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If you are bothered that much then have him stop. Why drive yourself crazy over not being in control? I understand that perhaps you feel he doesn't respect by not doing the laundry or putting away the dishes to your liking but if you are not willing to let him do it, then take it back as one of your tasks. There has to be something that he can do where you won't be bothered by how he does it. Obviously, there is a lot more going than the annoyance of his skills at doing these tasks. Is your therapist still guiding you? Does he go to therapy?

Sox,
My W is frustrated with the way that I help also. Her agenda is for me not to create extra work for her. I think I'm helping in my own way, but I'm unwittingly making extra work for her.

It seems like a communication issue. I have to listen and learn what is the best way to help her with housecleaning and other issues. This will take some time to work thru because it's a charged issue, and my W reads other issues into it.

Part of the problem is also personal differences regarding cleaning standards, differences in priorities, and differences in work habits. In some ways there is no resolution, because I can't become my W.

My W and I have never really created a partnership regarding housecleaning. It's like being newlyweds around this issue. I'd like to think there can be some partnership around this issue.

We may end up hiring a cleaning person at some point.

CL

Therapy has stopped for a while (money).

Actually Trip- I do think it boils down to annoyance at the way he does things. I know it's bad, but when he takes my car, I shouldn't have to spend 30 minutes looking for my keys when I have to leave the next day (and he's already at work). That makes me late for work. If he took my keys from place A they should be put back in Place A. It's simple.

It's like borrowing a friends car and bringing it back on empty. It's just rude. it causes an inconvience to the other person.

He causes me inconvience at a very rapid pace. And he's setting that example (once again) for the kids to follow.

Things were a bit better last week. We went to dinner for my B-day and then we went hiking and for a picinic on Easter.

baby steps, Now I just have to have a chat still (yes, I'm chicken)

Well, it's been a month since I've posted so I thought an update is in order.

I have been busier than hell.

Things are going fine. We're talking about looking into buying the house down the street (we're renting still since the split).

Last night we ate outside and then played UNO as a family.

I still feel a bit disconnected. It's like I'm still detached and having a hard time re-attaching.

I've written many letters to H and not sent them.

I'm applying to grad school to start my Ed.D in January (that's the educational doctorate). So in 4 years I will be able to be a Principal and/or teach at the university.

S is playing baseball and H is taking the responsibilty of getting him there or arranging a carpool.

School is almost out for the summer here- and I can't wait to finally have a vacation. I've already explained to H and the kids that if we are buying a house, then this one needs to be cleaned out- top to bottom- since I"m not packing crap no one uses. They are all prepared for June to be spring cleaning and give away month. It is time to purge.

hopefully that will help aleviate my stress and my feelings of being smothered, cluttered and overwhelmed before I start classes.

that's all for now.

Hey Sox!

Thanks for the update.

Glad things are going well. I think keeping busy seems best for you.

Good luck with everything. I hope you get the house!

well, things are still going ok. There are ups and downs, but all in all I think we'll make it.

Our difficulty still lies in communication. I'm hesitant to say anything because in the past I was invalidated.

I'm learning to ask for help- but not doing so well when the help isn't given or it's given "crap-ily". or "1/2 a$$ed".

H is learning not to give 1/2 a$$ed help too so that helps.

7 school days left and then we are on summer break. We'll see what happens when I'm at home for an extended amount of time.

Hey sox, a couple of things. First of all, has he brought you coffee lately, just curious?

Second, glad to here you say that you "will make it" the positive attitude will go a long way for you both.

Didn't your last birthday allow for some strange events in a hotel or is my memory messed up?


Ian

Hi Sox. Catching up on your long and winding road! Hopefully the summer break will help you feel rejuvenated, but it already sounds like you'll be busy if you plan to move.

Back to the chores.....what if you ask your H just to wash the towels and sheets? He would feel like he was helping, but you could do your clothes yourself. Likewise, he could load the dishwasher and you could unload it so you could put things away so you can find them.

Hope you are enjoying your Memorial Day weekend.

I'm on summer break so it's harder for me to get online now. It's late and H is asleep so I thought I'd check in.

Far- yes- he has brought me coffee. Many times.

Yes, but there are days where I think I'm ready to throw in the towel and that I just can't live with him.

And it was Valentines day- great day for heart problems.

Matilda- thanks for checking in. That sounds good in theory. But as time goes on, he stops doing the towels and the sheets and he stops doing the dishwasher.... and it all falls back on me again.

I am consistant. I follow through. I am someone who gets stuff done. I take initiative.

H is the total opposite... on all accounts. He can't follow through, he doesn't keep promises, he doesn't get stuff done (even when it's his idea) and he can't "see" that something needs to be done and just do it.

We don't see eye to eye on money anymore (long story and very sore nerve- it will have to wait until another night).

argh.

How does it show as chocolatelover when you post but Soxfan2008 as your avatar?