You only say that because you don't believe that any changes you make can actually take you to your goal. But with time and self-love, you will reach your ultimate goal - to be happy, with or without H.
YES!!!
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The longer this drags on, the more convinced I become that you need to go VERY dim or dark on your H. For your own sanity. Living apart was the only thing that allowed me to detach from my H and the stitch so that I wasn't thinking about it 24/7. It helped me regain my equilibrium.
YES AGAIN!!!
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You need to do something for yourself to help you regain your equilibrium too. I think it is a start to not call H. You need to stick it out - it will get easier in a few days.
....And you shouldn't even be hoping that H will call you. We can all hope that our S'es will someday turn around and take notice of what they're missing, but until that happens, we ought to focus on ourselves. NOT on our Hs/Ws.
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(((((((Sara)))))))) I have been there, I know it's hard, but it does get better. Hang in there.
I've been there as well, Sara. We ALL have, and yes, Michelle is right. IT DOES and IT WILL get better. You've got to BELIEVE this.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Sara: I know that there is nothing I can do to change him. Nothing at all. I also know that until he gets his relationship right with God again, his relationship with me isn't going to go anywhere. Right now he is just moving himself farther and farther away from God and from me.
I feel the same way, What went wrong, I know we didn't do anything at least anything that if asked we wouldn't change for our S.
I was yelling at God the other day, becasue I hurt so bad, I don't know why he is doing this to me. I know you feel the same way.
This is so hard, have to keep thinking that nothing stays the same, either H/W will chnage or we will move on with our lives. From your post, I know you had it and you are not going to put up with H forever. I'm the same way, if W doesn't change or want to reconcile by June 09, I'll move on with my life. I really don't think I'll have to wait that long, becasue I should know several month after kids are back in school fulltime and she isn't seeing kids or me for weeks, I'm not going to let her stop by anytime she wants she'll have to schedule time with the kids, I'm not going to interrupt our schedule because she wants to play mommy for awhile. Enough about me.
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Sara: I do feel trapped. Which is almost funny because he is the one that kept saying how trapped he felt. But I feel trapped. Right now I do not have a lot of choices and I hate that. Hate how everything seem totally out of my control. I am sick of riding this roller coaster and regret the day several months ago when I said that my life was boring and nothing ever happens.
I feel trapped also, isn't that strange, its the excuse they give to do what they want, and the way we feel becasue of the situation they put us in. I'm headed on the down slope today on my roller coaster, last night was going up, had dinner with W and kids and all went as a family to D9 school show.
Summer is going to be hard seeing W arrive in the morning to take care of kids and leave at night to take care of OM - Do you have plans for the summer, with being a teacher, don't you have a lot of free time in the summer - will that be more difficult to deal with H or ae you still involved with something.
Checking my spelling so teacher doesn't give me a "F"
M45 W41 M10 D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me PA confirmed 03/08 no sex yet ??? hoping !!! WHAMMO - W moving out June 1st
Good night Jeff. Thanks for saying Goodnight to me. It is nice to have someone tell me that....
Well...I did it. I have not called or TM or contacted H in any way for over 24 hours now. I haven't actually talked to him since Monday (unless you count Tuesday morning when he needed to use the bathroom and I was in there).
I know my goal is not to want to have contact with H, but I honestly do. My eyes well up with tears when I pull into the driveway and his car isn't there. I am working on it, but detatching isn't easy. I physically can do it, but the emotional part is difficult.
This might sound childish, but oh well. I hid the laundry detergent that I just bought. I see that H's dirty clothes are piling up (obviously since he doesn't come home) and he is eventually going to need to do his laundry. (I have stopped doing that for at least 3 weeks now) And I don't want him using my soap. He can go get his own soap...he is lucky to be using free water so I am not going to let him use the soap too.
On the back porch, he has stacked up a bunch of cups and mugs that I think were in his car. I don't know why he didn't take them inside the house, but I am not doing that either.
Right now I am holding out until May 19 and seeing if things change any. Besides that being 2 weeks of me detatching, that is also the day he starts taking his community college classes. I think things might change some once he starts in on the classes. I will see. But then if there is another OW (or the same OW from before), then things might be totally different.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Well...I did it. I have not called or TM or contacted H in any way for over 24 hours now.
Yay, Sara!
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I am working on it, but detatching isn't easy. I physically can do it, but the emotional part is difficult.
You are absolutely right, and we can all totally empathize. Give it time, and it will get easier.
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This might sound childish, but oh well. I hid the laundry detergent that I just bought. I see that H's dirty clothes are piling up (obviously since he doesn't come home) and he is eventually going to need to do his laundry. (I have stopped doing that for at least 3 weeks now) And I don't want him using my soap. He can go get his own soap...he is lucky to be using free water so I am not going to let him use the soap too.
On the back porch, he has stacked up a bunch of cups and mugs that I think were in his car. I don't know why he didn't take them inside the house, but I am not doing that either.
Wait - who wrote this??? WHAT??!!!! You did, Sara??!!!
Just my opinion, but I, for one, do not think this is childish at all! I am SOOO glad to see that you are beginning to take action and make your H face the consequences of his!
You go, girl!!! You rock!
(((((((YAY FOR SARA!!!!)))))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Ugggh! Things just keep getting worse and worse. H rolls in at 5:30am (can't tell me he was at a bar THIS time!). I hear a sound...the washing machine! WTF!!! He comes home at 5am to do laundry! Well that was it. I got up and he is in bed pretending to be asleep. I flip on the light and very calmly tell him,
"This is not a hotel. You cannot come in and do your laundry and then not come home again. If this is what you want to do, maybe you should stay at your new girlfriends house and not come back here."
"I don't have a girlfriend"
"Then where have you been for three days? (no answer) Well you aren't welcomed here as long as you keep doing this."
"OK. I need to get to sleep."
"Unbelieveable."
And I went to the couch and cried for awhile. I am thinking that I might just go ahead and lock the doors and see what he does. If he calls the police, I can say that I was scared for my safety because I didn't know where he was or what he is capable of. I just know that this has gotten old.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
I just TM H saying "You need to get what you need out of the house today. You will not be able to get back in later tonight."
I am so tired of all this. Both pysically and emotionally. I need him to leave for as long as he continues to play these games. I don't care anymore if he calls the police on me. He IS abusing me emotionally and I can tell the police that he hasn't been home in 3 days and I am not sure what he is capable of anymore.
My only choice is to lock the screen doors, which I guess he could break open.
It just isn't right that he can stay out all night and waltz into the house like nothing happened. And do is friggin laundry.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Sara, just from being on the other side (with H not home), it actually is calmer. You will miss him but it is easier to work on yourself and not be tortured by his actions or lack thereof. I agree with Saffie, change your locks. kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Wait - who wrote this??? WHAT??!!!! You did, Sara??!!! 