Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Just Honest..

Kiki, all that you wrote is what makes you such a lovely person, and your H such a fool to have walked away.

I admire you greatly and know that what you wrote is so very true for many of us, including myself.

Sending you much love and blessings sweety, xxxx

Upside I so agree that i am trying to understand why we cant be normal.

Part of me wants to just settleand not go to court.

Maybe we can meet half way.

I decided the visitation schedule wasnt worth fighting, so I let H have it.

But Am I doing it for hopes H will be normal again($$$$$ settling)

Does he have to feel in control? Does H feel like I am in control?

What a Dilemna!

Thanks Cinders...it is nice to hear from you.

Right back at you , dear!

Thank you very much!!!!!

when it comes to financial / legal settlements stbx is all business, so I wonder if your H is being distant as to not mix financial and emotional situations, and is afraid any interaction from you might be manipulative to get your way? or perhaps he is po'd at having to go to court and thus is keeping his distance?

If I may ask, what are the reasons you are going to court?

Hey Cat,

We are going to court because H does not want to budge on his number. It is a 300 dollar difference.

H doesnt want to agreeto anything.

we having been dealing with this forthe past 2 and half years. We came to an agremeent then H didnt sign it.

For some reasonthat was my fault. I think my lawyer is now working pro bono.

Kiki,

I went a very long time without speaking to my STBX, and during that time if he HAD to speak to me about something it was ALWAYS an argument. Wether there was a point to argue or not. It was awful and I did/do miss him as a person.

I can't speak for your sitch, as I don't know your H, but I think it was best for me to leave STBX be. He came around in his own time in being civil to me again.

We don't really ever TALK about anything anymore. It is all about the kids or the D. But it is nice not to be yelled at.

The silence is miserable but somewhat peaceful. I learned to live with it. But in my case STBX is across the country and I don't have to see him on any kind of regular basis. I can see where it would be more difficult since you do.

I'm sorry I'm not more help. Just try to focus on you and D7. I know it's hard but I don't know what else to do.

As for the settlement, do whatever you need to do to be financially secure. If it means fighting him over the $300, if it's worth it do it. I negotiated with my STBX, we agreed to everything then when he talked to his L he changed his mind and we ended up going back and forth. Finally, he gave some and so did I.

Hugs to you dear!

Love,
Shades

kiki,

How do you think he would respond to an invitation to talk? You can always ask, but I'd only do it once and then (if the answer is no) let it lay for awhile. If the answer is yes, play it by ear.

I agree with Shades about the $300. If it's worth it, do it if not....that's up to you to decide. One thing I would ask you to keep in mind though, if he never comes home, what kind of settlement would you feel good about? This doesn't mean taking him for everything, but if the future kiki could talk to you now, what would she way she wished she'd done about the settlement? I know this may sound wierd, but sometimes it helps me to step outside myself and look at what I'm doing and why.

HUGS

Hey shades and grace, i agree.

I will not try to talk to H.

sometimes i think I am a fool. A fool for thinking he can and will change.

H took D7 for ice cream and OW joined them.

I convinced myself H wouldnt be with OW anymore. He is. I just need to give up.

It has been almost three years and she is still arund. Every once in awhile he will bring her around D7.

I'm done.

He doesnt even acknowledge my questions about D7. Jusyt completely ignores me. But takes my daughter for ice cream with OW.

Im done.

{{{Kiki}}}

I am so sorry

None of us are fools for trying to restore something that used to be so great.

It's easy to convince ourselves because we have/had hope.

They give us this tiny bit of hope so we can convince ourself.

What does that say to the OW? Or about the OW?

Not much if you ask me. Neither does it say much for the integrity of the spouse.

Let them live in the world of make believe.

You live in the real world Kiki, there is nothing wrong with that.

Are we ever done?

Hugs,

Jeanette

((((kiki))))

I agree with Jeanette that none of us are fools. Be kinder to yourself and give you more credit for trying to restore what you had.




Great question and a deep one that deserves dontemplation.