"The text could have been a way for him to check and see if he still has me on the hook."
Absolutely! Of course it was.
You handled it GREAT.
(When I was saying about him checking to see if you are alone in the middle of the night, I hope it goes without saying, don't ever suggest anything like that! It takes the power away from it. He'll imagine well enough all on his own.)
Thanks hopeful. I'm sorry that you are dealing with a third party; I read in Divorce Remedy these "reasons" that our spouses give us for their MLC's and mine sure sounded like he has been unfaithful (or is being), but to date he hasn't and wouldn't admit to anything. (Don't worry I don't ask anymore). That's got to be tough. My H would say "it's not about you..." or "too little too late", just like the book said! Got me thinking but I realized that it is what it is and I am just glad he was thinking about me yesterday. I'll have to read your story too.
I read your page hopeful, and my heart goes out to you. My H also went on the "other" website which begins with a "my" and ends with a "space" ...(I know we can't 'advertise' here); anyway - the world wide web definately helps the walk away spouse quickly find their new lives but I also read in DR that an affair; even physical ones usually only last about 6 months; not that I'm minimizing them, just saying I think when it comes down to it, I agree with the book that the spouse is simply trying to be with the person that gives them a good feeling about themselves. That's why WE need to try and feel good about being around us. I guess I'm learning to look at the big picture and am trying not to let any "injustice" or my perception of it hamper the ultimate goal; reconciling. My DB coach told me to try and increase positive interactions by decreasing or eliminating anything that might cause negative emotions. That was the best advice yet. She said no matter what you say or do, ask yourself, "If I do/say____, will this increase positive emotions?" If not, DON'T say/do it! Pretty simple. My H also kind of "strayed" from spiritual stuff too but your spouse was right; her actions ARE between her and God; as tough as it is to come to terms with. You, I, and other left behind spouses have enough work on our hands to get ourSELVES where we need to be...so they will want to be with us. (added bonus!). Hang in there.
UPDATE***H HAS MADE SIGNIFICANT CONTACT***NEED ADVICE BEFORE I WRITE BACK: Okay all, H sent me a text message again last night, this time at 11:30 instead of midnight. It said, "check your email". I'm thinking to myself he couldn't possibly have written me back but INDEED, he did! Remember that "clean slate" email I sent him? Well...here was his response, forgive the bad spelling, I took this straight from my email and just did the cut and paste and he means dogs when he says "kids": "Debbie,I am doing OK thanks for asking. The kids miss you alot they are doing fine. When do you expect to move back down? I have a surprise attached to this email for you I hope you like it. Thanks for writing me im sorry it has taken so long to write you back. I'm glad you see were I'm coming from. I just wanted to try and start over and see were things go. Hell maybe you wont be able to stand me when you get to know me again, hell i have a hard enough time liking me sometimes. Work sucks as usual. I re did mt resume and have aplyed for a sales position at a Logistics company. I hope I get an interview any way i thought about you when I made up these surprises for you."
[H] (I changed the name to 'H' of course!) So DB'rs what now?
Oh, and I forgot, the whole "surprise" thing was two photographs of my favorite breathtaking views of our city's skyline. He knows that I almost cry when I see them and he sent me two of those pics!
I had caught a glimpse of your sitch on the prayer circle.
"HELP! What do you do when you are ready to give up?" ....Pray and don't give up and that is what you have done and behold the wonderful things that follow. Praise God!
That is really lovely that he not only replied but sent you those two pics which hold such meaning to you.
Oh and in the advice dept., just continue to pray unceasingly and take things nice and slow. If you haven't done so already, identify some 180's that you can implement. Do be sure to keep expectations low and remember that anything worthwhile in the reconciling dept. will take a long time to happen. Proceed with caution but do proceed positively.
May the Lord's grace, peace & love be boundless in your M and all your life.
sending those pics is a very positive indicator to me that he is both capable of doing things to show you that he loves you and that he wants to please you.
Don't get "over eager" as you did last time that there was a glimmer of hope.
