Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy I think she's back

Good for you - both for having a plan and for venting on here.

((((((Sara))))))

H didn't come home last night until 2am. And I totally messed up by TM him many times. I am at a loss for words, really. Coming home at 2am is not acceptable in my eyes.

The only thing I really can think of is that H starts his nursing classes on May 19. He will have class M-Thurs. until 10pm each night. Once that starts up, it will be much easier on me to go dark. In the meantime I am going to attempt once again to go as dark as I can. I really don't want to talk to him anymore anyway. I have nothing more to say to him.

I got all of my strength and call an attorney to make an appointment. Guess what? She isn't in today. Uh. I might not have the guts to do it again later. I have social anxiety and my issue is talking on the phone. So besides the fact that I am scared of going to see a lawyer I am also scared of talking on the phone.

H TMed me saying that he loves me and he is wanting to work on things. Talk is cheap anymore. If you are wanting to work on things and love me, then why do you stay out all night? I don't understand.

And if he is just going to flit around from one woman to the next, what is the point of keeping me around? Besides to pay his car payment, I guess.

I am angry. I feel like I totally set myself up for failure in this. I am too nice. I am too nice to everyone and allow people to walk all over me. I just never thought that my own husband would be the one taking such advantage of me.

Good job on calling. Too bad she wasn't in, but it's still a good step for you to take.

His TMs show that he obviously realizes that you don't think his behavior is acceptable, but I think he is showing that unless you set stronger boundaries he will continue to operate on the policy that it is easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

I'm fuzzy about the car payment thing - are you saying if you guys were supporting two households he wouldn't be able to afford the car payment or that you are actually paying for it for him? If the latter, what would you do if you got D - sell it? Put it in his name? Finally, is there a way you could do that now so that he is responsible for it and your name is not on it?

If we were running 2 households, he would not be able to afford the car payment. He drives the car everywhere....and I am sure what other women in his life ride in that car. However, I make the payment on it each month. Both of our names are on it. It will be payed off in 2009. If we got divorced, I would let him have the car in his name and he would be responsible for it. I have my wonderful 1995 Escort that I am never going to part with (alright...eventually I will have to, but my car is awesome and is in great condition!) I only make the payments on that car each month because my name is also on it. And he has proven with his student loan and things that he isn't responsible enough to pay his own bills.

I am just really angry today and need some cool off time before I do anything. I will take today as a breather and try the lawyer again tomorrow. I hope I can make it clear that I am just wanting some information and am not wanting to continue with divorce.

Sara

This happened to me too, and I left a message for her to contact me plus she got a faxed referral from my work. That was 2 weeks ago yesterday and she never called back. Now I am not sure that I chickened out but I called at a point I was all uptight about something and now things have mellowed again, they don't seem to be progressing but I haven't got up the nerve to call back again since there have been no defining points (outside of the last 4 months in their entirety)to get me over that hump to call again. The other thing is I want to be certain this is what I want to do when I do get her becuase 1/2 hour one time is free I want to not have to change my mond and spend more $.

I hear you there neecy22! The lady I talked to was $25 an hour for the first session. But after that, prices go WAY up. I couldn't find a free person in my area, but then I only called 3-4 places. This is who my aunt used when she got divorced and she was the cheapest to begin with.

Maybe this is wrong, but I want to go to the atterny to show my H that I am serious. That I mean what I say. However, just between us here, I don't want to commit to anything.

I am so scared that I will go in there and just start to bawl and not be able to say anything. I had to fight a huge lump in my throat when I was asked "what is this about?" and I had to say divorce.

I am going to wait this out and see what I think after the weekend. I know that going to get information isn't making any decisions, but still I want to be sure this is what I really want before I jump into it.

One of my good friend's parents had problems a few years ago. Her mom finally made appointments at both a MC and a L. She went to the dad and said, you choose, where are we going. It was a HUGE wake-up for him, and they did not get D. When he realized she was serious, he woke up from his complacency.

That said, getting info is good. And just talking to a L may make your H sit up and take notice. If not, you will be protected.

Look out for yourself here.

(((Sara)))

Star,
Look for lawyers/firms that have websites with a way to contact them or list contact info that includes an email. I've contacted a couple of lawyers that way recently. You an email or complete a form that is on their website, then they can contact YOU. Beware, not all of them will respond. I contacted 6 lawyers/firms recently for another legal sitch (not D) and only heard back from 2.

Joie

I totally agree with Michelle. I DB'ed too much this summer, and I believe it might have harmed my chances. I set no boundaries (I was afraid he would cross them, and didn't want to LRT, now I see I should have) and even after H confessed OW to me, he continued to see her for quite some time. Horrible time in my life.

Make that call again. You can do it.