As far as the kids go... defending your wife's actions isn't your job.
Listening.. listening some more with "uh uh's", paraphrasing what they say in fewer words, continuing to listen. The more you do that, with the 'uh huh', 'ohhh', paraphrasing the more the child will be able to articulate what's going on. It takes some time but I've done it with my kids with incredible results.
Give them the opportunity to say what they feel which they can only do in a safe, secure environment. Let them be the ones who talk.
You let them know you love them, their mommy loves them. You assure them you will always be with them, you're not going any place.
This is a beautiful time to just alone with them.. and listen, reassure.. and when they're done crying, being angry, upset.. go play, be the Dad.. give them the chance to be children again.
Hope you have a great weekend Woog. You kids are so lucky to have you. My Ds are bummed that their dad won't be going on vaction with us this summer. I am planning on making it a fantastic vacation. It is time for you and me to start making some new and improved memories for our children. As far as your children saying things about their mom. They will either realize now or later what she has and hasn't done.
R 23 years M 20 years Bomb June 2007 S Oct 2007 Ds 11 & 16 Ds and I moved out Aug. 2008