Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy For the guy with kids and WW II

Reread Sandi's words over and over. Her advices is good. I do think she is right about me being in "piecing" now. My next posts will be there. I hope you will continue to check on me. I have needed your thoughts, words, and encouragement.

Dear Puppy, H4H, & CBK.......oh you guys! I laughed and almost cried. That was sweet--what you said. I know some of my post are more like BOOKS! But, I do care very much. I want you to know that I am just as hard on some of the women as I am the men. It's just that I see with different eyes.....that's all. It tears me apart to see so many marriages in trouble.

H4H, I couldn't help but laugh a little at your response b/c I have had some other men to do the same thing. It's like you guys come together to comfort one another, which is good, but then I come in and let you have it and you do feel like you've been hit up beside the head. However, that is why I throw in a couple of "sweetie" words so you know I'm not mad at ya.....just want to wake you up and make you see.

H4H, I am glad you got me up to date. I do hope you will get "B" out of the stitch immediately b/c I think you saw for yourself how it can backfire and only make matters much worse.

Puppy.......thanks.

Dear Puppy, H4H, & CBK.......oh you guys! I laughed and almost cried. That was sweet--what you said. I know some of my post are more like BOOKS! But, I do care very much. I want you to know that I am just as hard on some of the women as I am the men. It's just that I see with different eyes.....that's all. It tears me apart to see so many marriages in trouble.

H4H, I couldn't help but laugh a little at your response b/c I have had some other men to do the same thing. It's like you guys come together to comfort one another, which is good, but then I come in and let you have it and you do feel like you've been hit up beside the head. However, that is why I throw in a couple of "sweetie" words so you know I'm not mad at ya.....just want to wake you up and make you see.

H4H, I am glad you got me up to date. I do hope you will get "B" out of the stitch immediately b/c I think you saw for yourself how it can backfire and only make matters much worse.

Puppy.......thanks.

Sandi - you are truly a God send to us - H4H and I could be twins and we talk a lot on this board. We, as many of us, need a good butt whoopin to get us back on the right track. If not for you, this weekend would have been a disaster. Sorry to highjack, just know we all think you are special. Even Puppy!

whatdidido,

Hi....I wish to goodness I had met you when you first came on board. There are several of us women here that was in the same WAW boat, but we have a hard time finding each other. If you go over to piecing, I will look for you, but if you feel more comfortable here in this forum....then stay here a while longer. Piecing is a slower forum as far as getting responses (I think) than this one. Just my opinion. You know where you feel more comfortable.

I do want us to get better acquainted b/c I think all of the WAW or almost WAW need support from each other.

I'll be looking for you,

Sandi

Thanks to everyone who is keeping up with me. Makes me feel good to know people care enough to post. I will def. be making some changes in my approach. I'm just a little down today as I know that OM B-day is tomorrow and I think that WW has the day off.

What do I care, right?

Jeff and CBK, keeping up with you guys.

Jeff, I see what your strategy as far as the letting her abandon.

CBK, detaching and GALing. You and me both. For the life of me, I cannot detach from her. Things seeminly go so well for us. I have to keep thinking that is just an illusion. I went and hit some balls this weekend, too. Still got my short irons and putting, but my longs are gone. Gonna work on them. Been at least 3 years.

Will keep checking on you, wdid. Your doing very well. Proud of you. You help us all so much.


Got my normal end of the work day call from WW. She was finishing up some things and I reminded her that she needed to pick up nephew and friend(who is now living with us for a month now)from work. She get out as soon as she can. We agree that today will be "whatever you want to make for dinner" night. That means hot dogs, sandwiches or left overs. At home, I am laying in our bed with S14 and D11 watching tv. I had put D6 in the shower. WW comes home and sees us all laying down on our stomach's (tv watching position) and comes and lays across S and D and partially on me. Everyone is laughing and the kids are falling off the bed and play wrestling with her.

I am just observing and taking in this good stuff. I love this stuff. Watching her and the kids just fills my heart. I hope she feels the same when she sees us playing. WW tells me to come and see D laughing so hard on the floor. I am beaming. D6 makes it into the room and we are all laughing at her because her shirt is completly stuck to her because she never dries herself right.

We get kids dinner ready and they scatter to do their own thing. WW changes clothes and is back in kitchen. She asks me if I have seen the bank statement from her new accounts. I know that she thinks I am keeping them. I tell her that if I had seen them, they would be with the rest of the mail. Even D11 notices the question. I remain upbeat, and pretend like she didn't even ask the stupid question.

Filling my cup with ice from freezer with WW on the other side of the fridge door waiting for me to close it. I drop a piece of ice and WW picks it up and asks if I was trying to hit her with it. She then sticks it down my shirt! I yell, take it out and stick it down the front of her shirt. She's yelling and were are laughing and I get some more from my cup and stick some more down her back. She's running to the freezer and I run and I'm shoving ice down the back of her pants and she's stuffing ice down the front of my pants. We are cracking up and laughing and screaming! D6 is screaming and trying to get in on the action. WW and I stuff ice down her shirt.

We go one for about 10 minutes. I attack her one last time in the bathroom, because she had to go change her pants.

That is the good stuff. Later we are making what we want to eat and she prepares our plates. I go into our bedroom and finish watching some basketball and she sits in living room to watch a video. We have already put kids to bed. After the game, I sit with her to finish the movie on the sofa, together.

When finished, we talk about the movie and get to bed. She's asleep and I try to position myself for her to maybe put her arm around me. Didn't happen. Woke up later and our arms are tangled again. I enjoy it and fall back asleep.

With arms tangled, D6 awakens us. She had an accident. We are up. WW gets her into the shower, and I take care of her bedding. Back to bed with D6 between us.

This is my life. How can I detach from this.

I go from beaming with joy, to despair thinking about them. I have to keep the good times in my pocket, enjoy them and remain detached. I did go finish my game. I usually would have blown off what I wanted to do and sat down with her to watch the show.

H4H - I don't know how you can detach with W in the same bed as you. I have a hard enough time in the same house and different bedrooms! All that joking around makes things seem so normal, and that leads us to our backslides - we both want to say "what is wrong with you, do you want to leave all of this?" type of questions... I know, that is exactly what happened to me this morning, we have been getting along so well, two steps forward, one back. We are a rare breed, willing to work and fight for our M when WAW is involved elsewhere... And, like you, am madly in love with her and cannot detach for the life of me! So what are we going to do? I guess we can keep backsliding and then blame ourselves if the M doesn't work out, or get back up on the horse and DB like no others, then if it doesn't work out, we can say we left NO STONE UNTURNED - even with my backslides, that is my motto. I don't want my kids to go through this and they are much older than yours - I cannot even imagine the hurt for your kids.

Keeping tabs on us H4H - that is what we have, bouncing ideas of each other and trying to keep the chin up amidst our setbacks.

CBK

You said a mouthful there, brother.

I am going to keep doing what I have been doing, recently, but with some variations to it. Yesterday, I sent the first email in about two months. It said:

Hi

I hope your morning is going well. At least better that some of your mornings last week.

When you can, get the old insurance card from the Isuzu and get me the VIN so I can add it to our insurance.

Enjoy your "turkey" today.

Maybe this week you'll dream "r o a s t b e e f"

She replied:

hahahahahahah

morning was rough, but got better.
will get card first chance i get to go to car.

Are the things that I'm doing working somehow? I know our relationship is getting better. Isn't this what is supposed to happen. Let the chips fall where they may, afterwards. Knowing that I did the best thing?

Keep posting to me, peeps.

I know I just wrote that I am going to keep doing the same, but with variation. What I mean is that I am going to take Sandi's advise and not be an ass kisser anymore among other things.

I have just seen such a difference in our R, that it is hard to ignore right now. Gonna pull back now that I see a little more from her.

Do I even stop asking if she wants lunch made? I know that sounds like a stupid question.

Again, these past couple of weeks, she is talking more, sharing more and giving more. Are they baby steps in the right direction?

This morning, I was sitting on the sofa passing time, dozing off before I leave for work. My eyes are closed and she walks by and scratches my head and tells me she is leaving. Aside from last night's craziness, first unitiated physical contact from her, besides holding hands for grace at dinner time, for some time.

At least while we are awake.

Is it still pursuing if it is helping the R? Or am I just in a fog like her? Grasping at things that aren't there.

Sandi? Puppy? Keep helping me.

Is WHAT "pursuing", asking her if you can make her some lunch?