Did your H ever remove all his stuff from your house...mine is taking stuff little by little...trying to get me not to notice..H came here today and took several tools...said he needed them for work....but he has nowhere to store them except for OW house...
How long did your H's A last?? My H just seems long gone...like he's really done...shows no emotion towards me at all...today didnt even look at me but yesterday he did...ran out the house and no goodbye, again...he won't say goodbye to me....WHy?
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, my H took all his stuff. Well, I brought his clothes to him and left them all in his truck when he first moved to his parent's house. I couldn't stand to look at them anymore. He has his tools in the basement of his parent's 2flat (where I'm renting from) but that's about it on his stuff. For some reason, he brought back one of his football jerseys and left it here though and won't accept it back from me when I've asked him to take it. It's weird, like that's his connection with us???
Yes, he took most of his things out of the house. I found out later that he didn't take everything because he was afraid to loose the connection with me. You know, excuses to come over because he needed this or that.
My h's A lasted almost 2 years. As for your H acting like he is done. Mine did too. I think most of them act that way. They bury their feelings for us so down deep inside themselves. Mine H didn't say anything to me before he moved out the first time. He would just give me the finger!!!!! He was such an azzzzzzzzz!!!! Don't give up things change with MLC sometimes quickly sometimes alot longer!
oh Jack were talking eggs? or maybe a sledgehammer to crack a nut? Yellowrose, I had a H who didn't take anything too, well a few tools and basic work clothes but nothing else. Books,CD.s personal gifts for his 50th, kids presents to him etc. He even left his dressing gown on bedroom door- 8 years on it would still be there but I took it down when I moved-lol. He didn't take them cos they belonged in his old life and he had a new one-so new clothes etc.
Isn't it strange how they hold on????? It made me not want to move on, even though I knew at that time I wasn't ready to do that anyway. You know that little glimmer of hope that they tell us they don't want to give to us.
Gosh, I don't want to give up but he I don't see that glimmer of hope....his actions say otherwise and he tells me he can't smile at me or anything because I'll think there's hope...I always have hope..I don't think it's MLC but I know we treat it the same...he doesn't spend, take money out....does see the kids but when he wants...hasn't taken them for extended periods though...would interfere with his new life....He does have all new friends because his old ones are ours and they would not approve of his actions even though he "doesn't care" what other people think....He says this is about our relationship and it's no one else's business...of course it isn't because if they knew the whole truth he would really be embarrassed....at least that is what I think....he does still sometimes refer to things such as, "our old neighbors", our floors, etc...and I keep saying "our bed, our bedroom", "Us..We.."..I know he wants me to let go but I don't want to...
and he's really not mean to me just self centered....sometimes cruel in that he doesn't act like I exist sometimes....
what's up with not saying goodbye when he leaves?? Can't he? He'll just say, ok, I'm going.....or something along those lines..He's afraid of me....freaks me out...the uncomfortable thing he's talking about I understand because I feel it too sometimes but for different reasons...I want to touch him....I think he's afraid I will ....but I won't cause I can't handle the rejection....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Not sure I see it as holding on in my case anyway. He never held on to his children, no contact, clothes can be replaced maybe he wasn't sentimental over posessions.Maybe they reminded him of his old life and didn't fit in with the new one. I wanted to believe he left them because he didn,t want to cut off his lifeline completely,thats why I left the d/gown on the door for years 'til my Dr told me to take it down it wasn,t helping me move on. When I moved I cleared out all his clothes-well most of them. When I heard he had remarried I threw out even more stuff.
Today I talked to a lady who recently lost her H after 20yr m, she was wife 2. Wife 1 came to visit when he was dying. Wife 2 said her h loved cars and they often joked that he traded in the old banger for a newer model(her)and that he had never wanted any contact with his old life or wife but she(wife 1) never gave up and contacted him about the kids(they had been m for 27yrs) when he left her.She seemed quite together and not v emotional about his death but said wife 1 had attended the funeral. I was gobsmacked and felt wife 1 was probably more upset than her. I quickly ended the convo and left but it certainly has been running thr my mind all night.
Sorry for v long post.
The dressing gown? well I still have it but not on display. Its a breavement thing.
My H was classic MLC man, but he never looked back and I am afraid those who leave after 30/40 years together rarely ever do. Those who had troubled marriages before MLC hits seem to have more return but often(not always) to more troubled years before leaving again. Maybe had I known about DB way back in the beginning things might have been different but hindsight is wonderful.
Naej [apologies for the threadjack] Are you saying that troubled marriages stand more chance of reconciling than happy ones?
Was your marriage very happy, and did your h EVER look back? Forgive my curiosity, but what you are saying runs somewhat counter to what I have observed, and I may well be wrong!
You have clearly been around along time from your dates. Do your children have no contact at all with their father? That is so sad.
No one says to give up. MLC takes time. Your H's time. I didn't think there was hope many. many times. I thought I had the plague when H was around. He avoided me. He wouldn't stay in the same room as I was in. Just because your H doesn't spend doesn't mean that he isnt in MLC.
Self centered or selfish is what I called my H. It was all me, me, me. He didn't care about anything but himself. He was a lost soul.
Maybe he doesn't want to say goodbye. Maybe that is guilt. I don't know. He is more ashamed than afraid of you in my opinion. My H when I would touch his arm he would pull back, so I stopped it because I couldn't take it either. It sounds like MLC to me!
