Kimmie-so glad to see you!!! I don't think I have seen you in a while! Well, my H will be at 6 months about June 3rd I think so we'll find out soon with him. But actually I've read here several times that most affairs last about 6 months to 2 years so I guess my H's affair could last anywhere from 2 weeks to another 18 months if that's true. Karen
My H's was 4yrs ,a year after the D he married her -lets see he should be getting the 7yr itch soon. I have no idea where the 6mth figure came from but stats can just be made up and I have never seen any thruth in it from these boards.Sorry.
I have no idea where the 6mth figure came from but stats can just be made up and I have never seen any thruth in it from these boards.Sorry.
I just googled that and found some interesting research, but of course don't know if it's accurate or not:
Affairs affect one of every 2.7 couples, according to counselor Janis Abrahms Spring, author of After the Affair,as reported by the Washington Post on March 30, 1999. Ten percent of extramarital affairs last one day, 10 percent last more than one day but less than a month, 50 percent last more than a month but less than a year, but 40 percent last two or more years. Few extramarital affairs last more than four years. at: http://menstuff.org/issues/byissue/infidelity.html
It sounds like from reading that my H will most likely end his affair within the next 6 months or if he doesn't, then it will prob. last 2 or more years!!! Karen
"Ten percent of extramarital affairs last one day, " who completes these questionaires? is that an affair or a quickie. Sorry still skeptical about the stats. Just hope for the best and GAL. Take the stats and timelines with a pinch of salt. I mean 10% of how many ? It's your attitude thats important will you wait 6mths, 2 years, 4years or will you be too busy getting on with your life to keep checking the dates. Good luck.
Who knows? If you average ONS's into the stats, they become totally meaningless! Before you can make any statements, you'd need to define "affair". Then you'd have to get people to be honest. Ok, these are people that have had, or are having affairs! So, well, uh, ok, like that's going to happen!
So, no one knows, as far as I can tell. There might be some guesses, some might even be good guesses, but each one is unique, and trying to generalize is probably a waste of perfectly good brain cells!
The six month thing is for the average affair, averages are not the norm, they are a mathematical representation of what could be normal.
The norm is that affair duration varies dramatically. The variables are the intensity of the affair, the length of the marriage, the problems in the marriage, the amount of chliden you have together, how well the WWS bonded with them, etc.
The idea that you can box all affairs into a six month block isn't realistic.
Many probably don't last long. I think the six month thing is more about the survival rate rather than the precise time it ends.
My wife has been having an affair for almost two years, and others on forums I have been on for having an affair for six or even seven years. It happens.
The thing to focus on is your divorce busting strategy. THAT is the variable you have control over. And I would argue its a powerful one at your disposal.
People who db well can fight the affair and keep it from growing or they can NOT db well and the affair will thrive. How the spouse handles the affair has a large impact on the affair's survival.
Rather than waiting for the six month block, ask yourself what else you might be able to do that might help influence a reconcilliation for you and your spouse, which will end the affair eventually. The dbing is to promote reconcilliation...reconciliation ends affairs.
That being said, there are tactics and things that can be done to attack the affair outright, Michele Davis doesn't touch on those much, and I would be cautious about using them. THOSE can backfire.
Never mind the six month time frame, its a ballpark estimate at best and is NOT lilkey to match your situation. Only one or two relationships meet the average, the rest fall above or below the line...the likely hood of you being ON the line is slim as the line itself.
DB your heart out, its your gift to yourself, a better and happier life. If your spouse decides to join you, its a beautiful thing, and oftentimes they do.
One of the best resources for Infidelity is "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Paige. She studied infidelity for twenty years. And the questionairres Paige used were done anonymously and handed out at the airport, to get the largest demographic sample.
Most don't fill out the questionairre, but many do...read NJF and she discusses her findings in detail.
If you watch the Video's Michele Davis has on her site here she warns about the dangers of using statistics...heed them.
You can use this information to help you, or to discourage you, its your choice how you react to the data.
Affairs that are one day long are "one-night_stands". Its still an affair, just not a LONG TERM ONE. The one day long affairs likley don't have much emotional involvement at all and are just physical release.
The problem with just reading these stats as a blanket is that they don't remind you that you are IN the affair in a way and can INFLUENCE the affair's survival and termination. Focus on the fact that you can affect these numbers, you aren't a powerless victim of them.
You CAN change that...just like the average lifespan, chance of heart attack, etc, how you life your life changes where you fall on the line. Work with how much influence you have and don't become one of these statitics.
Also, this board is not a good demographic sample of the "average affair".
I imagine that most people resort to this board and this thread when the affair does NOT show signs of ending. That's when people pursue help/support and look to these forums.
This forum is not a good sample of the average affair, short term affairs don't get posted on the www most likley because they don't last. You are just experiencing the lasting ones...the nasty ones that live long and are hard to fight off.
Some affairs are like bad colds, others are comparative to marriage cancer.
Most of this forum you will find the serious ones, the mild ones don't need support forums as much as the long term affairs do. Think about the sample you are referencing here..its not a RANDOM sample.
SRS is a basic term in statics for statistically random sample. Referring to only an internet forum, and only this forum even is not a random sample.
Focus on how you work with the information, you aren't just a powerless victim of it. Spouses have a tremendous amount of influence on their partner's affairs. Michele has proven this.
Well, my H will be at 6 months about June 3rd I think so we'll find out soon with him. But actually I've read here several times that most affairs last about 6 months to 2 years so I guess my H's affair could last anywhere from 2 weeks to another 18 months if that's true. 
Karen
Karen