Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Drowning still - 23 years, feel like I am sinking

I took off, thank God I have an air card.

I went to the local church - I have always said, I am spiritual, I don't go to chuch all the time, but I do believe. I am sitting here in so much pain - I am at a loss. I feel no hope, only despair - you are right, I am not detached, I am having a hard time - I get that - but I do't think I can do this another night.

I HATE THIS - I am desperate - I don't know what to do. I feel like crawling under a rock somewhere and just hiding. How can this woman I have loved for so long feel this way? I don't get it. She just wants out. God I need help

Father, I ask you to shield CBK and his children from this pain. Heal his heart like only you can. Strengthen him. Give CBK your wisdom, compassion, mercy.

Father, we ask you to break his wife's heart wide open. Take her heart of stone and give her a heart like hers. Let her see the treasure she has in CBK and her children. Let her see the beauty there.

We thank you that he's with us, that he's reaching out. That he IS wise.

Thank you for these friends here on the board that care.

Father, thank you for your peace. We love you.

sg

CBK,

You are right where God wants you....on your knees.

Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that you show him the man YOU intended him to be when you created him! Show him the power he has in YOUR name to fight this battle. Show him the way to gain control...by LETTING GO! Dear Lord, comfort him in this time of need.....Give him a peace that "surpasses all understanding".

CBK, our God can calm ANY storm! Lean on him! I remember hearing Joyce Meyer say that God will not heal your marriage until it is clear that it didn't get healed by YOU! In other words, when you are so totally submitted to Him that He will clearly get all the glory...THAT is when you will see it turn. Why don't you quit trying to be the FIXER...the SOLVER..the TROUBLESHOOTER! Give it to the one true God who CAN fix it!

I need to go dark for awhile. I am not doing well. will try to come on later. I am home, I am not going to hurt myself. I just need to think.

ok

Goodnight, CBK! It is midnight out here on the East Coast!

Please don't talk to your W tonight...don't snoop...

Please get a good night's rest. You can't undo your backsliding...you only control what YOU do from this point forward. Make it count!

CBK,

I have said a prayer for you. Trust in God, and lean not to your own understanding. There is wisdom in many counselors. Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established.

You don't have to do ANYTHING tonite. You don't even have to do anything tomorrow. Rest and pray, and I believe that you will know what to do.

Peace.

Puppy

Well, what an interesting night. Thank God for this board and one of my friends (a Rector from an Episcopal Church) was available. Basically talked me off the ledge of totally blowing up and kicking WAW out on her arse. Talk about getting away from my goal...

To the posters, thank you, thank you, thank you. I needed to vent. Now I need to learn to detach, completely from WAW. I keep reading a piece Faithful gave me a while back on detachment - I read this over and over and am still confused. So will talk to IC about this as well as my DB coach. My friend asked how I was going to do this while in the same house, I don't know yet, I have to understand it first... I am living with an alien right now - my friend also asked about her having a MLC - I don't know, not even sure if I should go down this road. As Faithful said, stop trying to be the fixer...

I am calm right now, a certain peace has come over me, I am hopeful it is the prayers I have been receiving - again, thank you.

I just walked down the hallway and told kids goodnight, W was in the bathroom - she just went to bed, no goodnights to anybody... interesting.

I need to be strong for my kids, even at their age. They can sense what is going on, they have been so good to me, I see my strength in them, and I need to step up and show them teh strength back. I love my kids and I see so much of me in them. Good and bad. I see a lot of W in them as well.

I will be doing a lot of thinking over the next few days - trying my best to figure this stuff out. How to detach, what does this mean - need to re-read this in DR and look at the stuff faithful sent me.

To any other posters that are reading this - if you have learned only one thing from me tonight - DON'T SNOOP - I was doing so well, this set me back, personally, a long way. I did not confront W, so I don't think I backslid too much tonight as I was pretty darn good most of the night with our conversation. I will now have to figure out if I want to go to this BBQ this weekend with her at a mutual friends house. I did commit to this today...

Lastly, I do feel the need to protect myself and will seek out a L this week. I need to know what mine fields I am walking through. I will probably tell W after the fact, as I said (and she did) that if I sought out an L, I would let her know. Why I feel the need to play fair, I have no idea.

Anyway - God will grant me rest tonight, I need all my strength to get through the day.

Peace,

CBK

good job

Thanks - I think. :-) A little sense of humor...