It seems like i only come here and post when i have a crappy day and i really appreciate the support that i get from that, but i though today i would share what a wonderful day I had today. It was an amazing day at work. One of the top 5 best days I have had in my career. For about two hours today nothing in my life mattered even a little bit, i felt so alive. I am going to ride this high the rest of the day and then go back to keeping my emotions in check. On a day like this I would run home and take my W to dinner and tell her all about it, instead I am going to go to dinner with buddies from work and talk it up, and I am ok with that. Thanks for the support everyone that has posted advice and kind words here helps to make these days possible.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
i got an email from W yesterday. she wanted to know if I still had any of the links from apartments near the law school that we had looked at. i sent her what i had. i then added a bit extra and I hope that it was not bad.
she has been stressed about making the move to law school, so i told her to try and relax because it will all work out ok. i told her that she has a lot of people including me who want her to do very well there and could help her if she wants it. I also apologized for making her feel like she walks in my shadow and that all I ever wanted was to walk side by side. Law school is her time to shine and I want to support her like she did me. I told her that I will not give up on her and that she is the most incredible person I have ever meet.
I kept it friendly with no i love you or clinginess, so i am not sure if it is a slip up or not, but i have been holding back so much i just had to tell her a bit.
Then i heard that Her and Mom had a very good tearful conversation. not sure all of the details but mom made sure she knew that she was loved and support by us. W was in a great mood for the rest of the day and even agreed to join my parents on an already planned visit to see me. we are meeting at a national park between our two cities.
That is good new but here comes the hard part. I am going to "act as if" i am a really good friend. No R or M talk or clinginess just be my self enjoy my parents company and hers. We always have fun at things like that.
I am trying to be prepared for things that may get to me. if she is rude, if she keeps getting text messages, and the big one she is not wearing her wedding ring any more. I have been thinking about that a lot. In the LRT DB talks about the importance of not saying I Love You. This makes total sense and its to painful to not hear it back anyways. I was wondering if she is not wearing hers and i wear mine is that the same as me saying I Love you a million times. I could send the wrong message weather i wear it or not so i would rather error on the message that’s says i am still here and wear it.
I am also nervous as I am sure she will be to, we have not seen each other or barley spoken for 7 weeks. I will bring our puppy to help ease things a bit, but would greatly appreciate any suggestions, I meet them tomorrow night.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
JWS, that's awesome, I'm so happy that you get to spend some time with her! It's an opportunity to show her YOU.
I would just make sure you are in a great, confident mood and let anything that she does that hurts you roll right off your back (you could use your mental baseball bat to hit them out of the park). So what if she is not wearing her ring or gets a text message or acts weird? Those things may mean something completely different to her than they do to you. Don't assume that you know what anything means, and give her all the benefit of the doubt.
Just have fun, and keep remembering what a great guy you are, what a great situation you are in: you're on a trip with your family, it's summer, you're at a beautiful national park. Life is good.
My suggestions would be to do fun, athletic stuff, bring a football or soccer ball, go hiking, play games. You could even bring four squirt guns. Attraction is heightened with physical activity and novel situations, so try something new.
I'll be thinking of you and sending you good thoughts!
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
I just got my second email initiated be her in as many days. this one was full of the words US and WE. it was refering to getting the appartment at law school. it was noting about R or M but it was really hopful and up beat. she ended it with see you tomorrow. what a good day!
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
I am afraid that this is not going well. I have realized that I am ok. See does not seem to be. When they showed up to pick me up she was crying. She did not say a word to me. Then we drove three hours to our destination. No words only texting every two mins. Eventualy dinner was a bit better. Then we walked the dog. Talk a bit she asked me how I was. I told her good and told her about the good things I have been up to. We talked about how to spilt things up for the appartment. Witch she wants in both our names (because I have a job) she was sounding very final. I eventualy said that I would never give up on her. She thanked me and then said that she had to be honest and felt she was pretty much completely finished and moving on. I said that it was ok she felt that way but I do not. I did mention god having a plan and got snapped at for preaching. In a moment of weekness thw big mistake was asking her if she was seeing anyone. Big idiot I know but I know she talks to this guy for hours. Anyways she said no. Then I told her things will ok. And said that she never needed to let pride or fear of me stop her from changing her mind. She said that she considered me a good friend that she has been neglecting and that she wanted to work on that. I said mee too and left it alone. We played with puppy and lef it at that. Tomorrow we are going to look at an appartment before the other stuff we planned. My parents and her decided that and changed plans a bit before they picked me up.
So that’s what happened. My thoughts. It does not change much. She is in the fog and confused. Getting who knows what advice. She has already told me its over before. I know I can stand on my own to feet and live. She will have to do the same first. I was not looking for progress or answers on this trip. I had hoped not to be kicked again but I am strong. I sliped abit and I hate that. I get so few chances. Tomorrow starts a new day. Again very friendly no expectations and show her I am ok. I am not sure about the whole appartment thing though. This is so fricken hard. On one hand I want to kick her to the curb on the other hand hold her forever. I am so in the middle righ now it does not even hurt.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
