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I just keep thinking, him wanting to talk before he broke up with OW seemed to be prompted by him worrying I was gonna file for D or was dating or something. It did seem to scare him a bit.

I'm hoping to get that same worry here. If it doesn't then I guess I get my answer.

But I think I'd take the intermediate step of filing for S. I'm not ready to go back on saying I'd never file for D.

I understand your frustration, but he isn't the one that has the problem with it....you do.

Its just if you had this talk you really would have to be prepared for him to say that and also for him to say that if you have a problem then YOU do something about it.

Trust me, I know where you are at right now. Filing for D is the last thing I would have wanted to do. I don't want it so why should I have to be the one to file??? I was at my breaking point when I had that talk with H, I was fully prepared to file the next day. I didn't want to but I was prepared.

As Ali said, tread carefully. I don't know if either one of you are ready for that talk. ....Maybe after OW has been back for a little bit?

Michelle,

I can understand your frustration. You sound like a mature and down to earth person (almost LOL). You know that doing something to cause a reaction usually backfires. You wouldn't do that, right? You 've been so patient and smart through all this. I trust you completely, do what you think is right... (I know you will be careful)

K

I have been considering this off an on for months now. Before the baby steps of hanging out and "dating". And I am considering them again now that we have backslid so far with no end in sight.

I certainly don't want to wait for the stupid slut to come back to the US and be 2 miles away from my H. If he has any chance of making this M work, he's gonna have to avoid her like the plague.

I might be playing devils' advocate here... but... if H is involved with OW in person, 2 miles away, that could actually work towards your ultimate goal. If you just step back, let him do his stupid thing, and let the affair burn itself out, it could work out to your advantage in the end. Just a thought.

That is what I meant when I said maybe after OW is back for a little bit. Yes, he will have to avoid her...but it would be better if it was his choice rather than a demand from you.

he's already broke up with her once. and gotten back together. despite the fact that she can drive him batty from thousands of miles away. when she's 2 miles away and he's getting great sex out of it.....

But when she is only 2 miles away she will REALLY drive him batty.

Sex isn't everything. I really think my H's living arrangements accelerated their break up.

I go back and forth. I think they would have broken up if they were living together or near each other this whole time, but then again they spent all last Sept together til she left for the UK and didn't break up. Every time they see each other it just rekindles things. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Well, maybe absense makes the heart grow fonder. This time she will be there.....and he won't get a break from her. I just really don't think it will last long.

Only you will know when you are ready, but try not to give empty threats, that will only fuel his behavior and cake eating. And don't do something simply to get a reaction out of him. I don't think you would do that, but I thought I would say it anyway.