In a way, you have been like me lately, I think. I think I need to follow your example!
Jeff, you wrote that on Amy's thread. There are big differences in the situations.
She and her husband can actually joke and are pleasant with each other.
The place you find yourself in took a long time to build, both you and your wife, there aren't going to be any drastic or sudden positives in your realtionship with your wife, it is going to take time for both of you to learn how to be nice and friendly again with each other.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
In a way, you have been like me lately, I think. I think I need to follow your example!
Jeff, you wrote that on Amy's thread. There are big differences in the situations.
She and her husband can actually joke and are pleasant with each other.
The place you find yourself in took a long time to build, both you and your wife, there aren't going to be any drastic or sudden positives in your realtionship with your wife, it is going to take time for both of you to learn how to be nice and friendly again with each other.
Quite right Jack. I was referring more to becoming more active, thought the actions will be enormously different.
We will have more foodgasms! Though I may have to get more creative with them. I see the nutritionist this afternoon.
I don't know if the scorpion attack will ever be an inside joke. Perhaps in time. I don't know. Not much is funny to her right now, at least where I'm involved. Last night I asked how her quilting had gone, and got the usual one work grunt answer. Sunday, when her parents were around, she talked a lot more about it. I dunno.
The place you find yourself in took a long time to build, both you and your wife, there aren't going to be any drastic or sudden positives in your realtionship with your wife, it is going to take time for both of you to learn how to be nice and friendly again with each other.
Jack's right, and like you pointed out, Jeff, my R with my H is very much like the R you have with your W.
After years of being thoughtless and rude to one another, it can be very difficult to 'play nice' at times, BUT it IS doable. You just have to control your reactions, the same way that I have to. I saw some positive actions coming from my H the other day because of this. HOWEVER, we are FAR from where I'd like us to be. It's going to take time. A LOT of time. Oh, and a ton of that patience thing, too. My H reacted nicely to my nice behavior, but the next day (which was yesterday), he was once again mad at the world and everyone in it. It's hard to ignore and not take personally, but we have to do it.
(((Jeff)))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
((((((GF)))))) You are so right. It's really hard when the nice just gets a one word answer.
((((((Kalni)))))) Yes, the scorpion incident is over. I asked W how her foot was last night. She said, "You already asked! It's fine. It's not like it is going to get worse!" And it wasn't in a pleasant tone of voice, more sounded annoyed that I was wasting her time.
I'll keep your offer in mind. There may be a time!
(((((Michelle))))) On a T shirt! I need to lose a little more weight first, maybe by the end of summer!
It's frustrating. I think I am "me" here, I'm not trying to fake anything. I'm not the neatest person, and I can be a little too laid back at times. But I just can't see that I am the awful H that W seems to think I am. Far from perfect, but still!
((((((GF)))))) You are so right. It's really hard when the nice just gets a one word answer.
Yep, but you're gonna have to do 100% of the work for a while before you'll start seeing more obvious signs of nice from her. It's just the nature of the beast I think.
Originally Posted By: dry_heat
It's frustrating. I think I am "me" here, I'm not trying to fake anything. I'm not the neatest person, and I can be a little too laid back at times. But I just can't see that I am the awful H that W seems to think I am. Far from perfect, but still!
I don't think you are a different person on here, but I think you are different. I think you are funnier on here because you feel like you can't be at home. I think you make up for the lack of flirting on here as well. It's a middle ground between not having it at all and being able to have it at home. (I really hope that made sense lol.)
Just keep working on the little things. E.g. responding to her impatience with "okay. Just wanted to make sure you didn't have a delayed reaction," smile, and walk away.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
My H reacted nicely to my nice behavior, but the next day (which was yesterday), he was once again mad at the world and everyone in it. It's hard to ignore and not take personally, but we have to do it.