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CBK, hope you're feeling OK after all those margaritas last night. SMDN is right about the cycles, it's like that for me.

Anyway, just wanted to check in. Have a good weekend and enjoy the heat. I know, I know, it's weird that I like the heat...

Thanks all - margarita's helped until about 1 am - then had to pop an ambien - slept util about 7 AM which was needed. Got up and went to the gym and worked out and took a steam - back at home.

I know, deep down, it is good that she moved to her mom's house. I could not for the life of me detach, as much as I tried, all my waking hours were thinking of her or OM - well, I may have just pushed her further into OM, who knows. Coming back from the gym, I was dying to drive by to make sure she was okay and say we need to set up some boundaries if we are just going to get along, but I remembered what you all said - give her the space, don't contact, let her figure out what needs figuring out.

Although I still feel somewhat at peace, there is a lot of sadness right now - cycling through the mourning process again. I will keep really busy around the house today until we go to the rodeo, then we are supposed to go to a friends house for our monthly "couples" dinner. I have decided to go regardless if WAW goes, they all have been very good to both of us. If WAW goes, then we can be cordial I am sure.

I have no idea what I should do next except take care of me and my kids and give WAW her space. She will do what she does and hopefully will want to talk about boudaries.

Still not sure what to do about MC on Thursday - any thoughts?

CBK

Hi, CBK.

I'm sorry about your recent turn, but -- like all the others -- I do think this will help you. Perhaps God knew how much you could handle (or COULDN'T handle), and has given you this time and space to help you with the detachment with which you struggle so.

I wouldn't waste your time on the MC. Does your insurance cover it, or are you having to pay cash? MCing rarely works when one of the marital partners is in an active affair. MC can come later, if and when your wife decides she WANTS to work at the marriage, but just isn't sure if she CAN.

Manly Hugs,

Puppy

Thanks Puppy - it is amazing what I coulnd't handle - never in my life have I felt so vulernable and weak, never. I do think this was a gift - as my friend said, she left me a long time ago menatlly, she needs to figure out who she is and work on herself. I am there if she needs me, but I am not seeking her out.

That is what I am thinking about MC - our insurance pays this one, but not the others - groan. Will have to see if we talk at all before then or not.

Thanks for checking in.

CBK

CBK,

There are certainly better things you could be spending your family's finances on right now.

Puppy

True - I actually like my IC - my wife likes hers because he says it's okay not to work on the M and go off by herself. The MC is picked up by insurance. My guess is go this week, take the slings and arrows, validate and then leave and don't go back until she wants to work on the R - if she doesn't, then not sure why she is stringing this out... maybe a sign.

CBK

Just needing to journal a bit.

It is strange that as I sit in my home and I am the one feeling guilty for what has happened! Maybe the guilt from not listening to the posters is setting in, thinking if I would have done something differenct, I would be in a different place right now. I think it was inevitable one of us moving out, she was planning on doing this at the end of summer and we were both just living in h3ll at home. I replay our convo yesterday in my head, I lost my temper once I think, she was irrate the entire time at me. I just kind of chuckle when she was saying I was invading her space - I wanted to say who's space where you invading the last year or so? But I didn't.

Just thinking is all, no real answers, no real questions... just going through the emotional roller coaster. Do I miss her, yea, do I love her, year - am I all broken up and crying - nope, not at all.

CBK

OMG, CBK.....you are still doing it! You are still clinging to her even though she is out of the house....you can't detach from the thoughts of her. You are going back over everything in your head, all over again....for what? What good does that do? So...you didn't take our advice and you butted with your own head, well, so much for that...right? Will you listen to us now when we tell you to stop this blame game and guilt trips and feeling sorry for yourself? Will you pick yourself up out of the dirt and brush yourself off and get on with your life or will you continue to do as you've done since the bomb hit?

Sure you felt some peace at first when she moved out.....every couple does when they have been under so much stress. It's called "temporay relief". It is like a balloon that finally bursts after trying to hold too much air. However, knowing you, and from what you have already said, this feeling of "peace" will be short lived according to what you have already posted.



The boundaries and space and all of that was when she was under the same roof as you! Now she isn't, so it's a whole new ballgame.

If you do go by her mother's house to talk R....so help me I am going to reach through this darn computer and strangle you! Can't you get it through your thick skull that she left b/c you could not detach? Now that she is at her Mother's (not the OM's, btw) you are still wanting to go by and talk it out???

Oh yeah, you repeat the words we've all said to you, but you won't do it, CBK! You need to move off to an island where no contact is possible until you get you head on straight! Then you probably would drown trying to swim back to her to have one last R talk!

Yes, I'm angry at you b/c you need to man-up! Why would she want to go back to you? You are just making her OM look that much better every day. He's even beginning to look better to me and I haven't a clue about him only that right now he is more attractive than you are. So, what are you going to do about it? Keep feeling sorry for yourself, keep trying to spy on her (no matter what you may call it....driving by, my a$$), and keep pushing until you loose the respect of your kids too? Is that what you want?

I don't know any more to tell you b/c I have tried to tell you what a WAW feels like. She wants her freedom as much as she needs to breathe and do you give it to her? No, you smother her until she has to move out of the house to get air. I told you to back off and give her space. You thought you were, but you weren't. Going two or three days without a R talk is not backing off. That is not self-discipline....it's just saving up spit.

So, you just keep it up friend and the next thing--you will be served with divorce papers. Then what will you do? Start making goals on the calendar as to when you hope to have her back again? Let her go, CBK. Give her freedom. I mean, shut it down now! I am typing this keyboard so hard trying to make you hear me b/c this is your last chance to get her back before she goes off with OM forever. You had better "get it" this time or you can burry yourself in "drinks" every night from now on, but you won't have your wife. You will just turn into a drunk. It is time to stop talking the talk and start walking the walk.....like a man!

CBK, I completely totally 100% agree with Sandi, I just don't know you well enough to say it that strongly. But she's right for heavens sake. Listen to her. Please.

I tried last night but it did not reach the intended receiver...i don't think. Sandi2 is my new hero because that was extremely well said and it takes guts (even if we are behind the cyber curtain) to tell it like it is.
CBK..i also agree with S2.