Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again And the rollercoaster continues

DB says it's a respect / independence thing! Our independent guys need to feel like they are the one making the decisions. When they feel like we are demanding or nagging, they fight. But then they CHOOSE to give in. It gives them a sense of control to fight it briefly, then be the kind/generous one and grant you your request.

The real question is: How do you play on this to get them to give in right away w/ less fight?

I thought so too, that is why I think I need to acknowledge it. Maybe it will show him that there ARE things he can do to help the situation. It has bothered me for a long time but I never said anything because it always makes him mad and then there is a fight. I need to be able to say things to him about my feelings and it not start a fight.
When he shuts down like that I take it as he doesn't care, which he told me is not the case. I have to stop reading so much into things.
I am not sure either, but they are big enough to make me want to give it some more time.
I think you are right, I will have to remember this.

I think it is all in my delivery. If I am mad he is going to get mad, so I have to stop letting things fester until they get to the point where I am mad.

I asked H to go to lunch with me today. I think I need to start initiating more contact. He feels he has nothing to offer so no reason to call me or ask me to do anything. He told me even if we are just planning on hanging out at his place it makes him anxious because he doesn't know what we are going to do. He doesn't want me to be bored.

He told me he just wants me to be happy and in a good mood. I am for the most part but I do really let his moods affect me, I always have. Something else I need to work on. So happy and upbeat it is at lunch today.

Everything you have planned, in both posts, sounds fantastic.

Have a great lunch!

Well, nothing ground breaking at lunch yesterday but we had a nice time.

H mentioned going home to see his family today since he is off work today and tomorrow. Not sure if he is going or not. Maybe it would be good for him to spend some time with them.

I always go to dinner with some friends on Wednesday nights, so I am looking forward to that.

Sounds like good plans for both of you. I'm sure he could use some family time.

(((Kris))) I'm glad you had a nice time. That's a positive all in and of itself.

How was your dinner with your friends? I do hope that you H goes to see his family. Maybe some away time will be good for him.

Sounds like things are doing alright. I think asking him for lunch was a great idea and maybe if you slowly continue to do things like that, you will see a change.

Sara

(((Kris))) Hope your week is ending nicely. Good plans for the weekend?

Sara my dinner with friends was fun as usual. I always look forward to that. We tend to do it every wednesday.

H didn't go home. I am not sure why other than the gas money. He is low on money and I am once again worried about him paying the car payment. It is due on the 22nd but he doesn't get paid again before then.

Thanks Michelle, not sure what the weekend plans are as of yet....but I will do something. I am pretty sure H has to work all weekend.

I think I am going to paint/decorate my room at my mother's house this weekend. I think it will make it feel more like my own. It hasn't changed at all since I lived there before and I think it is time for a change. I am actually pretty excited about that. Maybe I can even get some of my furniture out to use to feel more at "home".

I am SO glad it is Friday!!

TGIF!!!!