Well finally I have something positive to post about.
A few weeks ago, I had asked my H about whatever became of the picture of me and our four-legged kids he used to keep on his bench at work. He said that it was in his bench drawer. I then asked him if he had replaced it with a picture of "her". He said that he had a couple of photos of OW, but that they too were in the drawer.
Errg...I hope they weren't touching!
I asked if she had seen my picture and he admitted that she had. I remarked that I didn’t think it fair that she knew what I looked like but I was not allowed to see her. He remarked that he couldn’t see why this should matter, so then I turned it around and asked him “wouldn’t you want to know?” “I guess so” he answered and then I asked him what he intended to do with her photos. He looked at me, pausing to consider, and that is when I jumped in and told him that I would like to see them. He said “ok” and we left it with that. Weeks past without his bringing me those pictures and I never asked again.
However, yesterday, as H was unpacking his black bag in the garage preparing for his week long vacation starting this afternoon, he called me over to him and with a nervous look said, “I have something for you, I know you are not really going to like it, but you asked me for them a while back and I’ve had them in my bag ever since”. He then handed me two photos and said “do with them as you like”. I could tell that this was something that he had been preparing himself for and he knew that this was going to be a pivotal moment.
I thanked him for the photos and returned into the house where, of course, I looked them over. It was tough, but I was moved by my H willingness to do this for me.
Also, about a week ago, my H told me that he had talked to one of his bosses about the need for getting OW transferred out of his department. The boss said that if they are able, they will do it while H is on vacation (apparently to avoid an emotionally embarrassing moment for both of them). This I will have to wait and see about. I have my figurative fingers crossed. Hope, hope, hope.
And now for the slightly salty icing on my illusive cake.
Today I’m picking my H up at his workplace. Yep! I'm driving him up to Orlando for his flight out.
For those of you who have kept up with my situation, you already know that my H’s work-place had become major OFF LIMITS to me as of the beginning of this year when he and his employee decided it was time to get hot and heavy. “Should I just park somewhere away from the building and wait for you to come out?” I asked. H replied “No, I’ll come out and bring you inside.” I was stunned. All I could say was “wow”.
This is truly a remarkable event. For me it is a “first aid kit” on a long miserable journey.
I have no idea who will be there at that time, (12:30pm) but I really don’t care. My H is making a bold move by reintroducing me back into his workplace picture at a cost to his own pride.
Being let back into the workplace is a milestone. It's like being publically recognized that you're his spouse again. That would go a long way in my situation to making me feel okay. It's also positive that he asked that OW be moved. He's really taking all the right steps here.
Yes, it's definately a positive step from H, however, I've learned not to place too much confidence in anything he says. I do believe that H is trying to do right, my doubt lies in his ability to sustain this forward motion.
I'm also not entirely sure that his bosses will transfer OW to another department. This I think is very important. H and OW spend more time together via the workplace, than H and I ever spend together. So it is a wait and see situation.
I really am very cautious about getting my hopes up again, it's so damaging to have them dashed repeatedly.
H is in Alaska until Friday, I'm using this time to do more things for myself. There is a certain amount of relief in knowing that he cannot be with her as well. So I'm looking at this time as a breather of sorts.
Quoting Jeannine: H is in Alaska until Friday, I'm using this time to do more things for myself. There is a certain amount of relief in knowing that he cannot be with her as well. So I'm looking at this time as a breather of sorts.
Jeannine
Jeannine -- Glad to hear that you're taking some downtime and focusing on YOU!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Welp, H comes back from Alaska tomorrow. I'm starting to get that feeling of anxiety creeping into my veins. Gads! I've been working on trying to focus away from scarey thoughts, but apparently I haven't made much progress.
I got my instructional tapes for belly dancing early in the week and have been trying to focus on that for as long as my energy level will permit. I've managed to work up a good sweat a few times in the process and am glad about that.
For some reason I have this cloud of dread forming around me. I think this is in part due to the uncertainty about whether OW was transferred or not to another department. If not, I see more of the same old crap looming in my future.
I intend to look as nice as possible and to be perky, pleasant and patient. The PPP's.
What I need is a mega dose of confidence, it's so much more attractive than being tense and skittish.
Ok, maybe I can just APPEAR to be confident. Hmmmm. I'll have to think on this.
Quoting Jeannine: Welp, H comes back from Alaska tomorrow. I'm starting to get that feeling of anxiety creeping into my veins. Gads! I've been working on trying to focus away from scarey thoughts, but apparently I haven't made much progress.
Jeannine -- try not to let your anxious feelings today discount how hard you've been working! I think it's natural for you to be feeling hepped up with h coming home.
Quote: I got my instructional tapes for belly dancing early in the week and have been trying to focus on that for as long as my energy level will permit. I've managed to work up a good sweat a few times in the process and am glad about that.
Awesome and inspirational!!!
Quote: For some reason I have this cloud of dread forming around me.
I intend to look as nice as possible and to be perky, pleasant and patient. The PPP's.
What I need is a mega dose of confidence, it's so much more attractive than being tense and skittish.
Ok, maybe I can just APPEAR to be confident. Hmmmm. I'll have to think on this.
Act "as if" my friend -- you know it works. What would it take for you to be able to do that? what do you have to do in the next 24 hours to get there?
Sending you good thoughts and energy! Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
He said that he had a couple of photos of OW, but that they too were in the drawer. 
