Mike, hang in there man, there have been 3 different sitch on this board this week where the WAS has called their LBS to come home. All of them made this happen by detaching. There are two in newcomers and one in Seperated. Check out these sitches, they will help you cope with what is going on and give you guidance for what you need to do. You can do this, you must be strong.
Although our sitc' is similar (I don't think there was an A in yours was there?) - I am with you mentally. As you read on my string, I have been everywhere but where I need to be. I keep telling myself to stop being the victim and start GAL - much easier said than done. I have been reading a lot of posts from What Did I Do? - she is a WAW and is trying to mend. But check her posts - they have given me hope - I had none last night.
I am not looking forward to going home tonight, but need to act "as if" - again, everybody makes it sound easy - I have a hard time, but will when I walk in that door. I also keep hearing the words, make me a better me, not only will I benefit, others will as well. I keep repeating that to myself.
I feel like such a hypocrite writing to anybody right now - I have been all over the place - a total basket case. I know how bad I am going to be hurting tonight when I get home, but I can hold those emotions until I get into bed - but until then, I stay strong for me and my kids - if WAW wants to follow, and God I hope she does, then we all benefit.
I hope this helps. I do wish they would allow us to give IM addresses and stuff like that - but keep the faith.
CBK
M=46 W=47 M=24 (together 26) D21, S19 Bomb 3/16/08 OM 3/28/08 WAW moved out 5/16 Divorce final 10/09
Ok, I saw your other post on the other thread where you had asked me to come over here. I'll try to tell you what I was saying about the mom/wife syndrome.
I got pregnant w/ our first child immediately after we got married. I truly wasn't even expecting to get married, let alone have children, so this was a HUGE change for me. Anyway, we ended up having 3 boys in the span of 7yrs. I did not like being pregnant at all. I had absolutely no sex drive while pregnant. So, this all left me not knowing who I was at all. I went from this single, confident, self sufficient chick to being married and being a stay at home mom. I had no idea how to be a mom and a wife. I just had absolutely no idea what had happened to ME!!
I ended up pretty much being miserable to tell you the truth. I took it out on my husband instead of trying to make us an inseparable team and allow us to work together to figure out how to handle all the stress etc. I took him for granted as well b/c divorce was not ever an option for me and I had no idea that it would be for him.
I guess I pretty much was just miserable for years and couldn't figure out what I could do to make myself happy. I didn't have time for just me at all.
I found out when I was on maternity leave w/ our 2nd son that H had cheated on me when 1st son was about 18 months. In the span of about 2 or 3 yrs there, he had cheated on me 3 times. I had always thought "you cheat, you're gone," but how could I just kick him out w/ a 4 yr old & a newborn?
We then had our 3rd a few years later and during our D sitch, he told me he had actually talked to a D lawyer, but then we found out I was pregnant.
Fast forward to a year ago January and he all of a sudden said he wanted a D. I was blind-sided. I realized how much I still loved him, how attracted I still was to him, etc. I worked my a$$ off to show him all of this. He went back & forth a bunch of times, but finally decided he truly loved me and wanted to stay.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I have 'joint' C soon, but similar toothers, I go with the intention of us saving M, whereas I'm pretty sure W will be opposite. I'll post on my own when I know when for some advice.
Ok, I saw your other post on the other thread where you had asked me to come over here. I'll try to tell you what I was saying about the mom/wife syndrome.
I got pregnant w/ our first child immediately after we got married. I truly wasn't even expecting to get married, let alone have children, so this was a HUGE change for me. Anyway, we ended up having 3 boys in the span of 7yrs. I did not like being pregnant at all. I had absolutely no sex drive while pregnant. So, this all left me not knowing who I was at all. I went from this single, confident, self sufficient chick to being married and being a stay at home mom. I had no idea how to be a mom and a wife. I just had absolutely no idea what had happened to ME!!
I ended up pretty much being miserable to tell you the truth. I took it out on my husband instead of trying to make us an inseparable team and allow us to work together to figure out how to handle all the stress etc. I took him for granted as well b/c divorce was not ever an option for me and I had no idea that it would be for him.
I guess I pretty much was just miserable for years and couldn't figure out what I could do to make myself happy. I didn't have time for just me at all.
I found out when I was on maternity leave w/ our 2nd son that H had cheated on me when 1st son was about 18 months. In the span of about 2 or 3 yrs there, he had cheated on me 3 times. I had always thought "you cheat, you're gone," but how could I just kick him out w/ a 4 yr old & a newborn?
We then had our 3rd a few years later and during our D sitch, he told me he had actually talked to a D lawyer, but then we found out I was pregnant.
Fast forward to a year ago January and he all of a sudden said he wanted a D. I was blind-sided. I realized how much I still loved him, how attracted I still was to him, etc. I worked my a$$ off to show him all of this. He went back & forth a bunch of times, but finally decided he truly loved me and wanted to stay.
RHW-I am trying to understand if my W's pregnancy may have helped us get where we are. She was 36 when we M'd. She had our girl at 41. She has had many problems since then. Hormonal issues, hypothyroidism, sick all the time with something. Big weight gain after the baby, said she suffered post par tum depression but never said anything to me or did not get help that I know of. Just wondering if late child birth has any thing to do with it. SHE HAS ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A MOM. She now says, she does not know who she is, she has lost herself....I'm just trying to understand. Thanks for coming over here.
Although our sitc' is similar (I don't think there was an A in yours was there?) - I am with you mentally. As you read on my string, I have been everywhere but where I need to be. I keep telling myself to stop being the victim and start GAL - much easier said than done. I have been reading a lot of posts from What Did I Do? - she is a WAW and is trying to mend. But check her posts - they have given me hope - I had none last night.
I am not looking forward to going home tonight, but need to act "as if" - again, everybody makes it sound easy - I have a hard time, but will when I walk in that door. I also keep hearing the words, make me a better me, not only will I benefit, others will as well. I keep repeating that to myself.
I feel like such a hypocrite writing to anybody right now - I have been all over the place - a total basket case. I know how bad I am going to be hurting tonight when I get home, but I can hold those emotions until I get into bed - but until then, I stay strong for me and my kids - if WAW wants to follow, and God I hope she does, then we all benefit.
I hope this helps. I do wish they would allow us to give IM addresses and stuff like that - but keep the faith.
CBK
I know how you feel CBK..I have had a bunch of good days in a row and about mid day today it started getting to me. I think it is due to my lack of sleep. Man..I am so wanting to have an R talk with her right now..Why is that?? There's no need to..
I have 'joint' C soon, but similar toothers, I go with the intention of us saving M, whereas I'm pretty sure W will be opposite. I'll post on my own when I know when for some advice.
Arthur-Ping gave me a good idea, may not work in your sitch but you should use it if it will..I believe it will work.
Got some good sleep last night. Had fun with the D. W came in about 10:30pm from her meeting. Felt Ok this morning when I got up but had some waves of emotion come over me at work.
I miss my W.
My W had left me a note on the counter asking me to take the baby seat out of my car and bring it inside. I took it out of my car and moved it over to her car. I did this all the time but within the last month she has started asking me to bring it in the house. It's like she does not want me to do anything for her anymore. She acts like she wants to do it herself. She has stopped calling me hun, treats me more like someone she works with..not like a friend or husband. She will say Thanks for things but that's it.
I guess that's why I feel stuck. I feel what I am doing is having no impact. If it is, I'm not seeing it, or I'm not seeing the forest for the trees..
Another thing that's bothering me. I've fell under 200# and can't seem to stop losing weight. People are starting to comment now that I have lost to much. I'm 6'5" and I now weigh 197 down from 232..the weight now loss has me worried.
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 04/30/0812:20 PM.
M - Where was the C advice from Ping ? Sory, had a quick scan but can't find it.
if it's easy enough, could you paste to my thread as I look at so many and try to respond to so many, I lose track of where everything is !!! Thanks
Your sitch - Maybe your W is feeling herself dragged back in and is to stubborn or does not believe the changes will last, so is forcing herself to 'detach' if you like.
I think we are all relatively new to this still so the stuff were going through is all probably quite normal progress (but jees is it tough to keep positive at times)
