Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Steelers Fan-H Left After 5 Weeks Pt. 2

I felt so angry all weekend as if everything was going wrong but I do know that God is always working behind the scenes and I do realize that the devil was trying to bring me way down and into a situation that would have gotton me into trouble but I am okay now.

S17 came home after being with H this afternoon, and S17 walks in the house with this big box of motor oil. I asked what the heck that was for and he said for the cars, his dad had bought it and said to put it in the garage. Of course I said to S17, why would he want to keep motor oil in our garage when he lives about 25 minutes away?????

H's clothes and mail have not been picked up either and I have no intention of doing anything with them other then to leave the things where they are.

I have been frustrated the last few days but I am doing better.

He texted and called me late tonight.

he said how he wishes he was here, wishes he could move back home but cannot because he cannot get out of the situation with the other woman

says even though we have been thru all of this he still loves me

when he said he could not get out of the situation with the other woman, i said with God anything is possible and that God is always working whether we realize it or not

he said he told S17 to never, ever do what he has done because he will be miserable for the rest of his life

he did say he was still so miserable

Definitely can't because of what he was saying.

Oh Steelers. Time and time again it is stated believe nothing of what they tell you in MLC.
He has left twice now to go back to her, yes I know he has no where else to go.
You needed milk and basics he sends over motor oil via son-son drives your car-makes me think son asked for the oil.Again I would not take too much of what son tells you as gospel.
You say the OW means nothing and is not the problem. He says he can't get out of the situation with the other woman. If he,s only a lodger and one that doesn't contribute because you say he spends it all on you and kids and house, why can't he?
This makes no sense and yes I know he is in MLC.
People reading your thread obviously can only read what is posted and you are living through it.
You will do what you are going to do and believe what he tells you regardless of any discrepencies in his story.
I hope it doesn't go on for many more years and that your loyalty,love and faith in him will bring you what your heart desires.
Apart from hoping that you have a happy life whatever the outcome I can think of nothing more to offer.May your family be put back together one day.

The motor oil is not for my car it is for BOTH our cars - mine and H's, which when i looked on the shelf, we were out of and H does maintenance on both cars. S17 would never ask for oil and believe me when I say that would be the furthest thing from his mind.

I did get necessities for the kids--above and beyond what was given to me.

OW means nothing and if she did, I would have been divorced by now. H would love for our family to be put back together but feels he has done so much damage. Because of the guilt which I stated earlier, it is so beyond our comprehension the enormous pain due to guilt, unless one has experienced it, they feel they can never get past that.

When in MLC, they cycle a lot and this is part of that cycle.

H does not have the funds to pay for two residences.

As a Christian, we can see how when involved in sin, it can make a person do things or paralyze them and this is a spiritual battle.

H made a lot of sense what he was saying lastnight. I spoke to him for almost 4 hours.

I think you are doing great Steelers.

he's clearly not out of the "fog" yet.

You guys were never really piecing (FW and I never really pieced the first time he came home either).

They get treated differently in piecing than they do in the thick of MLC and the fog.

I think there is something good to be said for him moving out again. It makes things easier while they are still going through it.

Continue to treat him with detached kindness. Fw always wanted me to get mad at him and blow up and when I never did it blew his mind.

he wanted an excuse for his behavior and I refused to give him one.

Your H has no excuse either and it's eating him alive.

Prayers are with you.

BFM

BFM, that all makes SOOO much sense! Not giving them a reason for their behaviors. Ding! The light went on here for me.

he came over

it was nice

when he left he said he had to talk to me later

feels like he is ready to crash but has really felt like that for a few years

feels he cannot make a decision about his life because he has done so much harm and he is torn between me and other woman

says i really do not understand what goes on in his head

is miserable

when i asked what he wanted to talk to me about i asked if that meant he was not coming back home and he said he does not know what will be due to all of the damage he has caused

i let him know i loved him and he said he wished he could say it back but could not because he no longer knows the meaning of love.

BUT lastnight and this morning and even when he first came over this morning, he had no problem telling me he loved me and will always love me.

Talk about spinning.

BFM,

When you write, it makes sense..

In my life, it doesn't....

I am so glad that you are restoring your marriage !

I don't think that it will happen for me, it has been too long and too much has happened.

MLC, no longer makes sense sometimes....

Like I said to Angelica, my H is a waterdowned version of the man he used to be....