Thanks Kat, jeff, cbk, and h4h.....I need you more than ever. I need to be reminded of the "other side" and you are the best to remind me. Keep trying to be gentle with me, I know this is hard because I'm saying things that you don't understand because you can't feel my pain and you see how destructive what I did was. I'm still going through withdrawels. Let's continue to learn from one another. I can be the window to your spouse's thoughts, and you can be the window to my H's.
Jeff-yep, 3 involved, 3 is a crowd...I've picked my H and going to stick with it...going to need help with feelings about OM once in a while and not feeding into it because I can't talk to H about it. I've hurt him enough. This limbo you talk about is horrible, for your spouse, too. She wants to leave, to be happy, to stop the pain she is causing you and herself, and yet...she stays....why? Because she WANTS to be home, she WANTS to be happy with you. You both should get that "After the Affair" book because it really does look at both sides and what both sides are feeling. She is immobilized right now. I know you are having a hard time being faithful, my H said he did, too. What stopped him, he said, was how I would react (he laughs about that now ), and how he didn't want to deal with two people's feelings...too messy he said. He poured himself into his work and our son and his "routine". Looking back, had he had an affair and I found out I would think to myself, "seeeee he really doesn't love me", "he will be happier without me", and "we are just not meant to be together". It doesn't make sense, but that is what I would have said because my mind is/was all fogged out. I will keep reading your post and responding- I always check yours, h4h, and cbk's because I feel like you can help me the most and maybe I can help you.
CBK, you are right. That was a huge hurdle and I'm so happy I made the right decision. I would be regretting it today if I didn't. You are all my accountability partners and my support crew. I don't really have that here at home. I wouldn't have had to tell you my dilemma yesterday, but I needed help. Thanks.
h4h, your chasm metaphor is spot on. I don't want to risk my chance with my family and I'm not going to. I'm going to be strong. Thanks for the post.
Proud of you, WDID. I know I gave you a terse "looks like you have a decision to make," but I sensed your resolve earlier in the week and knew you'd do the right thing.
), and how he didn't want to deal with two people's feelings...too messy he said. He poured himself into his work and our son and his "routine". Looking back, had he had an affair and I found out I would think to myself, "seeeee he really doesn't love me", "he will be happier without me", and "we are just not meant to be together". It doesn't make sense, but that is what I would have said because my mind is/was all fogged out. I will keep reading your post and responding- I always check yours, h4h, and cbk's because I feel like you can help me the most and maybe I can help you.