it is to the point like she is so anxious to talk to this guy it kills her. I can run to the store and she is calling or texting him on the regular. Of course when I found about him like three months ago, of course it is someone I just met and it is nothing. her complaints are that I'm not their for her emotionally. Our finances have been broken for so long she feels hopeless they can ever be fixed. And of course the havoc my son has caused us. All I can say is everytime I offer a solution like our financies. I'm starting a budget in June, all she says is well that may not be enough. She says she just does not know what she wants, and she needs some time to think things through. All along she having this affair with this guy.

She says maybe we should separate so she can have time to herself. Well the thing about that is if we separate it will make the financial strain just that much touhger. So I called around and came upon retrouvialle. Read all these success storiesand she agreed to go. The thing is I'm starting to think that she is only doing this so I can have closure. I believe she is going to go, just to say well I went and nothing changed so thats that. When we talked about it I asked her the only way it will work if she will have an open mind and heart and she said. Well I'm the one who sent the form in, let my actions have some sort of meaning to you please! The reason I had to ask that is because when we went to marriage counseling (the counselor was not very good I must add)she said she was going in with an open mind but she was so damn negative and blaming me for unhappiness that is made me boil inside but I never showed it. I just keep saying we have hurt each other and we need to find some way to really forgive one another. She agreed and I thought we were heading somewhere. And then I ran across this email she sent O/M. Stating that she has never opened her heart up to one other person, and he hurt her (NOT ME)and she feels this guy is doing the samething. She quoted him as saying that he will always be there for her and all the other mumbo jumbo. But the part that got me steaming was the part when she told him our marriage have been over with for along time now. And she can totally see their lives coming together, and she wants them to move forward together. I was floored to say the least.

Duplicate post deleted by sgctxok

And thats where am at today, I try to stay calm and put on a face of I dont care about her but she knows I do. She knows how I feel, and I'm really looking forward to this retrouvialle opportunity, but I feel it is to far away (TIME WISE) July 25 is almost 2 months away and aint no telling whats going to happen in that time frame. I understand that with her going through this MLC she is not telling me the truth about what she really fells, and I think she is just saying she is going to go just to say she tried.

I wouldn't do it then unless she was really very religious. Not now anyway.

Let's work on some other things. Let's improve your advantage point, and let the OM show his true colors, let the fascination wear off there.

So what are her dissatisfactions with YOUR marriage, and what was going on when it was great?


I will check in this evening.

Financies, my son, well he is my disatisfaction to not lying here. And she just feel that we somehow disconnected over the years. We have put our kids before us, and it has taken a toll. And now I just think her actions fit the description of someonethats going through a MLC. Even though on the retrouvialle website they call this stage MISORY. Then the next stage is awakening. I'm trying to get us to that stage, but it seems I'm pushing and carrying her all the time. To my surpirse though she did mail in the information, and chose us to have one bed instead of two. When I asked her about it she yelled let my actions speak for something please. Because Im always like second guessing her, when she says something I will be like please just tell me the truth.

I even went as far as asking her what the retrouvialle program is all about. Trying to reconcile, and she sais yes she knows and yes and she believe their is an opportunity for to reconcile but the question is when. Im going to stand firm for my family as I do not want my kids to go through what she went through when her parents divorced. When things were great we went out alot, we talked communicated, and everything. then over time things just started to change. She started to critisize more so I stopped opening up, and only telling her half truths.

Confused,

I have to tell you this, there are no magic bullets or quick fixes here. If she is in MLC then Retrouvialle might be helpful, but...honest there are no quick fixes. I'm hoping that you don't see this event as the eye opening your wife needs to 'snap' out of this.

If you are your setting yourself up for one giant diassapointment, and well, possible failure.