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I feel ok (today) He thinks he can spend whatever he wants...I think. Basically I think he thinks that if I don't know what he spending money on it'll be easier on HIM!!! DAM

Jen

HI Jen!

You DO sound good.

Look what I found:

Five Steps to a Great Attitude

1. STEP ONE

Get a clear picture in your mind right now of the results you want to achieve? What dreams do you want to fulfil? How do you want your life to look? "The result/dream I want to achieve is: "

2. STEP TWO

Once you have the picture in your mind, ask yourself: What is my present attitude about achieving this? What attitude would I rather have about this result?
3. STEP THREE

Try on this new attitude. Wear it for a while and see how it "fits." Is it helping to deliver the changes you want?
4. STEP FOUR

Review the change in you and your circumstances. Do you need to change your attitude or add another attitude?
5. STEP FIVE

Commit to your new attitude, follow through. Keep choosing your attitude everyday and you will be choosing a future that works for you.

Jen, has your H usually done the finances? Or did you? If H usually did them, I think researching phone plans that work better for you both financially would be a good 180 and you'd be protecting your family's assets at the same time.

Thanks Stella for the steps!

CW I usually paid all the bills. Now he wants to do that. Funny though because today I paid the salaries of teachers that work for us and the light bill. He says he wants to do such and such but then asks me to do it. LOL!!

I've dropped the topic of the phone bill. He can do whatever he wants. I don't care about all that.

Jen

H was just here. He says the D papers are ready to be signed. He'll get me a copy to read first. We have to go next week.

I'm not really as upset as I would have been last month. He's said that he needs this and that we have a chance to make things right with the D. Not sure what that means.

My T was talking about the Parent(P) Adult(A) Child(C) model of Transactional Analysis today. Basically my Child is the one doing the acting for me and I need to let my Adult play a bigger part in my life. The Adult is rational and the processor of information. When we let our Child show we act a children (we cry, act out, whine) and thats not a good way to let ourselves be.

In a nut shell I have to learn to let my Adult play a bigger role in my thoughts, feelings and actions. I guess now is as good a time as any to move in that direction.

Jen

As much as I think a lot of therapy talk is hoo ha, this does make sense. It's a kind way of telling us that we have to act like adult no matter what comes our way and it's good advice. I'm going to sit on your T's advice.

Look at the progress you are making. You are definitely detaching. Keep up the positive attitude!

What your T said makes sense. You're lucky to have found a T you are comfortable with.

Hi Jen,

Glad D is back. I know you must have missed her like crazy!

What your C said does make a lot of sense... I don't know about you but there are many instances where I can act like the adult like I am.. but when the trust is broken with your partner it's hard to hold back the child... Thankfully DBing helps us to focus on not reacting.. walking away before saying something we'll regret.

You sound really good!

Hugs,
W2G

Thanks. I do better when H isn't around too much. If he comes by it's more difficult. I'm working on detaching even when he is here.

I missed her horribly. She lost another tooth today. She's now missing the top two and looks like a little old lady

Jen

W2G

The child is where we turn to have fun also, the adult is the part that thinks about the situation and then decides if the child can come out to play so to speak. The parent is the part of us where our prejudices lie, it's the stern part of us and also the most inflexible. Basically all 3 can play a role in a healthy psyche but the adult decides.

For example we go to a party. The adult says "hey lets have fun" and then we have a couple drinks. But then the adult notices that we've gotten a little sloppy so the adult reins in the child a little. The adult keeps everything in check.

The adult is the part that acesses a situation by using pros and cons.

Sorry not meant to be a class in Transactional Anaysis. LOL

Jen