Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again 18th Anniversary

It seems that my H can't stand to see me grieving - he keeps saying that no matter what he does (lies, tells the truth, stays, goes) he hurts me.

So, I've slapped the smile back on my face, but really, there's only so long this can go on before I end up in the psych ward.

Its ironic to me, that we are the ones that have to make sure not to hurt or upset them, but they are the ones who created this situation, and yet if we make them face that they want to high tail it to the hills!
A few months ago, I sat down with H and told him what my feels were, I said it need to be done and it did help, but I think they have to be in the right place to hear that with out them panicing!

I think the defensiveness/anger means that they don't feel fully heard yet. I know I jumped too quickly to my own feelings the last two times we've talked.

It's not fair, but it doesn't seem to be optional.

Very true....

Sometimes I feel that my H just doesn't see why an effort has to be made.
Awhile ago I told him that I would like him to just hold me sometimes, give me hug, nothing silly, just a normal hug, but still nothing.
Our contact is a cuddle in the morning before we get up, and one before we go to sleep, and nothing in between.
Also he just can't kiss me nicely, again he has to act silly, now I don't mind it from time to time, but its all the time, I just feel that there is no true loving touch or tenderness.
I sometimes, alot of the time I just need that.
So I have just given up asking or pointing it out, because it makes no difference.