Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Real life's getting more like fiction each day....

I've tried melatonin before and it doesn't do it for me. I also am not phased by vicodin and many other prescription drugs that are supposed to whack me out. Something with my metabolism or something else. Ambien works, though I do wake up often. I just can get back to sleep. Oddly enough Ambien CR makes me wake up more often than regular Ambien. I remember when I was 16 and had my appendix out the doctors giving me something they said would impair me and it never did. With all that's been going through I wish I could take a pill and escape! (Just kidding in all reality. Seriously. Nothing a couple beers -- like 2 or 3 -- can't take care of!)

Melatonin works for me--but I think some people are more melatonin-deficient than others (I guess me), and maybe that's why it doesn't work for you. The other thing that I have come to rely on is exercise, biking or dancing or whatever and I've found if I don't work out for a day or two, I have more trouble sleeping so I am exercising prob. about 5 times a week.
Karen

My H has taken Melatonin and it kept him awake. Actually he was really wired, like on 20 cups of coffee when he took it. So I am a little scared to try it. Typically I take Tylenol PM, but I have a really difficult time in the next day. Dealing with 2nd graders is hard enough without being groggy. The infamous night I kicked my H out and he returned begging to come back, I had taken 2 Tylenol PM and was REALLY out of it.

I read a book until I got sleepy last night. That was about 11:30pm. I never heard H come home, but a storm work me up at 4am and I saw his car parked in the driveway. I thought I did pretty good last night. I only called that one time (around 8:30pm) and let it ring 3 times and then hung up. I didn't leave a voice mail, I didn't text him at all. I also didn't leave him a message this morning or text him this morning. All of this is a change, so I am feeling pretty good about it.

Who knows if he will be home tonight or not. Regardless, I have things to do. I need to pick up some prizes for some students and go to church.

(((Sara))) Good job! Keep up the great work!

Have fun today and tonight at church!

I did this also and it never stops cracking me up when WW calls me and my phone display says "ICE calling". Boy, if ever a more true statement was displayed, I don't know what it is.

That ICE thing is pretty funny, hope4us. My husband has my name all over his cell phone. Sara cell, Sara at work, Sara at home, Sara's parents. If someone got ahold of it, they would find out that Sara is someone he calls frequently.

I am feeling really down today. It is really cloudy and looks like it might burst into a storm any minutue now (bet it will while I am outside at the buses). My last class today is canceled. That is the good news. None of the kids are here. That is really strange. Anyhow, I am feeling down. I am wondering if H will make an appearance tonight at home. I know I am not supposed to care about that, but lets be honest. I do care. I wonder if H has OW and who she is. I need to figure out a way to let that go, because it is driving me crazy.

Sara

I was right. Just as I got outside to get the kids on the buses, rain came pouring out. I had an umbrella, but the kids didn't. The driveway here at school looks flooded. Crazy. \

I made it through the whole work day without texting or trying to call H. Now I need to carry that through into the evening. Why does each day seem to drag on so long? Uhh!

I sometimes wonder if I will ever feel happy again. I know that I will in time, but even when I am doing things I enjoy, there is this nagging unhappy feeling inside of me. I just desire to find that normal feeling again and keep it.

You WILL feel happy again, Sara. I know what you mean, though. The pain is an ever-present entity and makes its presence known no matter what you're doing. You need to start getting "out there" more - really focusing on yourself. I know you have a social phobia... maybe it's time to really work on that. You obviously have so much going for you. I hate for you to feel so trapped.

I'm right with you there. Its just kind of a hole where there used to not be a space. It'll get better...it has to!
Sara get out there and do one thing just for you today.

I went to Target to pick up the prizes for my students. I find shopping alone to be very difficult. I made it through until I got into my car and then I burst into tears. I know this has to get easier with time.

It looks like H won't be coming home again tonight. I tm'd him something like "Have a gr8 time 2nite! " It made me feel better to send him a message although he didn't answer at all.
Then I went to church....alone. The man who usually speaks on Wednesday night wasn't there, instead some boring guy was talking. So I ended up just sitting there and reading my Bible. It was peaceful.

H's Dad called....ugh. Maybe I should get caller id. He wanted to know if I had spoken to H about taking his mom out for mother's day. I politely told him that H hasn't been coming home until 2am and I haven't talked to him very much at all. And that maybe he should try H's cell phone.

The good news of the day was that when I came home from work this evening, I had a message from the head of the music at church (not the same church I attend on Wednesday, but the one I go to all of the time). I had talked to him many weeks ago about wanting to help with the singing. He had left a message saying that he would like for me to help lead worship this summer! Yippie! I haven't lead worship in years (actually that is how H and I met...he saw me up there in from of the church singing and he wanted to meet me). Don't ask me to explain how I can get up infront of 100's of people and sing or act but have problems with a person one on one in a small room...

Sara