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What a great way to spend a Saturday on the course with dad and buds..Hit em good and concentrate on having fun and playing golf..leave your sitch at home, don't take it to the course.

I started playing golf again after the bomb dropped, was one of my 180's. I haven't played a course in almost 2 years (major back problems) - but with all the weight I dropped, a couple of lessons, I was back to my wicked slice that I left two years ago!

The good news is I have no expectations of golfing well, won't even keep score - just out there to be with my dad and buds. Looking forward to it. I may paint a mental picture of OM on a few golf balls when I am teeing off... that is acceptable isn't it?

CBK

I guess if you feel the need to do that you can. How about doing that on 17 and 18? That way you'll leave any thoughts of him on the course and won't let any of those thoughts ruin the rest of the weekend.

Mothers Day is about the mom's it's not a day about our sitches.
remeber the mother's, your's and all others..Water off a duck's back for us and our sitches on Mother's Day

CBK, I'm slowly catching myself up on your sitch. Detaching is difficult, but necessary. I'm only part of the way there myself. Probably has myself convinced I'm more there than I really am, in all actuality!

But keep doing the things you know you need to do. I'll read more and respond if I feel I have anything of value to share.

Regarding golf, it is also one of my 180s. Hit the driving range last year, and played a couple of rounds too, for the first time in eight years. Bought myself a new set of clubs last week and hit a bucket on Sunday. Wicked clubs. Can't wait to get back on the links regularly! When done correctly, it doesn't hurt the back IF the back is strong, even if it's messed up.

Thanks CW - My sitc' is like a lot on this board - I have just not been able to detach, making baby steps now. As you know, the emotional roller coaster seems to leave the station about every 1/2 hour!

Appreciate any feedback when you can.

Take care,
CBK

I haven't been able to ignore W when she is clearly doing poorly. Objectively, I know I should just let her simmer in her own stew -- but it hurts to see her hurting. I still love this woman, and it has been hard to not be supportive in those times. I am slowly getting better at it, though.

Gforce, this is where I am the weakest. I just want to ask her how she is doing, what is going on in her mind? I am glad I will see my IC today, I have gone through the roller coaster lately, getting all worked up right now after reading some of the other threads and seeing all the pain that others are going through. I have so many questions for her, but know I cannot ask them right now. I saw WDID list the other day and said, yea, that is it, I want to make one of those lists some day - I want to know what my wife would like from me. God do I miss her. Hard to sit on the side lines - and really say to myself that I am going to be better after all of this - and IF she decides to come back, we have a long road to pave. Will I be ready still? God I hope so.

I am so glad parents are coming up this weekend, can't wait to see them. I have to stay strong though and be myself.

See, stomach in knots, all teary eyed, sitting in my office. I guess I should get out of here and go hit a bucket of balls and get ready for my first golf outing in a while...

Groan...

CBK

Also, why is it that before the bomb, I could easily get through a day when I was at work with out the urge to call W and see how she is doing. Talk abot pursuing. I am not going to do this, but man, I need to detach. I keep telling myself, baby steps, baby steps.

CBK

You've been doing a lot better the last few days. Keep it up - don't call W. Go hit a bucket of balls instead. I've just started golfing - 180 for me. Finished my first set of lessons and have gone to the driving range a few times, haven't played a round yet. S11 is also taking lessons. It feels good to get out and do something new.
Remember: No pursuing!!!

Okay, I am feeling pretty low right now. I don't want to talk to W any more, I go through these stages, remembering what I read, saying that she wants out, just want to lessen my hurt. That convo over the weekend where I was just pissed and yelling reminds her how bad it can be - She thinks all these 180's I am doing is to just erase the slate. I want to work on our relationship, but know that the other guy is still in the picture. She is not supposed to see him or talk to him, I am 90% sure she has. She is going past boundaries and not living up to her promises...

What good would me having her tell the kids and her mom that she is having an A. Would this just push her further away? Does it matter anymore, can she be pushed even further?

I am going to counseling today - need to run this all by him. I am really low right now. Was doing so well, feel like I am once again drowning...

CBK