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That would be why I called it a self-complication.

It's all his choice.

Oh well, if he feels like she has him trapped in this R for the moment, I think it works in my favor.

I tried talking to him about the taxes today on IM. Haven't talked to him since Thursday. He didn't respond.

Michelle,

where did you get this convo? Did his friend tell you? Was it on his IM and you snooped? I didn't understand.

It may sound strange, but I am very happy she is pursuing. And you are not. Makes the difference more evident.

K

BTW, he is stupid...

He was on IM with a mutual friend. She copied me bits of the conversation they were having.

I am also happy OW is pursuing. As I have said before, at times I am mad she is so far away because she would have driven him to break up with her long ago if they lived close together. He is just keeping her around I think because he likes the ego boost and because he has not made any real decisions about what he will do yet.

Lol. Some days I wonder how he's lived this long!

I'm quite shocked at that and your muted reaction to it. I'd be way more upset, so well done for not reacting! You are right, she is hanging herself with her actions (shes being a hassly pain in the *rse even from overseas!!! Imagine what she will be like back near him, a nightmare. She sounds insecure). So its great news to have it confirmed that hes not that into her. Its probably just a distraction, an ego boost, like you say. Shes on borrowed time already !

I'm sorry though that he continues to vacilate. I guess you should lay low for a while and not contact him/IM him at all. Dont persue him, make him miss you? (as you would say to me !)

Ali xxx

Well, like I said. It's not a surprise. I've suspected as much for a couple weeks. I'm definitely disappointed. I thought we were past all the BS and lies, but *shrugs* I can't make him talk to me.

I IMd him today about taxes - no response - which annoys me because financial stuff is kinda important.

I think I will give him the rest of the week to stew. Maybe IM him Friday night when I get home from the concert.

I'd be real tempted to wait another week. I don't know. I can't figure him out!

I need to know about the damn taxes though! It's not like I can just wait forever....

Michelle, your situation stinks, and I feel for you.
But let me offer an alternative view on this IM conversation.
I have been accused of controlling behavior, monitoring my wife's communications, "mind control" (I don't know what that means but it's been alleged), not respecting her boundaries, interfering with my spouse's relationships with other people, and so on. It's all very humbling. I don't think I am controlling, but my wife does.

Would allowing your friend to be duplicitous with your husband, fall into the category of "controlling behavior" ? I don't know, but I know if my wife found out I was doing this (and i wasn't), I would have been pilloried.

something to think about.

Something I have thought about. Every time she sends me some bit of conversation.

I could get defensive and say that I'm not snooping, that I don't ask her to do this, that he chooses to talk to her, that she's his friend. But *shrugs* he'd probably still be annoyed, at least for a while.

Mostly, he is past the point of lashing out at me, trying to blame me for things. This is a definite improvement over 8 months and a year ago.

Regardless, the only way to stop it is to tell her please don't send me anything because I don't ask, she just drops stuff on me periodically when something "important" comes up. I am not quite sure how to handle it, especially as confirming my gut feelings makes me feel like I'm not going crazy.

Michelle,

I am so sorry to hear your H is being such a friggin idiot. Why he would choose complication with demanding barely over age OW on another CONTINENT over you, in all your marvelous glory and acceptingness, can only be explained by his own idiotic self-complications.

(((((M))))))))))))))))))))))))

T