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Could the person that asked about your marital status be interested in starting a relationship with either your or your wife (you didn't mention what gender the person was that asked), but didn't want to step on any toes if you were married? Now I'm being curious, but I mean it in a respectful manner.

Matilda, Yoyo, and Jak,
In this case it was a married senior gentleman over 60, so I'm not sure why he asked about marital status. If someone is expressing an interest in dating my W, all they need to know is that she's not available, and not our marital status.

It is difficult trying to honor my W's request about marital status. I think for some people it's an innocent question. On the other hand, I do think it's forward to ask an acquaintance such personal questions. I've run into people who are more interested in satisfying their curiosity versus respecting other's privacy.

The conflict is that as the connection in the M is increasing, we are becoming more of a public couple again. However, we are not a solid couple that has physical displays of affection. I think I will try to keep marital status private to the extent that I can, but will have to accept that I will occassionally get tripped-up.

It's somewhat confusing. My W will present us as a couple who is committed and lives together, but avoids giving marital status. It's one more issue to work on being nonreactive to.

My W has brought-up her interest in Hawaii again. I think I will let her do the legwork in planning for this, and see what she comes up with. Maybe she can find a moderately priced Hawaii vacation.

CL

Piecing Friends,
The dance lesson went well. My W and I are enjoying the class (rumba, cha cha, samba) a great deal. With our dance repertoire broadening, we have been venturing to other studios and venues to dance.

I spent Friday evening with my brother and nephew at a sports event. It was good to reconnect with him. I'm going to be more intentional about visiting more often.

My W has been down these past several days. I think she's ruminating about some difficult child memories triggered by a conversation with her mother. My W has had a difficult childhood. Her mother apparently went thru some psychotic episodes, and wasn't emotionally available.

My W told me that she's depressed, and asked for advice. Her timing was good, as I'm prepared due to all the reading I've been doing over past several years in Buddhism, psychology, and more recently poetry. I told her the framework I currently use, and she wrote it down (Wise Effort, Mindfulness, and Concentration, and cultivating enjoyable and productive activities). I also read her a poem I like on the responsibility of cultivating joy in our lives.

I'm working on maintaining composure instead of reacting with annoyance as I've done in the past when new situations comes my way. She has the handyman doing more projects, and I'm hoping there's enough money to pay for it. She also invited an old friend of hers (her former Spanish tutor who's down on his luck), to sleep on our couch for a week until he gets established in town. I'm not crazy about the idea, but I'll adapt.

CL

This seems good that she is asking YOU for advice and not just leaving/sleeping elsewhere (I hope!).

How is it with your "visitor"? A week will be long enough I am sure!

Matilda,
The visitor hasn't come yet. We'll see how that situation develops.

My W keeps pushing for a Hawaii vacation, and strongly hints that I be her travel companion. I'll make another trip to the travel agent this week, and advise them that I want a budget trip. Surely, one can travel to Hawaii for two for less than 5K.
The package the last travel agent showed me was a pretty high class trip.

In my happiness book I'm reading the author talks about the five hindrances to happiness and a calm mind--desire (materialism, entitlement), restlessness (worry), fatigue (passivity), doubt, and aversion (annoyance, anger). She says that each of us favors one of the hindrances due to temperament and habit. I'm guessing that mine is either doubt and/or aversion (particularly annoyance).

CL

Does that mean she would go to Hawaii without you if you don't agree??? Hope it works out.

Matilda,
The ball's back in my court as far as planning this trip. She wants to take a vacation, which is reasonable. I spoke with a travel agent again today, and she's going to work with me on creating a Hawaii trip that meets our budget. It's the same travel agent who told me that Hawaii was 8-10K, so I don't understand the inconsistency. She said there are ways to lower the cost, as long as there is flexibility on our part.

My W has been sending me thank you emails, regarding the ways I make her life easier. She said that I've been acting more like a partner than an assistant when it comes to the cooking job.

She has invited me to take a private lesson with her with this instructor from New York who comes to town annually. She also set-up a private lesson with one of her regular instructors, so she and I can sample some other ballroom dances (West Coast Swing, Hustle). It's great to see her back in her dancing groove.

My only concern if this visitor comes is the lack of security regarding financial documents. I'm not used to having people stay at our place, so don't secure documents. I don't want my W's altruism to turn into identity theft. I think I'll handle this matter on my own.

CL

I wouldn't even have thought about identity theft, CL. I think it would just be an inconvenience.....especially since you have a fragile marital relationship. You always seem to roll with the pumches, though.

I am glad to hear your wife is sending nice emails. I will be happier when I hear she is being nice to you in public!!!!

Happy dancing!

CL,
Your wife shows so many signs of really trying to connect I just hope that she finds her way back to a better M for the two of you.

As far as the travel agent I think they probobly always start out at the most expensive end of booking then go down from there.

Have a good day CL.

JAK

Jak, Matilda, and Piecing Friends,
I have a travel agent working on our Hawaii trip. We'll see how this process goes.

My W and I have practiced dancing three times this week. I think she's starting to consider me as her dance partner. The weekly classes are going well.

We had a private instructor over recently to learn West Coast Swing. I struggled with it, but am experienced enough now with dance lessons to know that if I stayed with it, I would get the basic step, and I did.

Our guest has arrived. He is a young man in his late twenties, trying to make his way in the world. He used to be my W's Spanish tutor. I did buy a security box to keep statements, bills, and other personal financial items. This will help me to relax, when he's there alone. I'm not worried beyond that. I'm anticipating that he will spend most of his time visiting and connecting with old friends, and use our place as a home base.

My W has been easier to live with this past week. It looks like she's trying to be more positive, and manage her emotions. She seems more appreciative of me. She seems to be focusing more on the positives lately.

I guess I'll just stay the course for now.

CL