Are you recomending that I don't post? I have considered it already.
This whole time, I have not put blame on her for what has happened. I have not badmouthed her in anyway. (at least not intentionally that I have been aware of) I have not asked anyone posting in this thread to look her up or get involved in that.
What I have said, is I Know what I am suppose to do. I know why. But I am having trouble making my heart give up the fight. That is my strtuggle here.
I never looked for validation in what I did for her. I did it because I wanted to do them. And if need be, I will survive being alone once again. But I miss her dearly and it still hurts. When we fall in love are we not suppose to love unconditional"? With all of our hearts...not halfassing our way through a relationship? Well, I gave my whole heart. So now I don't feel like I have my heart back.
I know this will hurt but it feels like you are needless hurting here
#1...of course there are conditions on love...you hurt my kids...gone...you violate me or cross clear boundaries...you are gone
loving unconditionally is what we do for our children
it sounds like you were doing what you were doing to get love back and that isn't nothing
I get that this is your struggle but there is something fishy sounding here... perhaps it is the fact that I was "followed" by the guy I dated...perhaps it is because there are things that just don't ring true
post away ask away
you will never move beyond this if you don't realize that she clearly wasn't the one for you
if you don't look at it as maybe being somehting that was good for its run but that its run is over
and
I understand you are a fireman how long have you been on the job?
I know lots of fireman and I asked about the way you describe things because I have to tell you...it doesn't seem right to me
perhaps this is because I am a little leery about the guy I dated following me around here maybe it is something else
but i have to say that no fireman I know thinks of anything but the fire when they are in it
and all these things together give me a sort of a skeptical view of what you are writing
i never suggested you bad mouthed the person you were saying nor would I ever suggest doing so there is a truth that feels missing
I was going to write, but I think not. Best of luck to you tk in getting this ex-gf out of your heart. She must have been pretty amazing since you feel this strongly after 7 months of absolutely no contact. I'd suggest you do the things you would do when any important relationship ends...grieve it, but work to keep your life moving forward.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
I think in my hurry to write my last post that some things may have been taken as directed to you as you were the person on top of the post.
Sorry about that.
I have been a firefighter 10 yrs. Yes, when you are on the job, you think about what you need to do to get it done. That is a fact. What I am saying, is when the visibility goes to zero, and you can't see a thing, it is her face and the faces of her childen I see. I have found that to be something that helps keep me calm while I move forward. You listen for the fire. You feel the heat from the fire, that is usually how you find them. It is rare you have visibility in a fire. I don't stop moving or stop using my senses, I just picture the girls. I hope that makes more sense.
Think of it like this, have you ever seen someone with a bad cut or seen a bad accident? And when you close your eyes, that is what you see? For me, when it gets pitch black, it is her and her girls I see. I also think about them as I am putting my gear on.
I wasn't giving love to get love back. I thought we were both giving because it was something we both wanted to do. But yes, I did feel I was getting love back.
You wrote: #1...of course there are conditions on love...you hurt my kids...gone...you violate me or cross clear boundaries...you are gone
I agree with what you have written. What I was refering to is your everyday grinding out, working through problems (not coke or abusiveness or things like that) JUST YOUR EVERYDAY PROBLEMS Things like: Your spose had a bad day and is cranky. Or you had a bad day and are cranky. Or you are frustrated because the kids are driving you nuts kinda stuff. Having understanding and not taking it personally.
And you are also right...I wasn't the one for her or so it would seem. I've said, my head is aware of that but the heart felt different.
I am so very sorry to hear this. And I truly understand how difficult this is. I lost my own mom to cancer just under 3 years ago. I still can't believe it.
Ask the drs lots of questions. Get all the help you can get. Be a doer. If, like mom, there is no cure - make her as comfortable as possible and be there - you will never regret doing as much as you can.
And I know this is probably a weird thing to bring up but your thread title "gets me". You see "Dear" was my maiden name and my first name started with "B"!!! So the way the title reads is my name as it appeared on lists in school. Hits me very strange!
