I hear you, Jeff. When my first M ended, I made the mistake of telling W1 to take her time finding a place to live after the D. Well, she hung around for two months, and when she left I was so happy to get her out I basically told her that I was going to be away on moving day, and she was welcome to anything in the house she wanted. When I got back, the house was trashed and I had no pots/pans, dishes, silverware, living room furniture, books, cd/dvd's, pictures -- well, you get the picture. And you know what? I didn't miss a thing. Especially her.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
On the other hand, this time around W and I have agreed on the division of everything without really any disagreements. The main reason was because I tried to be as fair as possible in terms of household stuff, as well as support for a period of time after the D. We had everything figured out, and the L's almost complained that they had nothing to do.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
On the other hand, this time around W and I have agreed on the division of everything without really any disagreements. The main reason was because I tried to be as fair as possible in terms of household stuff, as well as support for a period of time after the D. We had everything figured out, and the L's almost complained that they had nothing to do.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
karen43: might be wrong but it sounds to me like your W has already emotionally checked out of your R and from your kids as well. I think kids are much smarter than we give them credit, b/c I know my kids figured that out before me I am pretty sure. Having the empty shell that is formerly your W around doesn't probably help the situation, and in my opinion, it is probably often harder having the WAS around when they are emotionally checked out and disconnected. I know it was painful for me and I imagine it is painful and scary for the kids as well.
She is gone, emotionally checked out, she says she has been for awhile. I don't care what she takes, as long as I get the kids.
The kids and I will have a great time together, as always, I don't think I want the kids to see the moving company taking our stuff, they would be confused.
It will be good for the kids, to see W every day this summer, and I don't think the full impact of what the W is doing will hit her until the kids are in school full-time and she doesn't see them everyday. - then I go completely dark, only contact with W when necessary, I'll hire a babysitter before I ask W to watch the kids
I made sure we were on the same page about the kids (when they go back to school) W knows and agreed today that I will take kids to school and pick them up, that I do not want her over at the house everyday (I'm going to change all the locks on the house when the kids get back into school) And W knows that she will have to give up the brand new 07 Chrysler Grand Caravan. She get the old 1997 F-150 truck.
FYI. canceled credit card, I have a credit card account and W had the extra card, if she needed it. I told her there was some unauthorized activity on the account so I closed the account.
Final thought - I wonder if she takes our wedding album
I'm going to be happy, helpful, forgiving, patient and loving. Not just to W and kids, but to everyone I know and meet. This is me, this is how I want to live my life, this may not be the best course of action to save a marriage, but its the best way to live my life. Why is the right path is always the hardest.
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.
M45 W41 M10 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me PA confirmed 03/08 no sex yet ?? let me hope !!! Moving Van comming Saturday May 31st
hopeful4her: do you think that she is only thinking separation and not divorce?
she has said so may things, seperation, to see if this is what I want to if I move out we might as well face it I'll probably divorce you.
Also said on several occasions, that she isn't ever getting married again. That she isn't cut out for marriage, having to show consideration by telling other person where she is going and stuff like that.
I know its sad but I truly believe she will regret her decision but it will be too late, I'll have moved on and will be unwilling to attempt reconciliation because of what she has done to me in the past and making me go through all this crap.
She has 1 year from June 1st - the clock is ticking
I'm going to be happy, helpful, forgiving, patient and loving. Not just to W and kids, but to everyone I know and meet. This is me, this is how I want to live my life, this may not be the best course of action to save a marriage, but its the best way to live my life. Why is the right path is always the hardest.
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.
M45 W41 M10 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me PA confirmed 03/08 no sex yet ?? let me hope !!! Moving Van comming Saturday May 31st
Jeff, it sounds as if you are handling a difficult situation really well. I hate dates looming in front of me(well, just when they are bad things) so I can only imagine how you are feeling now. You are in my prayers and I know you have many friends here for you. kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hey whatdidido, I'm here for you, why do I think W will regret her decision, 1. she has always told me and continues to tell me that I'm the best husband anyone could ever have, gentle, kind, understanding, giving, etc. 2. she has always told me and continues to tell me that I'm the best father anyone could ever ask for, I'm direct, I'm concerned, I'm involved, I'm patient, etc. 3. she has 4 beautiful children that she is walking away from. It doesn't feel that bad right now, but when she is working fulltime and they are in school fulltime, and they grow farther and farther apart, I think she will regret her decisions. 4. As I begin to move away from her, we have been each others best friends for years, as I begin to live my own life without her, I believe she will begin to regret her decision, she has already said to me, she is scared of me finding another woman, she is extremely jealous and to see me with anyone, will drive her up the wall. 5. As she gets back into the real world of taking care of herself paying her own way, bills, etc where you have to decide that you cannot go out becaue you don't have enough money, etc. 6. As she begins to lose the excitement of the OM 7. As our friends and family begin to understand what she has done to me and her kids.
Kat727, thank you for the prayers, I need them. listen to this, W had a interview tonight, she looked beautiful, I took kids to D9 softball game, W interview was at 7:00pm, its now 10:00pm interview is way over, she is out doing who knows what, I came home and I wanted to call her (I wanted her home), I was sooo tempted to call her and say, whats going on, why aren't you home helping out ??? kept thinking of you guys and where I'm headed and thought to myself, don't call her, leave her alone in her fantasy world. I have to get use to her not being here, I cannot call her and act like I want her.
See earlier post about W telling D9 about what is going on and D9 not saying much about it. D9 came down to my office to kiss me goodnight, and I asked her if she understood what W was telling her today, D9 said nothing and just ran upstairs to her bed crying. I took care of the situation, D9 and the rest of the kids have always heard the same thing from me, Mom does what she wants and there is nothing we can do about it. I have told them this again and again. When they expect mom to be at a softball game or do something with them she said she would and it doesn't happen, they understand, mom does what she wants and there is nothing we can do about it. W has let the kids down so many time already in their short life.
I need to check on the kids, I'll talk to everyone shortly, thank you all for looking in on me, Girls, Kat727, Karen43. whatdidido, Sara, goodnight and sweetdreams.
I'm going to be happy, helpful, forgiving, patient and loving. Not just to W and kids, but to everyone I know and meet. This is me, this is how I want to live my life, this may not be the best course of action to save a marriage, but its the best way to live my life. Why is the right path is always the hardest.
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.
M45 W41 M10 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me PA confirmed 03/08 no sex yet ?? let me hope !!! Moving Van comming Saturday May 31st
