Why is it so important for you to hammer Amy, or anyone else I've seen you post to when they see no more hope for reconciliation and want to move on, have a life?
Why do you guilt them? Does it make you feel better about your own reasons for not 'giving up'?
Or is your ego so in need of validation that maybe that's why you argue these points with Bworl, Amy, and others?
in your thread you say you are 'sick of it'. Everyone supports YOUR decisions yet you seem to feel that anyone else who is 'sick of it' has to have the bible slammed over their head.
Why? Because you are ashamed that YOU have had enough. That YOU choose not to 'stand' forever?
Well I'll tell you something. I am glad you won't 'stand' for your selfish, self destructive wife. She has made her own bed and has to pay the consequences for her actions. You have been a good man and done the best that can be done.
Now, put your ego in check and realize that you owe Amy an apology, or at least some respect. You're a man who can do that much.
And as far as 'justification' for her 'divorce' if she were to choose one, the Bible does say if a spouse abandons the believing spouse that is grounds. Clearly, Amy is a believer and has been abandoned.
You seem to be laboring under a false impression. I dont find it important for me to be right. I find it important to encourage people who say the bible is important to them, to actually peruse the relevant sections of the bible, and acknowlege what it says at a literal level.
Certainly, there are bits of the bible that are ambiguous. But there are also bits that are crystal clear, with zero ambiguity.
If a self-professed Christian says, "X is God's will", but there is a clear part of the bible that says the opposite... I think it's my duty as a Christian to bring that to their attention. (and I think that is actually written in the bible somewhere as our duty to other Christians. )
If after that, they say, "well, I dont care...", then it is on them, as their choice.
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And as far as 'justification' for her 'divorce' if she were to choose one, the Bible does say if a spouse abandons the believing spouse that is grounds.
Sorry, i must have missed something.... last I heard, Amy's husband has "separated" from her, but has not "abandoned" her. It's a pretty fine line between where he is, and abandonment. but doesnt sound like he crossed it to me.
Also, the passage references "letting them go", or "not in bondage. It doesnt explicitly say "divorce them". There's a little bit of ambiguity there, would you agree?
Seems to me that the overall context of that passage (1Corinthians 7:12-15) is that, if the spouse CHOOSES TO LEAVE (or divorce), then "let them go/give them a divorce if they want it". (but these days when women can file for themselves, seems like that would mean, "if they file, then just go ahead, you dont have to fight it, or feel guilty about the divorce.")
Amy's husband is still "around", and HE has not filed for divorce. Therefore, HE has not "abandoned" her.
In fact, I quote from Amy:
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He seems content to live in his current state as opposed to doing any real "work" on himself much less with me. We have regular contact and it is very good. But I am through having my life on hold while he sits and spins.
In other words... he simply chooses not to "work on" the marriage, or himself.
That's different.
One perspective on that could be, that her H is having his own form of MLC, and Amy has gotten tired of waiting for him to grow up.
I'm not saying that's definately the way it is. I'm not "passing judgement" by saying that. I'm saying that is one possible perspective.
Last edited by Dom R; 04/28/0806:14 AM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Do you have a particular thread where you have posted about your MLC?
((hugs))
Nutty.
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
Talking about you "spiritually dying if you suffered in your marriage any further", is new age mysticism mumbo jumbo.
I didn't make the statement that you put in quotations, Dom. I said if I'd have stayed in that place I allowed guilt to take me, I'd have died spiritually.
Ah, sorry that I misunderstood your context for "spiritually dying". Thank you for clearing up that misunderstanding.
Originally Posted By: AmyC
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I say divorce, because the way you wrote that you were "moving on", made it sound like you were totally giving up on your marriage, and proceeding in the direction of divorce. Again, if this is a false assumption on my part, please let make know, and I will apologise for the misunderstanding.
I do NOT feel released to actually file a complaint for divorce yet.
But I refuse to wear the shackles anymore.
So I did read you correctly on that one, at least.
Lots of interesting nuances to what you wrote there. "marriage == shackles", eh? WHAT IS IT WITH YOU? I NEVER said marriage was akin to being shackled nor have I ever felt that way. The shackles were the bondage to the guilt.
well.. yes. it can be like that sometimes. Marriage is a "bond". That bond can be either a comfortable, or uncomfortable one. When it's uncomfortable, it can feel like shackles, no argument there.
So... what are you using as your yardstick to determine when to "throw off your shackles" and file for divorce, then? When it 'feels right' to you? Or, when you have biblical justification for divorce? Dom, you are really pushing my limits and not in any good or productive way. I just told you I wasn't filing because I do not feel led to. What good would it do me to go ahead and MAKE A PLAN to file if x, y or z happens? That wouldn't be letting God lead me now would it? As I go through the rest of your post, if I see one more thing that even resembles you jumping to conclusions and not paying attention to what I say, I am going to ask you to refrain from posting on my thread as you are not helping me. You are wasting my time. You're not even playing devil's advocate. You're just chapping my ass because you are expressing hardnosed opinions and you admittedly DON'T KNOW THE HISTORY OF MY SITCH.
Is your higher level goal "not having to try so hard", at least for a time of rest for yourself. And divorce is the only way you can foresee having "rest" for yourself?
In theory, that's what the original intent of separation was: a cooling off period. Nowadays, most people use it as an excuse and license to go screw other people, rather than "a time apart to regain calm and reflect on the marriage". But... I think that's what it's *supposed* to be for, personally. Again further proof you don't know my sitch because the cooling off period ended long ago for my husband and myself.
In a separation, you can be completely dark, except for things that you have to deal with together. Those things that you "have to deal with" together, still have to be dealt with even after divorce, for the most part. So divorce wont solve anything there.
What are you looking for? A new man? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? That's it. Get the hell off of my thread, Dom. Or rest?
You sure know how to stir the pot. It's good to know you have moved on with your life. I like the sound of where you are right now. You never know, your H might just have a miraculous conversion someday, but your can't go on living your life in limbo. He's got many a battle to fight. What an awesome woman you have become, I'm very proud of you. You are right about forgiveness. It sounds like you've finally given that gift to YOU!
I must admit I will miss giving you encouragement to keep trying to make your M work. I think many of us here want your M to work out as much or more than you do. No matter what happens though, you have become an awesome leader and spiritual source. Your children and everyone you encounter will feel the blessings you have to share.
My 2 cents: A very scholarly theologian pastor explained to me that the bible, the word, allows us to D. The catch is,(we're not supposed to get remarried, once M always M.)
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
Hey Amy, just want you to know you have plenty of us her to support you right now. Take your step back, get the fresh air and breath.
FYI, what I have heard you saying in all of this is you aren't going to let fears and such rule you, that you are in essence taking the leap of Faith, handing it over once again because all you have done is try to grab it all back from Him.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
It's good to know you have moved on with your life. I like the sound of where you are right now. You never know, your H might just have a miraculous conversion someday, but your can't go on living your life in limbo. He's got many a battle to fight. What an awesome woman you have become, I'm very proud of you. You are right about forgiveness. It sounds like you've finally given that gift to YOU!