Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Steelers Fan-H Left After 5 Weeks Pt. 2

what we want is sometimes not what God wants for us...

sometimes God gives us the answers that we don't want to hear so then we don't listen and keep looking for the one we want.

God gives us answers and helps us
but we have to open enough to see it

I did just that. I not only read what she put but I read in full the passages she quotes in her letters.

I still feel very abandoned

First of all, I have to say that I don't know anyone here that wanted a divorce and none of us would be here if that were the case.

Angelica,

I have to disagree with you. There comes a time where with MLC if there is no real movement then we have to save ourselves and our children from the anymore pain. Besides, the LRT is for us more so then for the WAW. I didn't realize when I wrote that to SF that her husband suffered from paranoia which adds a whole other layer to his MLC problems. I guess after seeing as many people go through this as I have I believe that there comes a time when we have to make some decisions.

I believe as well that faith in god helps us all. It is no real mystery that to get to a state of peace, and be able to accept the thing that we most feared most, is due to a deep faith that God is always there to get us through, and with that he brings us peace.

I've wrestled with writing to SF because I too want to find something that she can DO that will move her situation forward. It's hard to sit back and read each others stories day after day and realize how long the hurt and difficulties go on and not want to do something about it.


But here's what I finally decided.


The most important thing for each and every one of us that are going through this mess is that we be at peace with where we are and what's going on.

SF is at peace, or at least she appears to be. She is comfortable with things the way they are, and is comfortable with allowing things to proceed at their current pace.

Sometimes you can't ask for more than that.


I don't agree with the decisions that some people make in their situations, just as I'm sure that some people did not agree with the decisions I have made in my situation. But you know what? My situation is MY situation. Just like yours is YOURS. WE are the only ones who know what it's REALLY like living in our shoes.


So SF, if you want suggestions, opinions, advice on what to do, all you have to do is ask. We all care and we would all be happy to put our heads together and come up with some ideas.


But if you're good, and it sounds like you are, we'll wish you the best and continue to be hopeful for you.


Blessings,

Bill

I am not sure what to think now. Here is what happened tonight: he started texting me telling me he loves me, etc. and:

he is texting me and said how he loves and wants me and i said i can only give him what he wants if our marriage is as god intended it to be and i cannot share him

he said he is sleeping with her

and i asked him why he says he loves me and he said

because he really loves me and i said

then get the heck out of there and now

i just told him via text that this has got to stop it is either her or me and the kids then i said i still loved him and that i think of how jesus treated all people and that i, too, am a sinner and that i will always love him

i feel like crap now

i told him it was me and the kids or her and that he has to choose andi suggested if he really loved us he would get out of there and he said that was his choice to make not mine

i am not going to text him anymore--

SF (((((((((hugs)))))))))))). IMO you did the right thing. It may not feel like it at the moment but something had to change. Your H had to know how you really felt about your sitch. He needs to know that cake-eating is not acceptable.

I think you do right not to text him anymore not b/c you might say something else you have potential to regret but b/c he needs to know you mean what you said and also that you acknowledge that this is indeed his decision to make and he has to make it (soon in my opinion)

Take care.

Sf I agree totally with ACJ. MLC or not, this is unacceptable, and shows no respect for you, the kids, himself or the OW. Recovery has to start somewhere. However messed up he is, he is abusing everybody emotionally by his vacillating behaviour. Love the sinner, but NOT the sin.

No more texting. If he still needs the time it cannot any longer be at everyone's expense. That, as you know, is cheap grace.

A

I have had time to digest what I said and I believe God allowed this to happen.

I had to let him know that enough was enough.

I will be okay.

I plan on having a nice day with my kids even if that means I treat them to something nice on Mother's Day.

Well, not to sound as though I'm retracting my words from yesterday....


There are times when a line needs to be drawn.

I believe that all of us have admired your ability to continue to allow your husband to be fully involved with the family on weekends, even while he lives separate from you throughout the week.

Our fears in part were perhaps that your husband was deciding that this kind of arrangement was satisfactory to you.

I recognize the confusion you say he is going through. I appreciate that he is messed up inside. This still does not make his actions something that should be ignored or allowed.

At some point even the most messed up MLC'er has to know that you cannot profess your love for one person while sleeping/living with another. Confusion does not excuse everything.

Perhaps this will be an action that upsets HIS apple cart and causes him to take a step of commitment one way or the other.

You of course realize that ultimatums are only effective if you have the strength to carry them out.



Blessings,

Bill

i am perfectly aware of what i said and i meant every word of it.

funny he told me that he feels pretty crappy about what he is doing............

i believe i did upset the apple cart which is okay by me for now but i do believe god has been working on him more and more each day.