If you and your H trust each other to not mind the occasional email from OW/OM, and know that it doesn't mean anything, then that tells me that you've both moved beyond any EA/PA.
But we DON'T know if Sara's H minds them or not. She has admitted that her H knows nothing about them.
Because of this, I hate to say, "secrecy", it makes me wonder just how detached Sara is from OM and the fantasy she held on to for 25 years.
It appears OM continues to occasionally give her an ego boost, and I wonder what that does to her emotionally, and how it might possibly affect the R she has with her H.
Last edited by GoingForward; 05/21/0812:46 AM.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Yes, he was that unrequited love that you read about in books. My Rhett Butler, or other unattainable man. But pursuing him emotionally was disaster. I consider myself lucky to have finally caught it and fixed the marriage. At least I didn't waste my whole life pining after some man I couldn't have.
Whatever, GF. As I keep saying, it's my life. I'll make my own decisions.
LOL! Ouch!
I understand totally that it is your life, Sara, and you are free to do as you please. I was not at all trying to make your decisions for you. Just trying to understand how you can advocate complete transparency, like you did with Didi and others I'm sure, yet you feel it's perfectly fine to keep the occasional contact you have with your OM from your H.
But, to each his/her own.
I will leave you alone.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Didn't mean to hurt you, GF. My H and I are no longer in crisis. When i broke my foot, I walked on crutches. But now that the foot is healed, I walk, hop, skip, jump, etc. without crutches. You act different when you are in crisis and trying to solve a problem than when there is no problem.
The "ouch!" was a joke . If you're somewhat familiar with my sitch, and I believe you are, then you ought to know that it takes a lot more than that to really hurt me. My H seems to be a pro at it.
We can agree to disagree. If there really is no need for your H to know about certain things, I understand that is your choice, and I respect that.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Found this joke. Probably you all have heard it before.
I'm A Barbie Girl, In A Barbie World ...
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.
He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, "How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?"
The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, Sir?
We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95."
The amazed father asks: 'It's how much?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers:
'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, and one of Ken's Friends...
Each individual, even in a marriage, has their boundries. As long as we don't overstep theirs and they don't overstep ours, it's all good, imho.
Just a ps to my last post... not once, when in crisis mode with my H, did I contact any of the psuedo-EA/ex/plan b guys. Not once. And our crisis was know to EVERYONE in our lives. Not to them though. Even though we did the chit-chat how's it going emails (though not often because I didn't connect with anyone on email status much at that time), I never divulged what was wrong or why I "disappeared" a lot during that time to those plan B guys. When it came down to it... somewhere in there I knew what mattered and I knew that it would be dangerous to divulge my problems to someone who would be happy to save me. I'm proud of that. For the first time ever I saved myself. Just sayin'......... I deserved my h's trust. When it came down to it, I didn't go there. I think that there is a certain amount of privacy to be considered in all this transparancy talk. Crossing a loved ones boundries is one thing, crossing our own is another.
