Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy For the guy with kids and WW II

Her plan.

Gave me the ILYBNILWY. Can't love me the same way I love her. She has SAID that she will move out of the house with the girls come beginning of summer since I say that I won't leave. She no longer wants to be married. Her affair has quite possibly been only emotional. She has stated this before, but hard to believe that is hasn't been physical at least once.

My plan.

Keep her in the house with the kids. Become friends again. Best friends. I have done this before, but I did it wrong. I got there, and then pushed it and pursued big time after I heard a VM from OM about how much he loved her and before long it will be her and him and the kids. She felt like I was more of a brother and of course, the pursuing backfired. I think that as long as I have her home, we have a chance. I have told her that if she pursues D, then friendship is over and I will fight for custody of D's. On this I have been firm.

Also, killing her with loving kindness and acts of service.

H4H -

We have similar plans. My WAW is set to leave at the end of summer - she wants me out... that isn't going to happen. But time to become her friend. WAW is a "quality time" love language, that will be so tough to do when she doesn't want to spend any time with me, but will break that down.

You sound good today - hope it is more than just your Spurs winning!

It is. Our friendship seems to be coming along, I hope. Again, no expectations.

Yesterday, as WW and I were on the phone talking, she stated that she was having her second cig of the day. I asked her if that was by accident or on purpose. She said on purpose. I said "Wow, thats good!" She then said that she was going to wean herself off of the meds that she takes for depression. If she gets headaches, she'll just take Ibuprofen.

Good sign?

The past couple of days, our clothes have color matched. I usually get my clothes ready first and then her. Accident? Probably. Subconsiously? Hopefuly.

Ok. Your plan is solid. Her plan is based on her "fog".


Just curious...how do you plan to fight for the kids? (hopefully you will not need to do this)

Keep looking for those connections H4H - even if accident, that is okay. Do you call your W or does she call you during the day? You two seem to talk a lot. My W doesn't really like me calling her when I am on my trips, will need to figure that one out later.

CBK

Our calls only happen at the end of the work day when she is getting ready to leave work. I don't call her during the day and she doesn't call me. We used to talk during the day or I would email or text something every day. Recently I was doing this until about two months ago, when our big D argument first started. Talks before had been about separation. Before that arguement, I was really pursuing and it was then that I realized the backfire of my actions.

Our phone calls recently have only been business like, but I have been trying to change this. More conversation and longer. This has only been the past week or so. Our phone calls now are only about 5-20 minutes long, but with good talk. At home, sporadic but good.

I want to start texting her again, but I am trying so hard not to pursue. Maybe start with forwarding funny stuff I get. I used to end every thing with "..Love, R". No more.

I would love to talk to her more and have lunches with her again. Just chit chat when free. Maybe soon.

What do ya'll think?

In fighting for the kids, I mean that if she wants to D, I want joint custody, but them to live at home with me. Even if she wants to seperate. However or whatever I have to do. Let the attorney's handle that part.

If it has to get to that point. I pray it doesn't.

H4H - I can't wait to hear the responses as I think about the same stuff. I am working out of the house today, usually, I would have lunch with W - but I know better than to text her... pursuing. I guess I will wait until I get feedback from her. I have sent her a couple of texts - but it was home stuff for cars, etc. I am trying to engage her more at home, but if we have a 5 to 10 minute convo, then that is amazing. For me, on the road, as you know, I want to call and chat, but that is not DBing. We are very close in our Sitc, not sure what to do anymore, but I know what I was doing wasn't working!

CBK

The detaching has really helped me. Now working on the GALing. That is my hard one. Since we have been together, no nights out with the boys. Everything done together. She used to get mad at me that I wouldn't just take the kids and give her a day. Those were just a few of the things she wanted me to do. I now see wdid's list of stuff. Her list was eye opening.

I just forwarded WW a funny text. I think I sent it correctly. We'll see if she responds. She has to turn her ringer off when at work, so she may not see for a while.

I feel like, if I can at least rebuild our friendship, then maybe something can come of it. Problem is that we always seem to have our friendship. I know she cares for me and loves me, she is just somewhere else being confused. Just slightly beyond my reach.

If she doesn't come out of it, then I will keep up the friendship for now, then give her my own WHAMMO!

CBK, I forget that your thread is on newcomers. I havent visited for a while. Will try to get to later.

I know what you mean about always having the friendship. He and I always talked together and enjoyed being with each other. I always felt as if my H and I were more like brother and sister than lovers and the OM made me see that and made me forget that H and I had that a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time ago. I'm still remembering it slowly. The other night I remembered when my H and I started going out and how I would see him in the library (met in college) studying and trying not to get distracted. I remember how I used to write him little notes and stop by his study area and how you could tell he was getting anxious because he had work to do. I used to think...."he is sooo cute..all studious". Fast forward 10 years and that cuteness turned into anger when he put work above me. It is the "Flip-flop" that I've been reading about. Every great quality has it's "bad" parts to it. I remember at the beginning of our relationship how he bought me a necklace for no reason at all just because he loved me (NOT in his "character"), and how he used to take me where his dad worked to "show me off". We were definitely "more than friends". Funny how those days disappeared in my head when I was with the OM.

It's good you have let her know you will fight for the kids staying with you during the week. That alone would have stopped me dead in my tracks.