Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again After 3 long years, H is home - II

H came in right before I logged off and saw the site. He asked what kind of site it was. Then he said while grabbing a pen, "Let me write it down for you.....You and I do NOT get along.....It will NOT work no matter what you try."

I am just so......fed up. I can't do this anymore. I want to be happy in a healthy, loving R. I want to feel loved and be loved by someone who wants the same, and wants it from me. I can't hold on anymore. There's nothing here.

((((((GF)))))))

I hope you get some sleep tonight.

Things often look better in the morning. The first six months living together are the hardest. Things may turn around.

But you have tried. And no one could possibly ask more of you, especially yourself.

I'm not sure where his angry outburst came from, but why move back home if he didn't think there was a chance? His actions aren't matching his words, yet again.

This all stemmed from an R talk where I told him how I felt about him choosing to go into work today when he didn't have to. He asked me if I was alright with it, and I said, "Honestly, I am not, but if it's what you want, then ok. I understand. I would prefer you to stay home and do something with me, but if you would prefer not to, then alright." Then he got p*ssed and started going off about how he doesn't want to work but feels he has to because "bills need to be paid, gas needs to be put in your car, the kids need clothes, you have to be able to go out of town to visit your sisters, so there goes more money for gas......" It just goes on and on.

He said he moved back in because he hoped it would work, but he's convinced that it won't because all he gets from me is BS. Me talking to him about spending QT together is BS. Me talking about the importance of family time and always being sure to nurture the R between the two of us is BS. The fact that I don't trust him is BS. The fact that I feel he should meet me halfway in this R is BS. Actually, it's not, he said. But he didn't say or do anything to imply that he would try harder.

I am just so emotionally drained from all of this, in no mood to 'get along'. I don't want to fight. I just want to be left alone, but he couldn't even do that. He has been poking and prodding me all evening because it's his way of trying to get me to lighten up. "We have kids together, so no matter what happens, we still should try to get along." I agree, but my idea of getting along doesn't involve you sticking your feet in my face or obstructing my path when I'm trying to go to another room. He laughs at it all, like it's some big f***ing joke. I do not get it. What kind of sick pleasure does he get out of annoying me like this?

Gonna try to get some sleep. H is in S12's room sleeping on the floor. He chose to do that on his own.

G'night all.

(((((((GF)))))))
No wonder you wanted the drink over on Michelle's thread!

((((((GF))))))

So sorry to hear all of this GF. I hope things are better after a good night's sleep.

This is so beyond rude. I am sorry he feels the need to act this way towards you.

It is fair for you to feel this way, i do too and you have been working at it so long.

(((((GF)))))
I am so sorry GF. I hope you are feeling better this morning. If it does go to D, nobody can say you didn't try. You gave it your all, but you deserve things in return too. Your feelings are perfectly understandable.

Wow. He's being so immature. (((GF)))

((((((((((Thank you, everyone))))))))))

Things were still tense this morning, and with H's body being sore from sleeping on S12's bedroom floor last night, it only added to this turmoil.

SIL was here this morning to pick up Niece. She slept on the couch for about an hour before waking back up and getting Niece ready for preschool. Anyway, H was on her case and being rude to her, too. All because she didn't want to talk about what's going on with her upcoming D. H is p*ssed because SIL's STBX-H doesn't have to give her anything (SIL earns far more than her STBX-H does and this is the agreement that they have made) whereas should H and I split up, he has to give me half of everything. "It's such BS! F*** this liberal a$$ state! It's so unfair!" WHATEVER, H. Our sitch is ENTIRELY different than theirs, and yes, I understand how he must feel that it sucks for him, but it IS fair.

I often wonder if he thought it was fair of him to go out and have an A, then walk out on his family in the middle of the night. I wonder if he thinks it's fair to talk to me the way that he does and to sometimes behave the way that he does. My guess is he probably does feel justified in this because I made him do it. I control his reactions. Ummmmmm, yeah.

Anyway, SIL was getting pretty irritated with him herself and mumbled to me before she left, "I don't know how you deal with him. I don't blame you if it doesn't work." It's kind of sad, but it also makes me feel better knowing that it's not just me who feels he is impossible.

After picking them up from school yesterday, I had a talk with my two older sons (S12 and S8). I felt a strong need to discuss what was going on with me and their father. I wanted them to know the whole story. I believe they are old enough now to understand. Back when H left, they were only 9 and 5. S12 might have been able to understand back then, but S8 wouldn't have, I don't think. If the time ever came when I wanted to talk to them about what happened, I wanted it to be when I knew they both would be ready.

It was tough. Not just in telling them, but it hurt to hear what they had to say and what they were feeling. My babies are hurting more than I thought.

I will be back later to post more about my talk with them. Children know a LOT more than we think they do.

(((((Thanks again, all)))))