Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis I don't know what to think of this

Hi all,

Had a nice weekend. H saw D on Saturday and they went Mom's Day shopping for me. I asked him if he can pick up a couple more pairs of pants for D if they were going to Target since she grew more and the pants she had are short on her now. I also asked if he can get her a new pair of Crocs since her's from last summer are small. He had no problem with that and bought her the shoes and 3 pairs of pants. Awesome!

He also bought me what I wanted for Mom's Day which I wasn't sure if he would since he just bought me the grill for my bday last month. He bought me that kids bike that doesn't have the front wheel so it attaches to an adult bike. This way D will learn how it feels to ride a bike without training wheels, she can learn the balance feel of it, and we can go on farther bike rides since she can stop peddling if she wanted to on that bike. When I hugged him for the gift, he hugged hard (first time). It wasn't a long hug, but a kinda nice one. He said he'd even put it together for me on Sunday while I was with my mom if I wanted him to. He told me to call him and let him know.

I haven't heard from him since. I did try calling him yesterday and left a message, but I haven't heard back. I'm getting worried. What do you think? Is he mad? Backpeddling? What else?

Hey dar!
That sounds really nice. Just let him be for a while, don't try to call again. A lot of times after good contact "they" pull back. I think it scares them a bit, and they need time to get their feet back under them!

(((((((dar)))))))

Thanks Jeff. I'm jumping the full gun and thinking he's done. I'm pretty upset by this and hate feeling like this. H emailed me about 5 minutes ago and all it said was "Hey, nothing to worry about". That was in my response to my email this morning asking if he was okay, but that's all the email said. Nothing loving about it.

dar,

Can you ever be truly happy with the small things you get from your H?

There are many many of us that didn't even get a "Thought" from our h's or xh's.

You, I believe are never happy with anything your H does for you. There is always a negative attached.

Jeanette, please don't think I'm not happy about the gifts at all. Believe me when I say I am VERY HAPPY to have gotten the gifts from H...both Saturday and my bday. VERY HAPPY! He said we'd talk later that night and on Sunday and I didn't hear anything from him at all so I start to panic.

there yuo have it so I start to panic

but you've been apart 20 months!

Dar, I think you need to find a way to move forward from your H (not move on, find someone else, I dont mean that).. but he is ALWAYS making false promises to you.. I'll call you .. then doesnt.

I wondered, you said you didnt know where he lives. Do you know if there is an OW at all? I just wondered as yuo havent mentioned that in the bits I have read.

Nice that he gave yuo a hug. I'm not sure it was a good idea to email him asking him if he is ok? I think you should leave him be and let him come to you. Same old, same old!

Ali x

Hi Ali, he says there's no OW. There used to be, but he said he feels badly for doing that and won't do that again. I don't know what he wants or what he's doing any more really. I don't know how to let him go Ali.

Dar,

I think you need to go back and re-read AmyC's post to you on May 9th. I don't know how to put it here and at the moment, I don't have the time to figure it out.

Do not let his actions control your mood. Be grateful for the gift and the hug and let the rest go. You need to let him be. Remember--detach.

And do not say you don't know how to do that. You have been given many suggestions over the last few months on how to do just that.

I wish I had the magic answer for you dar, but I don't and no one else does either. I can empathize with you to a point because I have been where you are at, but honestly--don't you get sick and tired of being miserable? I did, and I guess unless you get to that point, nothing will change.

You can do this--you can be happy without daily contact with your H and without him telling you things you want to hear. If you can, go for a walk at lunch and just BE in the moment and enjoy nature--don't think anymore about your H!

Have a good day.

Thanks for that reminder Farmtown.

You have been given every tool imaginable that will enable you to do just that.

READ YOUR THREADS!

You just flat out refuse to use the wealth of knowledge that has been given to you by so many people on this site because you're afraid of feeling better about yourself because you might end up actually expecting MORE out of yourself.

In a nutshell dar: your problem is sloth.