I have to remember to not have any expectations. Slow but sure. Will pull back a little more. Just enough, hopefully. It is so hard. Not trying to contact today. Will wait for her to call me later.
I do want to meet my friends tonight for dinner, but, of course, "B" will be there. My excuse is that my Spurs are playing tonight. I told "B" that I might just go and show my face. A few more people have said that they would show. All old friends, mostly women.
I hear the positive feed back, but keep thinking in the back of my mind that people really think, "Poor dumba**. He is being so used." I know that my friends and family think this. They tell me that I am so strong and how much they admire me. At times, I really do feel foolish.
My attitude feels in contact. But it is just some thoughts.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
As far as “B” is concerned, I’ll address her later. Yes, men are dumb creatures. Like I tell people, I may be dumb, but I ain’t stupid. Sometimes the lack of intimacy gets to me. Sure. Knowing someone MAY be interested in me feeds my ego. She knows my sitch. As I have alluded to on my threads, I, at times feel like my M is hopeless
“B” called me again on the way home, which I ignored. She has called me twice today, already. Again,I ignored. VM just giving specifics about the get together tonight. I will call her back.
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did call “B” back, finally and told her that I may not make it tonight. I am thinking of being honest with her. Tell her that I feel like I have a little crush on her and I don’t to want to make myself look or feel stupid in that we are just friends. I am working on my M and don’t want to mess myself up. It’s just me and that is why I haven't responded to her.
Sweetie, do you know how worried this makes me? Don't you realize that this is the state I was in when I met my OM? I also needed my ego stroked. I needed to feel admired and loved and appreciated. My M was in trouble. I felt little hope.
I shouldn't have said men are stupid about women.....I should have said that women just know when to pounce on a man when he's in trouble. Women are cunning creatures when they decide to go after a man! She knows exactly what she is doing!! She knows you are unhappy in your M. This woman is after you and she is making it seem oh so innocent! If you tell her that you have a little crush on her....she is going to come after you like bee to honey. Please, for God's sake, don't tell her that. You have enough to deal with, now.
Okay, back to the emailing, etc. You know your wife best and if you think it is looking positive....then you be the judge here, but I'm just saying to be careful or you will be doing too much pursuing before you realize it and right now, you are suppose to be working on detaching.....remember?
Glad you told me about the D6. I really felt bad about how I mishandled my D's situation b/c of my own ignorance. When they have that problem...and they are that age, they certainly don't like it any more than the parents do. It is disturbing to them and I hope that something can be done. Just reassure her that she will grow out of it and a lot of kids have the same problem.
Hey.....way to go with the ironing. I loved it! (lol) Bet your wife was surprised to find her clothes still lying there not ironed! That's funny. Same thing about fixing the lunches. See, she will learn to start to appreciate what you do for her after she gets through all this mess.
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That’s my detaching. May not sound like much, but it is big steps for me.
I think it is a great step! Keep it up!
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I wish I could have caught you. You should NOT be going to that get together with all of the ladies, including "B". BAD IDEA!!!! Listen to Sandi and I....we KNOW.....As much as you think you have it all under control....I thought that, too....Ooooooooo you make me all worried about you....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
h4h, I know what you feel when you talk about B, but like everybody says, be careful. You and W still live under the same roof. W is making a mistake, and usually you don't fix a mistake with another mistake...., anyway, maybe you can show W that there is somebody there ready to get you, but you have to play it well, it shouldn't be a threat, just so W starts thinking she is not the one with the handle of the sword.
When I asked my pediatrician about how D can affect the kids he told me that often kids around age 5-10 start to wet beds. Some say it may just be the stress, other say is a form of regression to a happier age, when the parents where together. The solution is not to make a big deal out of it, tell her it is ok, it happens, it happened to you too at her age.
I called the B-day girl and left her a VM. Sorry I couldn’t make the shindig, but Happy B-day and that I would make it up to her.
After work, I ran an errand. Afterwards, I sat in my car for a bit thinking of picking up some take home pizza, but also waiting to see if WW would call me after work like she has been doing.
I’m crazy. I know this.
Wifer called at about her normal time and asked if I had forgotten anything when I went to the store, because she was going to go back and get some puppy food. I mention a few things and ask if I should get pizza. She said no, we have food at home. I ask her to get me some beer and she says ok. She’s says she wants to get out of the office.
At home, she gets home at the time that I had in my mind that she should get home. I mean on the dot. I start to cook and everyone gets a plate and scatters. I go to my room to watch the game and wife stays in kitchen. Not much talking. Much more quiet than in the past few days. Doing my own thing. She’s doing hers.
After a great win(GO SPURS), I find WW asleep on couch. I wake her up and we go to bed. I ask how her day ways and tell her she sounded like her day was rough. She says not really.
Before we wake up, I get a text from a coworker about him opening the branch. This guy always sends me texts. He is one of those people that just loves to text. Every time I get a text, I can see the look on the wife face. Probably the same face I have when I hear her getting a text. My first thought is OM is texting her. He never does, though. At least not while she is home. She probably thinks some girl is texting me. I end telling WW that my co-worker is like a girl, he sends so many texts. WW is kind of quiet.
Morning routine. Did not ask to make lunch. I am upbeat and cool. Kids leave. In bathroom, WW is straightening hair, and I’m shaving. WW asks me if she missed any spots. I am playing with her hair and point out a few spots. Here. Over here. Now here. I am thinking of giving a compliment on her hair color, but decide against.
Later, I am in kitchen and WW is ironing her clothes. She asks me if she has any holes in the back of her legs. I was confused by the question and walk to her and ask her to repeat the question. She asks if she is bleeding because of the puppies attacking her. I am examining her legs. Touching. Rubbing the scratches.
Backslide time.
Nearly time to leave, I am putting away things in the kitchen. I couldn’t help myself to ask WW is she wanted anything for lunch. As soon as I said it, I thought, “Your so stupid!”. WW says that she is starting a diet at work. Some of the girls are going to see who can lose the most weight. I tell her that I can make her a healthy lunch if she wants. WHAT THE F AM I SAYING?! She thinks a bit and says ok. I make her lunch. A damn good one, too. She makes our coffee’s to go. We are talking about work. Mutual clients that we have.
We leave together. Have a great day. I tell her that I might call her later to get some more info on a particular mutual client.
I am in a great mood.
Thoughts.
Recently, I find myself flirting a lot more. I have another coworker that is not at my location. I talk to her quite a bit. She is at my office a couple times a week. Beautiful. Young Single mom. I have met her 8 year old daughter. Beautiful, too. A really cool person to just be around. The kind of woman that I would give myself a ZERO chance of anything happening. Although, I thought I had ZERO chance with WW when we started to date. I think about this girl a lot. Had lunch with her a couple of days ago. She called me to chit chat a bit, yesterday. She knows my sitch, and asks me how things are going. I am very attracted to her.
For the people who have been WAS’s. It is a totally different sitch. Ya’ll may have felt the need to be stroked or feel loved and appreciated. The difference is that that is what was FELT. Us LBS’s have LITTERALLY been rejected. Pushed away. Intimacy purposely withheld. IT FEELS TERRIBLE.
I find myself looking more. I feel like I want to be the WAS. I am feeling two things at the same time. Conflicted.
I am not a young chicken. I am getting older. If things don’t go the way I plan in my M, I am gonna be a man with a lot of baggage. I almost see opportunities NOW. Possibilities, at least. I am not a terribly handsome man. I have self esteem issues like the next person. Am I alone on this? Are these thoughts normal? I feel myself looking. Maybe I’m thinking too much. Am I just saying things that LBS's feel?
Does this mean I have detached? I keep hearing that I'm not detached enough, but would I be having these thoughts?
I need encouragement. And, I’m still in a great mood amongst all of it all.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I can totally relate. Your post reminded me of this song, a favorite of mine:
The Hunger Steve Holy
She hates bein' on her own, but she does her best Empty nights create the hunger for love and tenderness She spends so much time alone She says it makes her wonder If she'll ever find someone who'll make her feel alive And satisfy the hunger
He always reads a lot at night, but he's gettin' tired of it An empty house deepens desire for true companionship When he sees himself in the mirror, he don't look no younger He just keeps on fightin' the fear that'll he'll go through life And not satisfy the hunger
Oh the hunger, the need for lovin' arms Oh the hunger, longing for contentment of the heart
She picks up a second job at an all night diner Anything that she can do to fill the empty hours Then by chance her destiny he's there across the counter Their lives are changed by what they see in each other's eyes They recognize the hunger
Oh the hunger, the need for lovin' arms Oh the hunger, longing for contentment of the heart
My thought is that your needs are not being met in the marriage, and have not been for a while now, so you are unconsciously seeking it. Your W's needs were not met either and more likely than not the OM was like these women you are talking about. You are feeling what your W had felt. My thoughts anyway....been a bad day, though, so who knows.
