Planning a vacation SHOULD be fun, not an added stress, CL! You never said what YOU would like to do. (If your wife brings up Hawaii again just tell her you'll plan that trip after she stops sleeping elsewhere )
The vacation discussion is difficult to have because my perception is that my W doesn't want to hear about financial realities. She wants what she wants. Perhaps I'm underestimating her willingness to be flexible.
I'm noticing that because of my perception, that I'm being avoidant around the issue. I went to a travel agent and checked into Puerto Vallarta, and Hawaii. Hawaii is expensive and would take a lot of planning to make it affordable. My W doesn't think Puerto Vallarta is a good value.
It seems the ball is in my court and I don't know what to do with it. I don't have a problem spending a week with her, so that's not the issue.
I'm trying to live within our means. I serve as a needed and unwelcome check-and balance.
She had asked me recently if I had any more ideas regarding vacation, and I told her that I didn't. The conversation ended there.
Last year she took a vacation without me. I don't know if she went alone or not (a secret). The R was in a different place then.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
CL, I have had friends who went to those all inclusive resorts in Cancun. They said it was a very nice trip and a very good value. It was like being on a cruise but being on land because all of the accomodations and food was included in the price.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Have you considered giving your W a budget and allowing her to plan her perfect get away? Takes the pressure off of you and she's free to plan whatever she wants for ya'll within reason. Might be an opportunity for her to see first hand why a dream vacation right now is too expensive. Her expectations are high and she should bear the burden of meeting them.
Her expectations are high and she should bear the burden of meeting them.
Sheila
Sheila, Your last sentence sums up the vacation issue. If she wants an expensive vacation, she needs to help me problem-solve around it, and work towards it. She's not pushing for the Hawaii trip at this time.
We'll see how this works out. Maybe an opportunity will present itself.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Matilda, and Piecing Friends, I didn't know it was the Buddha's birthday. How interesting. His is an interesting story. There's a historical fiction short novel called Siddartha about the Buddha's life.
There were positives this weekend. My W and I went dancing twice this weekend. We went to our favorite venue together on Friday night. It was a small crowd, but enough for us to rotate regularly.
On Saturday, we tried another dance studio for the first time. We were nervous going in, but found several of our classmates there. We had a great time, and plan on going back. The dance instructor there spoke highly of my W's dancing skills. My W said that he also said that I look smooth on the dance floor and have talent. My practice is paying off.
Someone there I had just met asked me my W's and mine marital status. I prefer that people I don't know not ask personal questions. I think part of it is that my W and I are currently Piecing things back together, so I'd like to keep my M private for the most part. I'm not sure why an acquaintance would ask personal questions of someone they don't or hardly know. I'm trying to respect my W's wishes to keep her marital status private. My W and I both are respectful of people's privacy, and don't interview people about their lives. Some people are curious, and are not as respectful.
On Sunday, we had our cooking job. I've ended-up doing the tasks my W doesn't like--the more repetitive ones, and monitoring the temperatures. My W does the quality control, and makes sure everthing looks perfect. We've become a great team with this job. She sent me an email today, thanking me for my help.
On Friday night, she modeled her new clothes for me that she had recently purchased (not too expensive, good deals). This was just like old times.
She still makes references that she would like for me to increase my salary to take care of her. I don't say anything when she says it.
I'm working on being less reactive internally, and working-out emotions thru my poetry.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Im'e happy to hear that your weekend went so well. Sounds like some connection happening to me. It is also nice to hear that she is appeciative of your help. These are positives be happy but not expectant. Baby steps....
Have a wonderful day and week, You deserve it.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
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