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Mike, you are making progress although you don't see it and your W is not acknowledging it. I don't know why she would want you not to put the car seat in the car for her unless she has something in the car she don't want you to see or she feels you will snoop to find something. During this time, I think this may make more sense than her just not wanting any help from you.

She has stopped calling you hun, have you stopped calling her what you use to call her before this happened? If not, then stop ASAP, that is pressure.

As far as your weight loss goes, man you have lost to much, 197 at 6'5", get yourself back to eating, have you been taking anything to help you sleep, I actually found that Tylenol PM worked much better than what my Dr. prescribed for me. I believe my first 2-3 months during this process I dropped around 20-25lbs, but have since put some back on as I am sleeping better at night and my appetite is coming back.

Hang in there Mike, I know it has to be very tough for you right now as you are still living with your W, believe it or not, this is a plus on your side that many of us on this site would like to have. Continue to make your changes, she will notice but don't count on her to tell you any of this.

M,
I am a little confused. What kind of a meeting goes until 10:30 pm? Doesn't that sound a little strange to you? She does work days right? I can't remember any business meetings that I have ever had that last that late. What is up with that? Has this been the norm in her job? I don't want to beat you up on this, but don't you agree this is highly unusual?

Also, taking the seat in the house seems odd. Do you think she thinks you are snooping in her car? Think M.. WHY would someone make it a POINT for you to bring it inside? You say that she acts like she doesn't want you to do anything for her, but isn't taking the car seat inside DOING something for her? If she didn't want you to do anything for her, then why wouldn't she tell you to leave it in your car and she will take care of it herself?


M, I would hope you don't get angry or offended at these questions, but as I sit back and watch and listen to what you write and say about things she is doing, they just don't add up to me. Do they to you? You are emotionally invested in this and I am not. Do you think these things are normal or just a coincidence?

Stay observant. Something seems odd to me here. Things are not adding up....

YOU? What do you think? Does any of this make sense?

GL, I knew that would confuse you. YOU ARE NOT BEATING ME UP, you are not offending me in any way. I am watching like a hawk. My W works for the American cancer Society. yes, she works days. Every once in a while she has to go to Nashville, once about every 4 months all the directors have to meet in Nashville. When she first started the job she would do overnights to nashville, when the D came along she did not want to do overnights anymore so she started driving down and back in a day. She left at 5:45 yesterday morning, arrived in Knoxville 1.5 hours later, got in the car with her boss (a woman) then drove on to nashville with her boss, had the meeting. nashville is 5 hours from us but there is a time difference of -1 hour. After the meeting she called me from the car as they were leaving Nashville, I could hear her boss talking in the background during our conversation. I saw the emails between her boss and her with directions on where to meet..etc. This is not unusual for her to do this, she has done this since she has had the job. The timeline adds up.

She just started acting like she does not want me to do anything for her since I started acting "as if" I was OK. It's like she's practicing being on her own, doing for herself. Last time we had to move the car seat, she did it herself, she did not leave a note asking me to do it..she did it herself.

I don't know why she left the note last night. There's nothing in her car to find. her note said "M, could you bring car seat inside? Thanks K" I moved it into her car from my caqr. If she does not want me in her car then why not hide her cars keys where I can't get to them? She could have taken her pocketbook into her bedroom with her keys and she knows I won't go in there and wake her to find her keys. I don't have keys to her car.

Believe me GL, I am not just explaining these things away. I am watching. If something is going on then she is very good at hiding it.

You keep posting on my thread GL. I need you. You do not offend me.

I'm sleeping OK. I'm trying to eat more. You can see my response to GL below about the car./carseat..

I don't call her hun or show her any affection. I stopped about 2-3 weeks ago.

I drove her car on Saturday to take my D to the music festival..if she did not want me in her car then why let me drive it??

The weight loss has me hitting the golf ball better I can tell you that..

M - hope you are doing okay.

My W does the exact same thing about me helping her. She won't ask for anything I used to do - like you said, practicing to be alone. Last night I put my hand out to help her out of her chair, been doing that for years - she stated "I can do this on my own" or something to that affect. She is detaching from the relationship in my viewpoint. With this being said, at least it gives us a baseline of when we do get a baby step. My W is still in the house - and it is TOUGH my brother. As my posters tell me, give her the space she needs, we need to detach.

As far as weight loss - I lost 30lbs in 4 weeks, have now lost 36 lbs. I am only a little over 6'2". I rarely eat. Get some protein drinks at the store or some protein bars. You need your physical strength as well as your mental strength if you are going to fight this battel and make yourself a better you. I think since March 17th, I have only eaten 4 complete dinners, last night, I actually had a mac and cheese (good old Trader Joes). But I am where you are, it is not that we are choosing not to eat, nothing tastes or sounds good. I have been using dinner time with W and kids as an opportunity to try and eat. I eat very little, but just having conversation is a good thing.

Take care,

CBK

She may just not want you in her car b/c you may find something that she doesn't want you to see (re the carseat thing) -- that was my first thought -- not that she doesn't want you doing things for her.

Is she having an A that you know of? I would say she probably is.

CBK..I changed the way I was eating back in Oct. 07. I went on The ABS diet to lose some weight I had gained around my mid section and started working out. I'm eating 6 times a day but have cut out a lot of bad things. My diet is pretty high protein now. lots of fish, chicken and turkey and veggies. not many potato's, not many fried foods. I'm trying to up my cal. intake. I wanted to get to about 205 and hold but it looks like the stress of the sitch may be making me lose a little more than I want. I don't feel like I have lost my appetite. I'm not skipping meals..

it probably would not be on my mind as much if people around me did not comment about it..a lot of people are looking at me sort of surprised and concerned about the lost weight.

No evidance of an A that I can find. I've searched high, low, far and wide. No changes in her schedule, no new undies, no new hair style or appearance, no new clothes. her schedule is pretty fixed, she is always where she says she is. Nothing on credit cards, cell phone or computer. No unexplained phone calls, does not keep her cell phone with her at all. no hang ups or unknown numbers coming into the house. No men work at her office. If she is I can find no evidence.

I'd stop looking as that part for you sounds ok, but obviously keep em peeled.

I'm pretty sure anyone in an A, will slip at some point, it's innevitable.

M - It sounds like you have done your homework on the A. I was totally clueless W as having an A for so long. She was losing weight and buying new clothes, thought she was doing this all for herself as she was coming out of a stint with depression. No new undies or things like that. She was so secretive, if it wasn't so wrong, I would say I was impressed! :-) The one thing I didn't have was cell phone bills, if I would have seen those, I would have figured something out. Our R was going bad before the A, A helped it to where it is now. If there is not evidence, then you mind should be somewhat at ease.

Interesting about your weight! I wish I could eat 6 times a day! I get a lot of comments on my weight loss. I just tell people I am eating differently!!! Works for me.

Take care.