yesterday my parents had to go to a wedding that my brother and I didn't want to attend, so my brother (24) and I got to spend the day together. It was great--we went to the library and checked out DVDs together, and picked up haircare products, and then made chili and cornbread and did some facercise !!! (aka "facebuilder for men")
Sounds like you are having some wonderful family time T. You are proof that DBing works for every day life.. not just our relationships with our partners.
Hugs, W2G
PS. I agree about the Bday thing. I think a card or a text sound perfect. I'm not sure I'd do both but that's just me.
You guys are all soooooo awesome!!! I am so lucky!!!
Who's ready to listen to some BRAIN SPEW?????
Ok, I still haven't heard from him. WHY hasn't he emailed meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee???? Yesterday I think I checked my email probably 27 times. (BIG SIGH OUT LOUD). AT the end of today it will be a week since my email. If he doesn't email me after 9 days (wednesday, remember how I joked about us each adding 2 days to the response time?) I will be officially confused. I mean I told him 'early june', I didn't tell him I was going to be there for 3 weeks, for all he knows I could only be in town the first weekend of June or something. But I have to remind myself, the reason *I* didn't email him back was b/c I was so scared of doing the wrong thing. Maybe that is what he is doing, or tit-for-tat, or WTF knows. (WHIMPER WHIMPER)
Right now I am thinking just a text message for his birthday. Maybe even nothing at all? If he isn't answering my emails I think a card could be very pursuing. I might look for a card tomorrow anyway though to give to him in person if we meet, if I decide to give him the gift??? I forgot my collection of funny cards and postcards in Atlanta including the birthday card I already selected in DECEMBER (jeez, NOT using my months of preparation to my advantage), I'm not sure I'll be able to find something quirky and clever here in virginia... is there a special store somewhere? Cards for DBing, INC? Categories like: Show You Care, But Not Too Much? Clever, But Not Pursuing? We could all go there. Maybe OD could be the Mistress of the Inventory!!!!!!
One thing I have learned is that I will NEVER take that long to respond to his emails again. Probably he was wondering the same stuff I am wondering now when I took a week to respond to him. Even if I can't think of exactly what to say I can always just send him a link to something silly to keep the tennis ball going back and forth over the net...
I dunno guys. I am feeling very low motivation right now as I get closer to the possibility of me meeting with him. Is it just me avoiding the source of Stress, now that it is getting closer??
I also felt really discouraged yesterday. Like... even if he wanted to come back, how the &%$# is this going to work? Please don't tell me to give up, guys. I need encouragement. The Voice told me again, "Be Patient." I reminded myself that we don't have to know how to get the things we want for them to arrive in our lives....
Otherwise, brother24 and my Mom are rocking my world right now. I can't believe how much better things are now than they used to be. They are being so sweet to me and we are really connecting. It might be time for me to start DB'ing my Dad too!
PS I will post to everyone later--I am sorry I feel like I am not very useful or insightful right now... I am still reading though, just feel like I don't have anything useful to say...
Hi T, No need to apologise! You've given more than enough of yourself on these boards, I dont think you have anything to say sorry for. I guess he isnt NOT replying on purpose (as you were), as he is not DBing you, as you were. So he is probably just busy. I agree that it is disappointing though. Maybe hes thinking a bit about his reply, seeing as you said you were coming to town, but theres no way of knowing.
I agree, a pressie is too much, wait and see if he emails back, but maybe an email on his birthday would do. As much contact as me and my BF were having, he still didnt get me a card for my birthday (and thats totally unlike him) and if you email or text, you dont have the stress of trying to choose the perfect card at least!
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
T, my lovely. ((((((hugs)))))) I'm sorry you're having a bad day today. And Ali is right- there's no need to apologise AT ALL!!
Originally Posted By: transformer
Who's ready to listen to some BRAIN SPEW????
Me!! I am!!
Originally Posted By: transformer
Yesterday I think I checked my email probably 27 times. (BIG SIGH OUT LOUD). AT the end of today it will be a week since my email. If he doesn't email me after 9 days (wednesday, remember how I joked about us each adding 2 days to the response time?) I will be officially confused.
27 times?! Could you not have checked it just a little more often T? I mean, what were you doing with yourself the rest of the time?!!! Where's that super-amazing T detachment gone? Officially stop checking your e-mails now. A watched inbox never gets messages (or something to that effect!)
Originally Posted By: transformer
I mean I told him 'early june'
were you jokey when you said it, T? Or was there a message there, or an associated expectation?
Originally Posted By: transformer
But I have to remind myself, the reason *I* didn't email him back was b/c I was so scared of doing the wrong thing. Maybe that is what he is doing, or tit-for-tat, or WTF knows. (WHIMPER WHIMPER)
Yes, or maybe he's just a bit busy. Or thinking about what to write back, or trying to find something similarly witty and funny, or his e-mail went down, or he's broken his right index finger........? I know it's really hard but try not to interpret/analyse what he's thinking/doing/not doing. Maybe he's in his cave, thinking......
Originally Posted By: transformer
Right now I am thinking just a text message for his birthday. Maybe even nothing at all?
I think definitely a text message at least. Whether he contacts you or not is not the point. The point is to show that you would like to be his friend, and that you remember important dates. So, a text, or an e-mail, or an e-card. One thing I think about your sitch, T, is that you have been very good at withdrawing/going dark. If you go dark now, you will protect your own feelings because you won't be thinking about contact, but if the goal is to re-establish your friendship with B, I think sending a reminder of you to him on his borthday (in the form of a brief text/e-mail) is a good thing. And NOT pursuing at all.
BTW, were you ever the pursuer in your R with B? I might not be rememering right, but if you weren't, would remembering him and maintaining a little open contact be a 180? I know the prevailing wisdom here is that there should be no pursuit, but I do think this is in cases where people have already been in pursuit.
Originally Posted By: transformer
I might look for a card tomorrow anyway though to give to him in person if we meet, if I decide to give him the gift???
What gift? The book? I vote 'No' to gift giving at this stage!
Originally Posted By: transformer
is there a special store somewhere? Cards for DBing, INC? Categories like: Show You Care, But Not Too Much? Clever, But Not Pursuing? We could all go there. Maybe OD could be the Mistress of the Inventory!!!!!!
LMAO, but I would be rubbish at inventorying things- no eye for detail at all! But thank you for the lovely compliment, T!
Originally Posted By: transformer
One thing I have learned is that I will NEVER take that long to respond to his emails again.
Amen to that!!! Less woryy, more just being the lovely natural T who we all love, and who B loves.
Originally Posted By: transformer
Probably he was wondering the same stuff I am wondering now when I took a week to respond to him.
Maybe...... or maybe not. Maybe he thought you were busy..... (?)
Originally Posted By: transformer
Even if I can't think of exactly what to say I can always just send him a link to something silly to keep the tennis ball going back and forth over the net...
Hmmmmm, even if you can't think of anything to say? I'm going to 2x4 you a little now, my lovely friend. You don't NEED to think of anything amazing to say. You just need to be yourself. Be natural with him. He won't love you more for sending him amazing Ethiopian music compared to other music that you love. He won't be thinking 'Wow, look how many great newspaper articles T reads'. He'll be thinking, 'how nice to hear from T. I wonder how she's getting on. I've missed speaking to her' Just be you and send friendly, happy replies that encourage more ball batting!!
Originally Posted By: transformer
I dunno guys. I am feeling very low motivation right now as I get closer to the possibility of me meeting with him. Is it just me avoiding the source of Stress, now that it is getting closer??
I don't know. Sorry!! Do you think you're avoiding the source of stress? And why is meeting him a source of stress? Aren't yu looking orward to the possibility as an opportunity to show you cool and great you are? I get the feeling that maybe you have some expectations about the meeting, T. As though it's a critical event that will make or break your DBing altogether (incidentally, I get that feeling about the e-mails aswell!). It's not going to make or break your DBing at all. it's just a single step on your journey. And it will go brilliantly! And if it doesn't, you can always change course a little- that's what's so fab about DB!
Originally Posted By: transformer
I also felt really discouraged yesterday. Like... even if he wanted to come back, how the &%$# is this going to work? Please don't tell me to give up, guys. I need encouragement. The Voice told me again, "Be Patient." I reminded myself that we don't have to know how to get the things we want for them to arrive in our lives....
This is so true, T! You are SO WISE! Keep being patient. You're going to do this. And you've had so many baby steps this month. Keep giving it time. And keep DBing everyone. I LOVE that!!!
Sorry for this massively long post, and if I've been a bit harsh. Now I've written it, I think maybe you just wanted a hug, so ((((((((((((((((((((T)))))))))))))))))))))
I agree with everything Lisa says... Sorry you are having a hard day.
You know the Alchimist, the book? It says "when you want something bad enough, UNIVERSE "makes a conspiracy" (can't write the verb)to give it to you". And the secret says "imagine what you want, FEEL gratitude for HAVING it (act as if) and don't worry about how it will happen. It will". Positive thinking. Most of the times THEY have NC what we are going through waiting for them to contact us. Actually, I belive it is ALL of the times. He maybe looking for a good moment to do it. He may be on a trip, who knows?
Hang on sweetheart, K
Can't believe I missed your post!!! Good thing I saw Lisa posting.
Where's that super-amazing T detachment gone? Officially stop checking your e-mails now. A watched inbox never gets messages (or something to that effect!)