Bizarre, ND, Kerry, Tomato, Ali, and Kalni - Don't worry about my reading too much into the migraine and getting my hopes up too high. I was merely wishful thinking on my part knowing I can't waste time dreaming about OM being revealed or W feeling guilt. Again, I was just daydreaming for a bit and enjoying the visions. I'm grounded and ready for the next wave of her attacks, but it was nice to dream for a bit.
Thank you all for your support and encouragement. I agree w/ you, Bizarre, Ali, and Kalni, that it does say something that she reached for me when she needed help. Somewhere, deep down, she knows I'm not the monster she is making me out to be to help justify her story. I also hope the ice is thawing a bit, but as Kerry, Ali, and Kalni warned, I won't get too high but just look at the little steps and keep on my current course.
My DR coach (Jody who is worth every cent I'm paying even though I'm stretched out financially) has me working on ignoring the positives (which I'm much better at doing now) and making sure I reply to her positives and when she is nice (which I did yesterday and today -- more on that later).
Ali, I'm glad you think the lint picking is a small baby step for me to tuck away. I'm sure it was unconscious, but it was affectionate on a small level. Also, Ali, I like your idea about talking to her about the phone calls. I'll work on how best to address this one.
Finally, SPM, my man! You are back and I'm so glad you stopped back by. I think my ability to be patient has improved greatly in the past month or so and I am more confident in dealing w/ W's moods than before. It is getting easier, and I'm still trying to be the man. I'm so glad to get your feedback and encouragement again.
Thank you all for your support. I truly treasure all that you have to offer and only wish I'd found this little community sooner.
I'll give an update in my next post from last night and today.
W and I exchanged texts about her health and I was always sympathetic and offering to help. She sincerely thanked me several times and told me to tell D she loved her and was sorry she wasn't able to get her.
I took D to my therapy appointment as I couldn't cancel it, so the session was pretty simple and my T got to see my interactions w/ D which is good in case the parenting evaluator needs it.
D and I also went out to dinner and had good Italian food. W and I had some light-hearted texts during dinner that were showing some thaw in the ice, but again, not looking too much into it for good reason. D and I went home, gave the dogs a bath, then bathed D, and watched the first 1/2 of her new Barbie princess movie. W had called while we were in the tub, so we called her a bit late at 7:45 and D left a message for W. I sent W a text to be sure she got the message and she called right back and talked to D for 3 1/2 minutes.
After talking w/ D, W texted me thanking me for taking D and I replied telling her I hope she feels better and to get some rest. I think it works that I respond to her positive interactions and ignore all the negatives. That may be what is causing this very, very slow movement and slight anger decrease from W.
Anyway, I dropped off D this morning and got a text from W saying she felt awful and was laying on the floor in her office. I replied telling her I'd take D again if she wanted to get some rest and her reply was "I don't know what to do."
I sent another text telling her to let me know how I can help and asked if I needed to take her to the hospital. Around 11 I sent a text to check on her and offered to take D to her if it would help her out. She replied to me at 1:30 saying she had slept on her office floor for 4 hours and was going to get D. She also thanked me again.
I replied offering to meet her 1/2 w/ D if it would make things easier, but she had already picked D up. I told her I'd call at 7:30 tonight and she thanked me again for helping out.
So, that is where we stand right now. I'm not sure if this will last or if it will return to anger like Kalni said. Either way, I'll enjoy the moment of peace and continue on w/ as limited of expectations as I can muster. I'm pretty sure this won't last, so I'll keep moving forward and not let my guard down too low until she proves she can and will be consistently nice over an extended period of time.
RTL - Kindness and concern for your W will hopefully sink in over time.
I think I have seen and heard most of the Barbie movies...Mariposa, Fairytopia, 12 Dancing Princesses, Swan Lake, Island Princess, and Rapunzel. S7 likes the theme song by Felix Mendelssohn in the dancing princesses and plays it on his piano. I dont know if it is a special talent, but lately, he seems to have picked up a cool habit where he can hear something new and then play it on the piano.
I never said it WILL go back to anger. I said keep a close eye for consistency before you relax with her again. You have a lot in stake re your D and I would be very cautious before I would let my guard down. Your approach so far, to me, looks as good as it can be. Calm, controlled and nice. K
You were so right. It didn't take too long as W sent this text just a few minutes ago:
Quote:
I am shocked you bought her a BRATZ doll. I thought we both agreed they looked slutty and were inappropriate.
It had to end, didn't it?
I'm thinking of sending the following reply and I'm curious to know what you all think:
Quote:
I got your text on the BRATZ doll. I don't remember having that conversation about the doll. Thank you for letting me know how you feel and she will not be getting any more BRATZ dolls from me in the future.
How does that sound? Is it affirming and answering her concern w/out starting a fight and being defensive?
I really don't recall any conversation about the dolls. I'm not a big fan of them, but that is what D kept talking about, so I got her one. Had W and I communciated like normal people, this may have come up and thus I wouldn't have purchased one.
Oh, well. I'm not planning on sending anything to her right away, but I'd like to hear what you think about my proposed response.
I just opened a package from my attorney that contained 16 letters which supported W's claim to be the primary custodian of D. The letters are from family members as well as collegues.
The part that upsets me so much is not the character references. I'm totally fine w/ those. The problem is the letters from her parents and the OM that discuss things ranging from how I "forcibly raped" W and how I put a lock on our mailbox so W couldn't read any of the mail.
First of all it is all lies and secondly it is hearsay. W has really laid down a thick web in plotting her story and making herself look like the victim here. How could she ever recover and take these things back? I'm not sure now there is any hope for a DB.
She told her family I "foricbly raped her." How do you back-track from that one? I don't have letters from family b/c I didn't think they would be advisable due to their bias. However, now I think I need to get some written. I'll talk to my L about it tomorrow.
I'm sick. I'm crushed. I'm hurt. I'm pissed off. I don't know what to do right now. I really don't. This stings terribly. Where is the woman I married?
I am glad I checked on you before I went to bed. I am so sorry you are dragged into this. Your wife has given you so many times signs that she is longer to be considered trustworthy and sane (at least currently).
Talk to L and make sure you are no longer playing Mr. Nice. If you want to be able to have a solid R with your D not be dependant on your W, make sure you prepare yourself as good as you can.
I've been through a rough time with H right after our separation, no matter what we told to each other, there were never accusations of this kind. I was VERY mad at him, couldn't bring myself to make lies about him.
I tend to believe OM's letter as well as her family's will be easy to fight back.
Stay calm and do not panic. In war everything is (unfortunately) to be expected.
I would expect that most things that were not seen first hand are not going to hold a lot of water, when the time comes. Your L might have some work to do, but I think in the end, you W is ruining her chances.
RTL' Why would her family say you raped her? How did she get them to believe this when they know you? It is absurd, first child abuse, then rape. I don"t understand about saying she is the main parent, right now she has physical custody so of course she is, even when you were living together.What does that mean? It only becomes an issue when the parents are living apart . Many fathers work longer hours thah their wife but that doesn't mean they shouldn't share custody if they divorce. This stuff about the rape and the mailbox sounds like she came up with it while drinking and convinced people. But at this point, before she bankrupts you with legal fees, maybe you should go to your lawyer and ask how to get it over with. Talk about offering terms and negotiating rather than to continue to fight with lawyers. Ask him to find out what she really wants and what she will do to settle this without continuing to make the lawyers rich. After this maybe you should really have no contact with W, and arrange visitation through the lawyer
RTL, Just protect yourself and make sure not to be alone with W unless there are witnesses. She needs to see their are consequences to making these kinds of accusations. It may be time to stop being Mr Nice guy. It is alarming how she can be decent to you in person and ask you to care for D when she can't yet makes you out to be criminal to everyone else.
