have not done well at nc-ing. I will usually break down within 10 days sometimes sooner.
NOT GOOD.
I have been married once and have had 2 other long term relationships. I have taken this one the worst. More pain and depression than any other.
I was ok the first week or so after the break-up...then everything went south.
I don't believe she will come back. I am just trying to survive the day in and out pain.
That feeling you get when they just won't talk to you. She has pretty much NCed me and it completely drove me nuts. (I guess, some would just call it a clean break)
But we all know how painful it is when it ends and we never really saw it coming. At least not the break-up.
Have you ever noticed when you check the forums boards there are always more people in surviving than anywhere else. That is really sad.
All I can say is there was probably a reason you broke up...what was that reason? Did she tell you or did you figure it out?
What woul dhappen if you called her and asked if you could get together for coffee?
Of course she may say no, of course nothing may come of it. But, If you did the work on yourself to make yourself a better person for you...that will show through
doesn't mean you are the right person for her though
I haven't nmanaged 7 months NC. Haven't managed NC for more than a 10 day stretch. Thats the problem. I try and try but I always seem to give in.
Asked about coffee...won't
Asked about how is your day...no answer
What she basically told me is things were not working for her. Couldn't tell me what things though. Couldn't tell me during the relationship when things were adding up. Hell I am open minded. She new that from these boards.
I know it is over. My heart just will not believe it.
I will not give her name on the boards here nor will I give my original name on these boards. That would not be right and I don't need that kind of BS
Dating is all about figuring out if you want to move towards a more lasting commitment.
Seems to me that she isn't worthy of you. Her actions are not the type of actions you want in an LTR with - right?
Sounds to me like things were really great and fun in the beginning - all R'a are like that during that beautiful rosy courtship period.
And you fell for the woman that she presented herself to be during that rosy period. And now well- you are finding out she isn't that person and are clinging to what you want her to be - what you thought she was during that rosy period.
There was a thread roughly 4-5 years ago where oldtimers started a thread about how much that first post D break up hurts. Everyone was floored as everyone shared how that it hurts MORE than the D!
Are you seeing a C? It might be helpful to talk this one through with a C - to help alter your mindset from "the perfect woman dumped me" to "this imperfect woman did me a favor by dumping me." This woman was not your last chance at happiness. It just feels like that right now.
I went through the same thing with Erased Man. He was also from the BB - you get that whole shared D pain intimacy thing going and feel so understood - feels so good after a spouse walks away. He read all my posts and knew exactly what to say at that time and I fell for those words that had no connection to his actions hook line and sinker. And now 5 years later - I wonder if I was nuts for ever even being attracted to such a screwed up man. So he no longer counts and is irrelvant - hence the name Erased Man.
I got through the first post D R pain. So did about a dozen other people that posted. You will be fine. Just keep taking care of yourself and slowly ween yourself off this woman.
Yes, I am seeing a C and taking meds. Not really working though.
I just feel I am the erased man and it hurts bad.
MY FD responded to the 35W bridge collapse. I tried calling her 30+times to tell her I was heading to it. By the time I got hold of here and told her what was going on, she sounded so worried so concerned "please be careful" she said "love you". 20 days later, everything changed.
She went dark I went nuts. I always called her on my way in if I were called back to a fire at work. We work with small crews and that makes the job just that much more dangerous. I always wanted to talk to her in case something happened. Thought that would be appreciated, special, (maybe it was because she always seemed deeply concerned) but when I brought it up in a letter a little while back, she just chewed it up.
Why do we want them more when they turn mean to us?
Time to worry about you. If you read what you've written abover, an awful lot is worried about what she is or isn't doing. That doesn't matter anymore, and she's not in that spot for you anymore. Yeah, it does suck, it does hurt, it is scary. So, what is it, after the work you did in the past, that put you back to looking to someone else for security and happiness? What did you stop doing for yourself when she entered the picture?
