Thanks all - slight backslide this AM - we were making small talk and I said I thought the weekend went well - this was really the first time we had the chance to talk about it. As the convo progressed, I said (stupidly) that at times I though we felt so comfortable and I came up behind her to give her a friendly hug - this set her off and she said we are just in two different places and she needs her space. I agreed and said I know I have been hovering around. As we got a little deeper into it, dancing around the edges of an R talk, I finally said that I am fighting for us, I believe in us - smack, 2x4 - she said she needs her space. Finally, we were going into an R talk and I said I don't want to go down this road, she agreed and said that I should just go ahead and leave, which I did without looking back.
She said she hates to tell me not to hug her (I haven't hugged her for weeks) or that I am not leaving her alone enough. She says when she does, I get all depressed. I actually said that I would prefer her be honest with me. We finally agreed upon a peace sign - if either of put up two fingers, that meant time out, go to neutral corners. Sounds childish, but hopefully will work.
Again, a backslide, for some reason, the atmosphere seemed right for me to talk about the weekend and thank her and give her the hug. Learned the lesson. Take all leads from her.
Bummer, but okay,
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
Thanks all - slight backslide this AM - we were making small talk and I said I thought the weekend went well - this was really the first time we had the chance to talk about it. As the convo progressed, I said (stupidly) that at times I though we felt so comfortable and I came up behind her to give her a friendly hug - this set her off and she said we are just in two different places and she needs her space. I agreed and said I know I have been hovering around. As we got a little deeper into it, dancing around the edges of an R talk, I finally said that I am fighting for us, I believe in us - smack, 2x4 - she said she needs her space. Finally, we were going into an R talk and I said I don't want to go down this road, she agreed and said that I should just go ahead and leave, which I did without looking back.
She said she hates to tell me not to hug her (I haven't hugged her for weeks) or that I am not leaving her alone enough. She says when she does, I get all depressed. I actually said that I would prefer her be honest with me. We finally agreed upon a peace sign - if either of put up two fingers, that meant time out, go to neutral corners. Sounds childish, but hopefully will work.
Again, a backslide, for some reason, the atmosphere seemed right for me to talk about the weekend and thank her and give her the hug. Learned the lesson. Take all leads from her.
Bummer, but okay,
CBK
Ahh yes..two steps forward one step back. Now, take what you did, store it in your memory, burn it in your brain and don't repeat it. SHE TOLD YOU SHE NEEDS SPACE. you heard it come from her lips. Give her some space brother.
I too would recommend no R talks and giving a wide berth, but when you DO engage her, not to walk on eggs around her so much. You seem to be supplicating, and I think it's a turn-off for her.
Maybe the other women can comment better than I can.
You are both right on. That is what I did on my drive to work, burned that into my mind, don't let it happen again.
You are right Puppy, this AM I was walking on eggshells a bit, I haven't been for the past few days. My big thing I HAVE to stop doing is the hovering. Hopefully it was a small backslide, I was a little too confident in my ability to talk to her and not bring any R talk into it. Need to work much harder on this. I was bummed when I left, but feel better now. I know what I did wrong, learn from it.
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
Okay, don't know what I should do here... today's is daughters 21 bday - I asked W if she got a card for her, she says she got a funny one and a mom one... I texted her back asking if I should get a dad one? Am I reading too much into this? We have always given her a card from the two of us. I am so confused about stuff like this. She just texted back and said it doesn't matter, the first one can be from both of us... Stuff like this will drive me crazy. I guess I have to treat this like water of a ducks back... groan.
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
Okay, don't know what I should do here... today's is daughters 21 bday - I asked W if she got a card for her, she says she got a funny one and a mom one... I texted her back asking if I should get a dad one? Am I reading too much into this? We have always given her a card from the two of us. I am so confused about stuff like this. She just texted back and said it doesn't matter, the first one can be from both of us... Stuff like this will drive me crazy. I guess I have to treat this like water of a ducks back... groan.
CBK
CBK, In MHO you are reading to much into the little things. My W and I still just get one card and sign it together. We are not D'd yet. You are over thinking this small stuff.
Stuff like this will drive YOU crazy only if YOU let it.
You could have also just got a card from you to your D and not worried about what your W did. Why worry about what your W is doing for your D's B-day..the more cards the better I say.
How special would that be..your D getting a 21st B-day card just from you telling her what a great D she is?? I'll tell ya--she will remember and treasure it forever.
Thanks MFT - I think this is where the board gets in the way of my thinking sometimes. Because of all the divorce talk, I am wondering if she is trying to "win" my daughter over - very stupid. She is just doing something that is very nice and sincere. I know she doesn't want to play that game, like you said, I am overthinking the small stuff.
Thanks for the reality check,
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
Went great until the hug. Again, thinking too much about things and the talking.
As far as the card, get a card for her from you. Then maybe check out the one WW has. Let WW know you got a seperate one jus in case. Make your decision then. At this point, it does seem a little awkward. Just don't flounder if you discuss WW's card. Look at it and decide. No walking on egg shells.
Important thing is that D has a great B-day.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
