Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Drowning, still...

And we keep sticking with it... go figure. I did tell her last night during my back slide that I would hate to be in her shoes. I said you have 2 guys that care for you, one that is madly in love with you (me if you all didn't know:) ) and I am sure it is tearing her apart. Yea, I know, but I was backsliding so well, why not throw a few ILY's in...

I do hope others learn from us. I wish I would have started DBing on day one - I may not be as far behind as I am now. Also, I should have come home that night, even though W said she didn't want me in the house, I had a flight all set - she went to counseling first and that has been part of the problem, I don't think her C is pro-marriage, but I don't know that for sure.

Hey, if you are Dorry - does that make me Nemo - the CLOWN fish???

Forgot Nemo was a clown fish, bad analogy on my part. You might make a better Bruce than a Nemo.

CBK, don't think so much about trying to slide into an opening in her heart. Just try to be her friend. Yes, I want my marriage to lack with my husband. But he's on a path that only he can find. In the meantime, I want to get along with him. I want him to see that we can get along. Period. Just try that. Tell her that you just want to get along to just get along. Then back off, waaaay off. When you do chat, ask questions that require more than a Yes/No answer. Don't pepper her with questions, but provide little openings in conversation with her. "What did you think about dinner?" Pedestrian conversation, perhaps, but it will make you both more comfortable around you. Let the elephant in the room be the elephant in the room. (Something I'm trying to learn.)

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. That's always good.

Great advice CW - it is the elephant in the room, a really big one.

I really do want to be her friend, where we both feel comfortable with each other. My problem, get ready for it, is that I have no PATIENCE Of course, I think if I bat my baby blues at her, she will magically want to be friends again - I am more realistic than that though. Getting along is essential and this weekend will be a test with my parents in town.

You would think I could find better questions to ask, I basically talk for a living and present infront of large audiences... I need to find that art of conversation back in my home! I guess a visit to the bookstore again.

The hard part for me always is when I travel, I would love to call every day, but know that is pursuing, I would love it if she called me, but that isn't going to happen. I would like to talk to her about that, my next trip isn't for a couple of weeks nad will be a long trip - probably a week.

An interesting twist I forgot to say, W is reading the 5 Languages of Love book I gave her at the very beginning. I am not going to read anything into it, but thought that was a positive sign - but of course, as I always do, then I think, well, maybe she is reading about it for OM! Stop that...

I am also going to get the book Not Just Friends that many have recommended. I also have a few mystery novels - trying to keep mind occupied!

CBK

I just re-read my post and I meant that I want my marriage BACK not lack. Ha.

Perhaps you talking for a living is part of the problem. You say you present to large audiences. That isn't exactly conversation. You talk and they listen. It needs to be the other way around. What is something that your W usually does that you don't know much about? Ask her about it. Tell her you're trying to learn XYZ for whatever reason. Dumb example here: My H and I have his/her lawn mowers. Mine is an old-fashion reel mower (I've been afraid of gas mowers for some reason.) and his is a gas mower. The reel mower doesn't work too well on our lawn, though it used to do a great job at our old house on it's much better lawn. Now that H isn't around as much, I'd like to be able to make the lawn look nice. I asked him to show me how it worked. Ta Da! H felt like "the man" and I learned something from him. He's not the handiest of guys, I'm handier, so it was a good 180.

Get that OM out of your head!!!

You are right about the presentations I do, not really conversations, but after these, I am in a social situation and really don't have a problem with convo - but I have lately... hmmmm.

The one thing my W does is tutors dyslexic students after work and does that throughout the summer, I always ask about it, but really never listen, especially about the side affects and the multiple learning disabilities that come along with this. Our S19 is ADD and dyslexic. I will start asking more about her kids and what she is learning at her conferences. I always ask about her kids at school and her open houses. I asked this AM about what her kids are making for Mother's Day, so I am getting better. It is amazing that when you are with somebody for so long, you forget to just talk...

And right now - OM is way out of my head. I am on the second load of laundry, kids are still sleeping and need to make my store and dry cleaner run pretty soon. So keeping busy!

CBK

Good job finding a connection and one you can use as a 180, too.

I know puppy - like I said - backslide...

However, I just wrote an email to her, my parents are getting in until later, so I am going to hit a bucket of balls, then was going to bring lunch to W - but then thought better of it, too much pursuing. When I worked out of the house, we used to have lunch all the time... maybe some day! So I deleted the email and got the 1x2 (not the 2x4) by puppy.

I am getting stronger. I want to post this thing on detachment, but it is huge. Is there another way, should I chunk it up, or not post it all? Let me know your thoughts.

CBK

Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!!!