I really don't want to give up...I didn't have to let h come home...I didn't need h to come home..we were doing just fine without him here every night...
I know I will do fine in life..
I know that I have a lot to be thankful for...
I have a great home..
I have two beautiful healthy happy children (despite the fact that at times they drive me nuts)
I have friends and family that love and appreciate me..
I just would like to have a friendship with the man I married..to feel confident in our r...to feel loved...to feel needed...to feel special to him...
sorry but I do not..
sure h came home and he did not have to...but I know that it was mostly for his son...should that be enough???
I don't feel good about this m.
maybe it is simply that I could easily make the statement I love h I'm just not in love with h...I know how silly that statement is...I know it does not matter in the end...but shouldn't I be with someone who's company I enjoy...someone I look forward to spending time with...someone I enjoy???
because h is so not available...because h is so preoccupied...because h is so busy doing other things..I stuff that desire...to the point where it just doesn't exist anymore..I could really care less at this point..when h first came home there were a few things that I let him know I'd like...
for him to initiate an outing...hasn't happend...well then there was one day this week when he said "whatever night we go out this week...if my schedule provides...we'll take a trip to home depot cause I really want a shed" 3 months ago that little statement would have made me smile...now...I don't give a damn...
I'm just tired of waiting..I'm tired of suffocating in h's world...sure h talks to me now..all about himself..all about how great he is at taking care of his customers...all about how busy he is...all about him...I listen...attentively..but really is that conversation?? is that real?? no it's boring as all hell..wonder what the hell he talked about with ow cause I'd be dammed if I'd walk away from even my h for someone like him.
yes going to emt school will be good for me...but I assure you it will not be good for h...
She She She screams in silence A sullen riot penetrating through her mind Waiting for a sign To smash the silence with the brick of self-control
Are you locked up in a world That's been planned out for you Are you feeling like a social tool without a use Scream at me until my ears bleed I'm taking heed just for you
She She's figured out All her doubts were someone else's point of view Waking up this time To smash the silence with the brick of self-control
Are you locked up in a world That's been planned out for you Are you feeling like a social tool without a use Scream at me until my ears bleed I'm taking heed just for you Ehhhhhhaaoo
Are you locked up in a world That's been planned out for you Are you feeling like a social tool without a use Scream at me until my ears bleed I'm taking heed just for you
Sorry to find you gloomy. Maybe you need to rattle your H?
I know of a similar situation where the H was working like a dog and the W was incredibly unhappy. The W gave an ultimatum, more family time or it's over. H thought long and hard, complied (got a less stressful job requiring less time), and now the M is on the mend. His choice!
Quote: Sorry to find you gloomy. Maybe you need to rattle your H?
nothing left to rattle him with...best I can do now is just go about my business find ways to fill my life with other things and hope that I don't drift to far away from h in the process of living my life.
Quote: I know of a similar situation where the H was working like a dog and the W was incredibly unhappy. The W gave an ultimatum, more family time or it's over. H thought long and hard, complied (got a less stressful job requiring less time), and now the M is on the mend. His choice!
and what soap opera would they be on??? no really I know people would make the right choice..but h would never consider even for a minute giving up his business I can't even get him to seriously consider moving his business closer to home. gee I wonder does that further my cause in that his business is more important to him than the kids and I?
LL congrats on taking the EMT class,I saw you were going to class but I guess I missed what kind.I am an EMT/FF and Red Cross CPR instructer.It will take your mind off things and sharpen your studing skills.I don't know what state you are from and I am sure it varies from state to state some but if theres anything I can do e-mail me.Remember us guys aren't the brightest creature god ever put on this earth so maybe a good old fashion list would work for H.
Quote: so maybe a good old fashion list would work for H.
thanks for the idea but h is from the "no matter what I do it's just not enough" school of thought currently...and therefore giving him a written list (since he's just not hearing the verbal one) would simply further tell him that he's just not good enough..
what a pickle I find myself in..
I am not good enough for him that he would MAKE the time for me...
and H is not good enough for me becuase I want him to make the time and he does (or can) NOT...
oh well...
I took off with the kiddos and went to friendlys for dinner...then got son a haircut..(they are in the same mall and upon seeing his haircut man on the way in decided he wanted a cut) so we arived home after h...how much after I don't know as it apeard that h hadn't been in the house yet and it was already past 7...I can now hear them (the kids and h) in the playroom...h's patience is short...I'm getting tired of this life...
LL, I know where you are coming from. For years my W has been the same way while I've put most of the energy into our R. For some time, as you know, I was thinking the same thoughts as you. However, lately this dynamic is changing.
You know, I've read of similar situations as Jim has mentioned, and I kind of have to agree with him. Your H is "thick" and needs a rattling. Thing is, he may not even realize the damage he's doing to himself in addition to his family. Perhaps you giving him an ultimatum will provide him the opportunity to change, as we've all had our own opportunities to change?
Remember the last time you had an ultimatum (if "ultimatum" is the right word)? Your H actually got off his a$$ and went to C. I know you don't want to operate this way, but maybe give it some thought. Jeez...I really don't like saying this kind of stuff because we're all trying to make a go of it...but I think your frustration level continues to grow, and soon you'll be a WAW yourself if the dynamic between you two isn't changed.
It may be time to lay all the cards on the table. Living with the status quo clearly isn't working and hasn't for many years. Men can be so stupid when it comes to careers. We all know what's most important...
no need for a severe type of rattling or ultimatum...I'll just continue to be lovingly distant and wait and see I guess.
last night as I said h arrived home late again but the kids and I had taken off to friendlys so it didn't effect us much...it may however have effected him that we weren't here when he arrived (he did know we were going to friendlys I let him know that we were going because the wait from 5 on for him to come home gets to be too long for the kiddos he understood)
so anyway..we got home h went down to the playroom with the kiddos..son wanted to open his remote control truck...h started to put it together but was getting frustrated with sons excitement..I went down and took care of the truck and suggested they play with the football so they did..h heated up his own dinner (I had to tell him how as our microwave is in need of repair and isn't working) I then put dd to bed and then put myself on the couch...
h ate..took shower with son...and then came down to the couch...and well fell asleep...I watched some tv...cleaned the dishes...made his lunch (he had simply added some more pineapple to the bag and left it in the fridge (not much of a lunch) so I added some of the zuccini caserole I had made and a granola bar a soda and a crossaint...said to h the fairy came...and old joke with us about the ice tea..h would never make more would just leave just enough...so I'd say the ice tea fairy came...h laughed a sleepy laugh..eventually I went up to bed myself leaving him on the couch...around 3 am h came up..shortly after h came up son made a trip to the potty (we've just gotten rid of his night time use of pull ups this was night 2) it was cute to hear him russtle his way to the bathroom and then hear him piddle then put the hall light on and back to bed...
anyway..this morning shortly after 7 the phone rings...it's h...thank you for making my lunch...I know you were tired...it was a nice surprize to find it full...then h talks about hearing sons trip to the potty during the night...
we'll see what the day brings..but again I hold no hope for much change in things.
LL -- nice to hear about the good stuff from h. this AM (phone call thanking you for lunch, etc).
Quoting lostlove: thanks for the idea but h is from the "no matter what I do it's just not enough" school of thought currently...and therefore giving him a written list (since he's just not hearing the verbal one) would simply further tell him that he's just not good enough..
what a pickle I find myself in..
I am not good enough for him that he would MAKE the time for me...
and H is not good enough for me becuase I want him to make the time and he does (or can) NOT...
I mentioned this a few times yesterday...I'll do it again and then probably stop
Have you considered applying a systematic approach and DB'ing the heck out of this situation???? What you're doing doesn't seem to be working...what could you be doing differently?
I know that you are tired and probably tired of working on this...I just get the sense from your posts that you guys are locked in a deadlock that may just need "something different" to break it up. What if you acted "as if" every hour that h spends working was a deposit in your love tank -- because perhaps to him, trying to make himself a success IS a sign of loving you (I say "perhaps" because I obviously don't know).
I'll reassert my suggestion that you get "Men are from Mars..." -- your "quote" about h (nothing i do is enough) is almost verbatim from the book. What if you went out of your way to thank him for the things that he IS doing?
I probably don't need to say this but I'll say it anyway...I'm not judging what you're doing or wanting or needing as wrong. You know that, right? It would be awesome if h came home tonight and gave you everything that you've been hoping for (and perhaps the phone call is the beginning!). I'm just wondering if shaking things up by doing some 180s wouldn't help....
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
You hold no hope,come on look at what you just typed.H called you and thanked you and even talked about family stuff.He is trying,I don't want to sound mean but it is a choice to let go of our feelings and to forgive.ou did something nice and he thanked you that is part of a caring R on both sides.You have it so much better than most of us.I know it is tough because we always want more than we are getting.Stay cool you are there and H is there.
