Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Maybe Last Thread in Separating, Found DB 2 Late

Your H is far from done CW.

My brother said it's rain, drizzle and fog up there and 3 degrees Celsius!!! Here is Venezuela it's always friggin hot!

Jen

I love the heat. It's supposed to be 100 here today and I think I'm one of the few who isn't bothered by it.

I agree that my H isn't done, but that's because I believe, in my heart of hearts, that he just can't face the reality he created.

Got a number of hugs this morning when he dropped of the kids. Before he left he said, "I love you all." But so what? What does that mean? Where does that put us? Him?

I just can't see him coming back to our marriage. It's been 10 months since he dropped the bomb and he still can't face us and our problems. The other day he said he didn't even know what he was saying back in July. I know what he was saying. That he wasn't in love with me and wanted a divorce. Ten months of hell. How much longer?

I'm back to my July deadline. It's Retro or bust. Or MC with the counselor of my choice (there's ONE SBT in this area). Though I'm never going to file, if only never to give him the satisfaction of not having to make the decision himself.

(((((cw)))))
I am wondering, and I don't hink we've ever explored it, do you think the age difference between you and H could be relevant? It sort of seems like you are "grown up" enough to understand the responsibilities and obligations (as well as the joys) of raising a family. It seems from here that maybe he isn't so much. Does that make any sense?

Does he know the deadline (I'm sure you've said, but I can't remember!)? Has he said anything to indicate it means anything to him?

I don't really like the heat, but I like that it makes golf on a summer afternnon really cheap! Too bad I am horrid! Maybe if I actually played some I'd get better!

I'm sure the age difference is making a difference in our relationship. Honestly, I thought that if was going to make a difference, it would have when we were "new," but it didn't. I do know that H is attracted to older women. The woman with whom he had an EA was older than him, though not as old as me. One time when I mentioned me being freaked out that he's young enough to divorce me, get a new wife and start a new family, as where I am too old and not able to have anymore kids, he said, "But you know I like older women." Maybe he likes our poise, our maturity, but doesn't want it himself?

At the end of the day, I think too bad. You chose this, you married me, had kids with me, lived the grown-up life. I'm not all that sympathetic I guess. That's probably a problem, in fact.

Well, it is hard to be sympathetic, when he chose the life, and now doesn't seem to want it, at your, and the kids' expense!

I think you could be right on, maybe he sort of wants a mother? OK, I have gone way past my psychiatric training yet again!

And I'd prefer if you didn't call yourself old!

Should I say "aged?"

His whole relationship with his Mom is so weird and twisted that I'm sure it's part of it.

I don't know about aged, either. Perhaps we are just less young?

I think a weird and twisted relationship with Mom may be a bad thing for a marriage. Expectaions are all twisted up.

Whoa, he just got a year older!

Yep, his b-day was Cinco de Mayo, had to update it.

And, yes, their relationship was/is a bad thing for us. It has been since the beginning and it has, historically, been the only thing we actually fight over.

It just becomes more and more obvious, not surprisingly, that the problem is not you!

((((((((((cw))))))))))