Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy For the guy with kids and WW II

I have heard, "Your boring! Your too serious. Your a grouch, just like your dad. You never listen to me. You never go out. Make more friends. Go out with your friends. You never take the kids and give me a day off. You mean you used to be silly? I have never seen that side of you" and so on and so on.

wdid, I know several of these sound familiar to you. It gives me hope that those characteristics you now realize in your H are the one that are attractive. I will be both to her, again. Serious in the serious things, but not afraid to laugh at herself. That is my WW. She can make anyone laugh. Doesn't mind making fun of herself. My funny is dry humor and hers is silly humor. Just working on finding both in me.

CBK, these were the emails that transpired between us on Monday and Tuesday. I initiated the first one and she replied. Then on Tuesday, she replied to me again. She initiated the one on Tuesday. It was on Monday that I had told her how she had said "turkey" in her sleep. Then, that morning I asked if she wanted lunch. She said, "t u r k e y" and we laughed and I made her a turkey sandwich for lunch.


On Monday, I sent:

Hope your having a good morning. At least better than some of your
mornings last week

If you can, get the old insurance card from the Isuzu and get me the VIN
so that I can add it to our insurance.

And enjoy your "turkey" today.

Maybe this week, you'll dream "r o a s t b e e f".



Later in the day, she responded:


Hahahahaha,

Rough morning, but all is good. When I get a chance to go to my car, I
will get that info



Yesterday, she initiated this email:

Good Afternoon,

You are probably saying wow, she's actually replying back. Yeap, Had a
few minutes and I am thinking of Roast Beef today, I am going to cook it
when I get home today so we can eat it tomorrow.

Do you still need the VIN number? Here it is anyways ****************
1998 ISUZU RODEO S/LS

HOPE YOU ARE HAVING A GREAT DAY, ITS BEEN KIND OF BUSY TODAY.

SEE YOU LATER



I replied:


No, it's WOW!

I should have an insurance card for you tomorrow.

SEE YOU LATER, TOO! (it looks like you were yelling at me )




She sent back:



NO, forgot to take my caplocks off


I sent the final reply:



I was kidding, silly.




These emails were the first that we had sent to each other in months. I thought it was a nice exchange. I wasn't trying to be overly silly, just a little. She responded the way I wanted her to. A few months ago, when I was in HOT pursuit, she would never respond to my emails. NEVER. Used to bug the cr*p out of me. I didn't understand that I was doing the wrong thing. Forwarding cute emails, religious emails, emails from pastor. All with me giving some comment on them. Nearly everday. Texting everyday, too. Like, "Hi, Dulce. Just wanted to say hi. love,R". Maybe every once in a while, but I was doing something like this everyday.

Not going to email everyday. Sporadic. Maybe once a week, with something business or family, but something. And also add my spice to it like these last ones I sent to her.

Sounds like a plan to me. I will take her lead from there.

What does everyone think?

Thanks H4H - I have been relying on text messages, but email works as well - she has a blackberry and gets her email on her phone. I like how you threw humor in there, it will be a bit before I do that.

Another similarity, my WAW's mornings are the worse - I have found that is the worst time to really talk to her.

Need to get through the next couple of days - I just posted a thought on my thread about detachment - would love to get your input,

CBK

WW's rough mornings are at work. She hates to be bombarded with stuff as soon as she walks through the door, whether its at work or at home. Give her chance to settle in and then come at her with needed stuff. Her bosses do this to her and she hates it. And where she works, she is constantly busy with clients. Hardly a chance to breath or catch up on prior client work.

As you can tell by my posts, sometimes I can't fit everthing into a text. Besides, she turns off her ringer at work and seems to get an email at work a little quicker.

Checking out your thread.

Okay....again, I know I am old fashion, but I just don't get the emailing to your spouse at work! Why not talk to her at home? I don't get it!! Especially, if she feels bombarded by all her load at the office.....why add to it by sending more emails for her to read? I guess I can identify with her b/c it sounds like my job stress. So, I have to ask you if that is an hidden desire or act to pursue her and making the contact, etc. through an excuse of emailing about some darn insurance stuff (business) that should be discussed at home? Plus, you are wanting to start adding more and sending funny things, etc. Be careful! You will start sliding backwards real easy. I know you say this is not often, but please understand how she sees it. If it is adding pressure to her day......you are not going to come out ahead in the process. I understand if some business things can't wait, but don't use it as an excuse to contact her through email. I hope I have not confussed you b/c I think I may have told you in the past that if you do email her....keep it light, etc., which you seem to be doing and that part is good. However, does it add pressure to her and are you finding excuses? Be honest with yourself.

STAY AWAY FROM "B". I know this kind of woman! She will use every excuse to pull you into her web. Of course, it always is for a mutual friend, or some other "innocent" stitch. There will be innocent lunches and other things until you are in a full blown EA....or more. You are asking for trouble, mister, and if your W finds out....you might as well start packing your bags. Are you crazy or is men just this blind to the ways of the female?

Anyway, to change the subject.......I wanted to say something about the D6 and the bed wetting. We went through this with our D and I handled it all the wrong ways. I even slept with her a time or two to see if she even woke up when she peed in the bed....and she didn't. She slept so sound that it didn't even phase her when she soaked herself. I hope that you have taken her to the doctor b/c sometimes it could be the the sign of something else to come.....but hopefully not and usually not. I think there may even be a chance of an inherited thing....don't know that, just have wondered b/c my H did that until he was a big kid. They finally outgrow it, but whatever you do...please don't scold her in your frustration of having to get up in the night and change out the bedding. She can't help it and, as you could tell, she is becoming very sensitive about it. Poor little thing......I hate it for her. She will be too self conscious about sleep over with friends. Can the doctor give her medication for this? Have you tried the special "panties" for bed wetters? I know this doesn't have anything to do with DBing, but it just kind of hit home and my heart goes out for her. Come to think of it....anything with our family has to do with DBing, doesn't it? B/c it affects our R with our spouse.

About the nephew living in the house.....that hit home too. We have been down that road with several different relatives (and some not relatives) living in the house with us. In fact, we probably have had a total of maybe 2 years alone....just the two of us in our 42 years together. It does get old and it does put some pressure on the R. If there are "other" problems that the nephew has.....that really causes more stress. We have been there. I know and I understand.

Just my thoughts for the evening.

Take care,

Sandi

Well, I can't seem to get through, but I wanted to add that I think you are doing good at trying to be more relaxed and not so serious all the time. That hit home with me b/c I was acutally told that when younger, I was so happy-go-lucky and then I seemed so sad and serious all the time. It was b/c of the bad things we were going through with our daughter, but I did not realize that I had personally become like that. So, it is hard to get out of that "state" and work on being more "fun" to be around.

Just wanted to say that you are doing good. Regarding what was said about Om being the opposite of H's etc., that is usually true. If you have a "dry humor"....that is usually the funniest b/c it comes across so naturally. My H is like that. He is not the "silly" acting kind, but he can crack me up with his dry humor. I love it.

I'm sure you probably feel silly just trying to unwind and be "fun" and all that and I think you deserve a gold star for that.

Keep up the good work.

Sandi

Sandi, thank you for checking on me. I think the emailing and texting is just part of the preferred communication for some. I am actually old school like you. I would prefer to talk, but sometimes its easier to email. I have a co-worker that will not take calls on her cell. Only texting. It is her way of controlling the conversation. I see an email as kind of a happy break during the hectic day. In my mind, I don’t consider it pursuing. I consider it staying connected. Our R has gotten better these past couple of weeks, and my email the other day was kind of a test. She responded just the way I had hoped she would. And then some.

However, I realize that if it smells like, looks like, and tastes like, then it probably is what it is.

As far as “B” is concerned, I’ll address her later. Yes, men are dumb creatures. Like I tell people, I may be dumb, but I ain’t stupid. Sometimes the lack of intimacy gets to me. Sure. Knowing someone MAY be interested in me feeds my ego. She knows my sitch. As I have alluded to on my threads, I, at times feel like my M is hopeless.

“B” called me again on the way home, which I ignored. She has called me twice today, already. Again,I ignored. VM just giving specifics about the get together tonight. I will call her back.

D6 has had problems in past with wetting her bed. She goes through periods. WW has a very weak bladder, herself. D6 has had this problem more than our others kids,though. I do not scold. I used to, a couple years ago, but no longer. Just treat it as something that happens to her.


Journaling

Yesterday, I went to grocery store after work and called WW to ask if she can remember anything we need. After some phone tag, we talk about somethings we need, discuss who is picking up who and a little conversation about our bank account. I did buy her our favorite candy bars. I couldn’t help myself and scolded myself after I paid. After store, WW calls back she left a little late and on way to pick up S14. She starts to talk to me about how she got into it with a coworker. Then bosses got involved. Not fighting, but issues she has with procedures at work. She is talking a lot. I am laughing with her and validating what she says. Paraphrasing, She keeps saying, “Exactly!”

Later at home, she brings home dinner and a couple more movies. She rented, “PS, I love you”. I heard it was the ultimate chick movie. Normal dinner time at table. Kids in bed. Watching WW play with puppies. I love this stuff. She shows me where on puppy drew blood on her boob. We do some cleaning up and decide on the movie in our room. I ask her if she wants anything from the kitchen. She tells me what she wants and I go to kitchen. I usually would have made her snack and then mine and take to her. I made mine first and she came in and made hers. In bedroom, we start movie, but do not finish. Save it for another day.
Laying in bed, I ask her how the problem at work started. I probably shouldn’t have, but I did. She talked for half an hour. Again, I just listened and validated. I love listening to her. We talk do long, that we are falling asleep.

Morning, I make myself lunch. I don’t ask today. Just make mine and put stuff away afterwards. As I am ironing my clothes, she brings her clothes and puts on table next to me. I would usually go ahead and iron her stuff, but I don’t.

That’s my detaching. May not sound like much, but it is big steps for me. I like the way our R is going. At least friends, again. I don’t know where my M is, but maybe that will come later. Of course, I don’t know where WW is, either. That’s the hardest part of all. I feel confident that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing.

I did call “B” back, finally and told her that I may not make it tonight. I am thinking of being honest with her. Tell her that I feel like I have a little crush on her and I don’t to want to make myself look or feel stupid in that we are just friends. I am working on my M and don’t want to mess myself up. It’s just me and that is why I havn’t responded to her.

Comments?

H4her..

Yes you need to stay away from "b" its just asking for trouble. I know what you mean about your "ego" being stroked, but you are trying to save your marriage.. that's more important.

You are really doing great.. but I do see here that you are still catering to her a bit.. Just my opinion but I would cut that out totally. Im not saying be mean, but she needs to realize what kind of man she is really missing (a great one!!)

Hey buddy, sounds like you are taking some great steps. I am still going up and down, but at least by myself!

Stay away from B. I wouldn't say you have a crush on her, but do tell her that you are working on your marriage, and that is your first priority. Just be careful - sometimes I wish others would show interest in me right now, the lack of closeness with somebody is haunting me.

Keep up your work H4H, I seem to be about week or two behind you in my changes, hopefully I can catch up and detach more and more. Man from TN is doing really well on detachment, I hope to get to the place where I just feel peace.

Take care,

CBK