well she got back to me about the cleaning and a tualy stated she wants to help. she even joked about watching me clean the bathrooms for the first time. so i desided to take the first move and higher a house cleaner and make sure the pla e is spotless. that way i can also take your advise ladey B and " take care" of my W by not haveing her clean.
Wait, she stated that she wants to help, and you hired a housecleaner? You know her better than anyone, so you'll know if that was a good move. I think the two of you could clean the grunge, and hire a house cleaner to top it all of, and make it "spotless". Is there a cleaning deposit you are trying to get back?
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
securety deposit and i have just called a cleaner, no qoutes or money has changed hads. from your point of view what do you thing ? i DONT know my wife and as a woman you might see things I dont
If it was ME, I'd be thrilled that you found someone to clean the house...but that's just me, and I don't like to clean.
BUT, if I'd just talked to you, and told you I WANTED to help, then I wouldn't expect you to hire someone to do what I WANT to do.
You could say, "Hey, since I know you're so busy, I found this company that will come clean houses for only $xxx. So, I was thinking I'll do some grunge work, like clean the bathrooms for that star picture you're looking for, and repair the holes in the walls, and then have this company come and polish it all up. What do you think?"
That way, you're not perceived as being lazy, she can still help if she wants, and likely you'll get most of your security deposit back.
That's my opinion.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
wow thats awsome!! thanks ladey B thats just the compromise I was looking for. I figure i can get the bathrooms ( shutter) and kitchen and the company can get the carpets. thank you so much
When you're dreaming with a broken heart The waking up is the hardest part You roll outta bed and down on your knees And for the moment you can hardly breathe Wondering was she really here? Is she standing in my room? No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
When you're dreaming with a broken heart The giving up is the hardest part She takes you in with her crying eyes Then all at once you have to say goodbye Wondering could you stay my love? Will you wake up by my side? No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands? Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands? Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my , roses in my hands?
Would you get them if i did? No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....
When you're dreaming with a broken heart The waking up is the hardest part
Gee, I wonder how the writer of that song got inspired? I'm gonna go with true life experience.
Hi, I'm in South Africa. How's that for GAL?
Marcum, you are doing really well. You have become very wise to what is going on. She wants you to contact her more, she doesn't want you to contact her. I feel like you need to tell her exactly what you told us. Tell her that you don't know what to do. Tell her that she is confusing you. SO...
So then, if you decide that you are going to give her space, then tell her that is why you are not contacting her. OR,
If you decide you are going to contact her often, then tell her that is why you are contacting her often.
Put your truth out there and stand back. If she is confused, then great. Give her time to work it out. I'll bet some clarity will help you both.
Just a suggestion. I should probably do the same thing. Hmm.
Me 41 W 39 d7, s4 M 13 Bomb ILYBNILWY November 28th, 2007
Im going to invite my W out to lunch today and try the " truth factor". what ever she asks for in our sitch i will give her and be honest in the fact that i am only living up to what she wants.
Good luck - I think a separation can be healthy if there is a purpose to it and agreed upon "ground rules". How much contact, how much time to give it before checking in with each other, no dating others, etc. Unfortunately, it seems like most separations are much more one-sided and full of conflict. If you and W can agree on what should be happening during this time, that would give both of you a lot more clarity about how to use this time.
me: 47 H: 48 he has 2 grown sons M 1995(my 1st, his 3rd) hit iceberg 6/07 S 9/26/07 before now
well the wife and I had a date today. we agreed to go out to a local festival. we had lunch and hung out, and even seen a long lost friend of ours. it was realy nice. I was attentive but not to clingy. the R never came up but we did flirt. whem we seperated at the end she followe me and asked what i was doing later. I told her i might call her.
Welll i had just worked a 16 hour day. i worked from 11pm to 7 am, then 7 -3 pm. so after all thyat and the fun we had i fell asleep ( read passed out lol ) so i got woke uop at 721 today by the W and she seemes mad. she said she thought i would be up by now. folks i usualy go to bed by 7 am. well i played it cool and asked what was up and she told me there was some stuff at the old house she needed me to move to the basment for her so her parents could move it this weekend. I told her no problem. i asked her what she did last night ( as I was trying to figure out why she was so mad.) she told me after our date she went to a friends house and they had a " girl talk".
now i know the friend she went to . this is one of the " MArcum Sucks why are you trying" friends...
ahh well when i saw her last i got a bunch of smiles and even a blush when i told her she was preety. thats whet i hang on to. I cant effect what her friends do or say to her. all I can do is continue to she ter changes in me and be myself. hope its enough
