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CBK. It sucks, doesn't it? I think I knew for months that my H had to move out. He definitely needed his space. The separation has allowed both of us to grow and I think it was, to borrow my husband's term, a necessary evil.

In many ways, it does make it easier. Now make sure to give your W space. For her and for you. Make it be for you!

I hope you sleep well.

Thanks CW - much appreciated. The margarita's will help me sleep tonight - would love to have had one of your concoctions from the other night. It was nice though, sitting on my frong porch, slight breeze and talking with a friend. I need to reconnect with CBK.

Just talked to D21 about going to the Rodeo tomorrow at Rowell Ranch, that will be fun. I used to go to the rodeo when I was kids growing up in the Eastern Sierra's - such a simple life.

Sleep well yourself,

CBK

CBK, I don't know whether this is a good sign or not, but it does get "easier." You become less tuned into the minutiae, more able to handle the rough stuff because you expect it. Once you get DB in your blood I think it makes it easier because you know how to react to a given situation. Doesn't mean you don't screw up, but you screw up less. Once you embrace the 180s and GAL for yourself, you find that this process makes you grow. At least that's been my experience.

I take S14 and friend, and D11 to Dave and Busters, leave WW and D6 at home, watch some basketball, enjoy my Dos Equis and come home to this. WOW. What a series of events.

I said earlier that your sitch sucked to both of you. This is for the better. The way she was acting towards you was just wrong. And you couldn't get ahold of yourself.

The release of tension between you two is why you are at peace.
The barbell has been lifted off of your neck, and you can now breath.

May God watch over you and yours. Will catch up tomorrow.

It was so tense in the house, we both felt it, the kids felt it. She would never talk about the small stuff - daily life, etc. but wanted to be "friends" and treated me like a stranger. I was obsessed with OM, the less she would tell me, even in counseling, the more I needed to find out - my downfall. Although I am awake at 1 AM, I don't have he anxiety I used to have. Even when she slept, I wanted to hear her breathing - so being physically apart for awhile is agood thing. Will we ever be back, only God knows right now. Am I giving up, no, but as CW says, I will be a much better DBer right now. This definetly took the negative feelings out of the house - they are still there between us, but at least I don't have to relive them every day like I was.

I am sure each day will be a growing experience. I will need to figure out what to do next - is it time to go totally dark? I am assuming so. She will stay in contact through the kids. Even though I am not giving up, still not sure what to do about MC, I have never liked going as she was not there to work on us, can't believe she will be on Thursdsay of next week.

CBK

Been following your post, wow, lot going on

this doesn't always work, you give them space and they find something else to use against us, it isn't your fault. Also, regarding our emotions, I have never cried so much in my life as I have done in the last six months, wow, I told my W several times, that she made me this way, I'm upset, mad, not my usual self because of this situation she put me in.

You have every right to feel the way you do, its health, its a pain again, you are here because of W, you are trying, you are doing what you can - FYI letter you wrote, I wrote same letter and probably a lot of other guys in our situation. I probably wrote W a book (poems, cards, letters) before I found DB and this web site and figured out I was pursuing and that wasn't going to work.

Its you me and H4H, we are all in same situation, My W is scheduled to leave on June 1st, I agree with you God only knows what the outcome of all this will be, we can only be the best that we can and work on ourselves, and cheer on the Spurs for H4H
The kids do help, I'm scared what mine are going to think, they are sooooo young.

We all have a long haul ahead of us, good or bad it's the path we choose thats important,

M45
W41
M10 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
PA confirmed 03/08 no sex yet ??? let me hope !!!
W moving out June 1st - 16 days

Jeff,

Well said and there was some comfort in your words for me. I've cried maybe twice in my life until this last year. My W is readying to leave too. I'm hoping like CBK, when she is gone, it will be easier. Maybe then I can really focus on 180s, GAL and DB.

I never knew the emotional side of me. I never knew how I could be reduced to a blubbering fool. Never let that side out. It's been a while, now. Still able to get teary eyed at stupid things, though.

At night, it is hard for me to sleep. Seems like I wake up almost every hour to see how we are positioned, making sure we are touching somehow.

Makes feel like a fool.

Hey CBK,

Have spent the last several days reading your whole thread and I actually agree with the people who say that her moving out is a good thing. I know you've been reading every relationship book out there, but I thought I'd add one to the queue: Getting Back Together by Bettie Youngs and Masa Goetz. I bought this one at the same time that I bought DB, and it kind of reshaped my views of separation to make me realize how helpful it can be in some relationships. Check it out; it may or may not help.

I remember when I first learned about the stages of grieving (before I had any firsthand experience with them). I thought of them as very linear: you have your sadness, anger, denial, etc., the order may differ but eventually you get to acceptance and you're done. It was SO FRUSTRATING to realize that grieving is more like a cycle. I remember getting to acceptance (for the third, or fourth, or fifth time) and instead of thinking "finally!" I thought "$h!t! Next comes sadness!" All I can tell you is that while you will continue to cycle through, the periods of peace get longer with time.

Keep your head up. I truly believe space is a good thing for your relationship right now.

My $0.02,
smdn

Hi CBK (((((HUGS)))))!!!

I agree that your W moving out is a good thing. You were having such a hard time detaching - you will now be forced to detach. There will still be days where you want to contact your W but DON'T!!! Do not keep giving her reasons to keep blaming you. Allow her to come to terms with her own unhappiness.
Focus on yourself and your kids - although they are adults this is still devastating for them. They need you now more than ever.